“My uncle was a great conductor. He was struck by lightning”
A musical conductor is not the same as a conductor of electricity, but there have been jokes. "My uncle was a great conductor. He was struck by lightning six times" is a joke that has…
“I’m a second-hand vegetarian. Cows eat grass. I eat cows”
"I'm a second-hand vegetarian. Cows eat grass. I eat cows" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I only eat animals that feed on grass. Does that make me a…
“You can only say ‘WTF’ so many times a day until you decide to start drinking”
"You can only say 'WTF' ('What the fuck?" -- ed.) so many times a day until you decide to start drinking" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several…
“What do you get when you cross a Jamaican with a ginger?”/“A gingerbreadmon.”
A gingerbread man riddle is: Q: What do you get when you cross a Jamaican and a ginger?A: A gingerbreadmon. The joke was posted on Twitter by PieGuy on April 6, 2012. Wikipedia: Gingerbread manA…
“I think my soulmate might be carbs”
"I think my soulmate might be carbs" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter by Katie Kaleidoscope on December 5, 2013,…
“I love you more than Chinese restaurants love cats”
"I love you more than Chinese restaurants love cats" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. Many Asian-American restaurants have a "beckoning cat" figurine…
“Nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute”
"Nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute" (or "Nothing makes me more productive than the last minute") is a one-line saying that has been printed on many…
“Life is a soup and I’m a fork”
"Life is a soup and I'm a (fucking) fork" -- a utensil useless for drinking soup -- is a saying that has been printed on many images. The song "(I'm Gonna) Kick You…
“I must get up. My coffee needs me”
"I must get up. My coffee needs me" is a jocular coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "I should get up. My coffee needs me" was posted on Twitter on February 24,…
Veganuary (vegan + January)
"Veganuary" (vegan + January), pronounced "vee-gan-uary," is a pledge to eat vegan for the month of January. "Veganuary" was posted on Twitter on November 22, 2009.…
“It was so cold that Dunkin’ Donuts was serving coffee on a stick”
Coffee is usually -- but not always -- served hot. A winter joke is: "It was so cold that Dunkin' Donuts (or Starbucks or a local coffeehouse) was serving coffee on a stick."…
“It was so cold that I saw a Greyhound bus drive by and the dog was on the inside”
A Greyhound bus usually has an illustration of a greyhound dog on the outside. "I didn't know it was this cold in Cleveland. I saw a Greyhound bus, the dog was on the inside," Cedric…
“Someone should rewrite the history books to refer to ancient spice traders as thyme travelers”
"Herb traders are thyme travelers" is a jocular one-line saying that was posted on Twitter by Glenn Fleishman on March 7, 2016. A similar saying was posted on Reddit -- Shower Thoughts…
“What is the healthiest kind of water?”/“Well water.”
A water riddle is: Q: What is the healthiest kind of water? A: Well water. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1976. Google BooksBiggest Riddle Book in the WorldBy Joseph…
“It was so cold that I saw a Greyhound bus drive by and the dog was on the inside”
A Greyhound bus usually has an illustration of a greyhound dog on the outside. "I didn't know it was this cold in Cleveland. I saw a Greyhound bus, the dog was on the inside," Cedric…
“Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except for abortion jokes. There is no delivery”
It's often said that comedy depends on the delivery. "Anything can be funny if there is a right delivery, except abortion jokes as they have no delivery" is a dark joke that was…
“It was so cold that Starbucks was serving coffee on a stick”
Coffee is usually -- but not always -- served hot. A winter joke is: "It was so cold that Dunkin' Donuts (or Starbucks or a local coffeehouse) was serving coffee on a stick."…
“Why do chicken coops only have 2 doors?”/“Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans.”
A chicken riddle has been printed on several images: Q: Why do a chicken coops have only two doors?A: Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans. The pun is on the homophones…
“The #MeToo movement is supposed to be empowering, but why PoundMeToo?”
"#MeToo" became popular on social media in October 2017, as a response to several high-profile sexual assault and harassment allegations in the United States. "Someone I work with…
Hocto Dog or Hoctodog (octopus hot dog)
A "hocto dog" or "hoctodog" is an octopus hot dog. "Hoctodog" has been cited in print since at least 2007, when it described a hot dog cut into strips to resemble an…