“Zeno walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A version based on a paradox by the Greek philosopher Zeno of Elea (ca. 490–430 BC) is:…
Sweatember (sweat + September)
"Sweatember" (sweat + September) has been printed on several images. The term means that September is a month to sweat -- either to sweat off the pounds by working out, or because…
Baogel (cha siu bao + bagel)
A "baogel" (cha siu bao + bagel) is a Cantonese barbecue-pork-filled bagel. "Did you know that it's international Baogel Day?!? It's when Bao & Bagel fall in love"…
“No matter how many lasagnas you stack, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna”
A lasagna can have many layers, but still be just one lasagna. This saying was posted on Reddit -- Shower Thoughts on October 24, 2017: "No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each…
“What do you call a herd of masturbating cows?”/“Beef Stroganoff.”
A cow riddle is: Q: What do you call a herd of masturbating cows?A: Beef Stroking Off (Stroganoff). The joke was posted on the newsgroup net.jokes on September 22, 1982. Wikipedia: Beef…
“I just sneezed while eating alphabet soup. Took the words right out of my mouth”
Alphabet soup has been the subject of many puns. "Just puked up the alphabet soup I ate for dinner. Took the words right out of my mouth" was posted on Twitter on May 22, 2010. "I…
“What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?”/“I’m a cashew.”
A cashew riddle is: Q: What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?A: "I'm a cashew (catch you)." The joke was posted on Twitter by Spooky Dad Jokes on September 14,…
“Technically, all national anthems are country music”
A national anthem is, technically, "country" music. "No matter the musical style, a nation's national anthem is 'country music' Daily Jumble in 1:14, score 1115"…
“Successful pianists know the key to success”
People often seek the key (or keys) to success. "Successful pianists know the key to success" is a joke that was posted on the website Pun of the Day on August 10, 2017. Other sayings…
“My biology teacher grew human vocal chords in the lab. The results speak for themselves”
A pun was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on November 19, 2015: "Cancer research scientists have grown human vocal chords in a Petri dish. The results speak for themselves." "My biology…
“What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?”/“Branch Manager.”
There are several versions of the "branch manager" riddle. This was from 1982: Q: What do you call a man in a tree wearing a three-piece suit? A: A branch manager. This is from 1989: Q:…
Sweatember (sweat + September)
"Sweatember" (sweat + September) has been printed on several images. The term means that September is a month to sweat -- either to sweat off the pounds by working out, or because…
“How do you make a violin sound like a viola?”/“Sit in the back and don’t play.”
A joke about the viola is: Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola?A: Sit in the back and don't play. The joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.music.filk on April 10, 1992. “How do…
“What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?”/“Branch Manager.”
There are several versions of the "branch manager" riddle. This was from 1982: Q: What do you call a man in a tree wearing a three-piece suit? A: A branch manager. This is from 1989: Q:…
“Being overweight is the only truth you can successfully run from”
The expression "to run away from one's problems" is usually not taken literally, but there have been several puns. "Fat people can literally run away from most of their problems…
“How do you know when a liberal is really dead?’/“His heart stops bleeding.”
A joke on the term "bleeding heart liberal" is: Q: How do you know when a liberal is really dead?A: His/Her heart stops bleeding. The joke was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on January…
“How do you get a parrot to talk properly?”/“Send him to polytechnic.”
A "polytechnic" is not full of parrots (Pollys, as in "Polly want a cracker?"), but there's a riddle: Q: How do you get a parrot to talk properly?A: Send him to…
“Why is programming in Django hard?”/“You can only use two fingers on your left hand.”
A Django programming joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on October 22, 2017: Q: Why is programming in Django hard?A: You can only use two fingers on your left hand. The joke requires knowledge of…
“Why did the girl sit on her watch?”/“She wanted to be on time.”
A watch riddle is: Q: Why did the girl sit on her watch?A: She wanted to be on time. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1976. Google BooksBiggest Riddle Book in the WorldBy Joseph…
“Your bank account is the adult version of your report card”
A adult's bank account has been compared to a student's report card. "Your bank account is your report card for your Financial intelligence" was posted on Twitter on February 9,…