“Don’t stress if someone says you are fat. You are bigger than that”
The expression "to be bigger than" means that someone is "above" a small matter. "My mate asked me if he should punch the guy who told him he was fat as a walrus. I said,…
“What kind of food does your toe eat?”/“Dori-toes.”
Doritos (tortilla chips) aren't Dory's toes, but there have been several jokes. "Doritoes? Okay. Eat these toes! With dori on emmm" was posted on Twitter on August 19, 2012.…
“How many NCAA players does it take to change a lightbulb?” (joke)
A joke about college athletes is: Q: How many NCAA basketball players does it take to change a light bulb?A: One. But he gets nine credits, $3,000, and a new car for it. The joke was posted on the…
Hand Money Over (HMO nickname)
Many people have found that health maintenance organizations (HMOs) are expensive. The HMO backronym (back acronym) of "Hand Money Over" has been cited in print since at least 1996.…
“If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?”
"If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?" is a joke on police Miranda warnings that has been printed on many images. The saying has been cited in…
“How do you turn a T into a P?”/“Drink it.”
A tea riddle was posted on Reddit -- Dad Jokes on November 25, 2017: Q: How do you turn a T into a P?A: Drink it. “What starts with T, ends with T, and is full of T?”/"A teapot" is…
Whorespondent or Whorrespondent (whore + correspondent)
"Whorespondent" or "whorrespondent" (whore + correspondent) is a term used by people who don't have much faith in news correspondents. "The Communists of the Old Left,…
“Better days are just around the corner. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday”
"Better days are just around the corner. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday" is a jocular work saying that has been printed on many images. "Better days are just around the…
“A kid threw a lump of cheddar at me. I thought, ‘That’s not very mature’”
A popular cheese joke involves the word "mature." "Was walking down the street the other day and someone threw grated cheese at me... I thought 'Hmmmm..... very…
“I met my wife on the net. We were bad trapeze artists”
The internet is often called simply "the net." A joke by Milton Jones was posted on Twitter on August 14, 2012: "My parents met on the net. They were both rubbish trapeze…
“Better days are coming. They are called Saturday and Sunday”
"Better days are coming. They are called Saturday and Sunday" is a jocular work saying that has been printed on many images. "Cheer up. Better days are coming. They're called…
“Why was Santa Claus sick?”/“He came down with the flue.”
A Christmas pun has Santa Claus coming down with the flu(e). A riddle was posted on a 1996 book: Q: What sickness did Santa get going down the chimney? A: The flu (flue). "Santa came down with…
“What street in France do reindeer live on?”/“Rue Dolph.”
"Rue" is the French word for "street." A riddle about Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on December 20, 2015: Q: Which street in France do reindeer…
“Do you have reservations?”/“Yes, but I’ll stay here anyway.”
Some people have reservations for a restaurant, while others have reservations about a restaurant. A popular joke has been cited in print since at least 1975: RESTAURANT HOST OR HOSTESS: Do you…
“What do you call a tea which stays with you for a long time?”/“Loyalty.”
"Loyalty" (or "loyaltea" or "loyal tea") is a word used in tea puns. "He asked what kind of tea I like, I replied loyalty..." was posted on Twitter on April…
“What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?”/“Sanka.”
The RMS Titanic sank on April 15, 2012, on its maiden voyage from Southampton to New York City. A Titanic joke is: Q: What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?A: Sanka. The joke has been cited…
“Sometimes I watch football holding a PlayStation controller just to screw with girlfriend’s head”
"Sometimes I watch football holding an xbox controller just to screw with my mums head" was posted on Twitter by sickipediabot on July 2, 2011. The joke is that the speaker pretends…
“This Fibonacci joke is as bad as the last two you heard combined”
There have been several math jokes on Fibonacci numbers. "Fibonacci joke: 'I feel like this year’s Fibonacci conference will be as big as the last two combined!'" was posted…
“Sometimes I watch football holding a PlayStation controller just to screw with girlfriend’s head”
"Sometimes I watch football holding an xbox controller just to screw with my mums head" was posted on Twitter by sickipediabot on July 2, 2011. The joke is that the speaker pretends…
“Waiter, this soup tastes funny!”/“Then why aren’t you laughing?”
A classic restaurant joke is: CUSTOMER: Waiter, this soup tastes funny. WAITER: Then why aren't you laughing? The joke was cited in 1931, when it involved the stew served in military barracks.…