“Snow that doesn’t stick is disappointment rain”
"Snow that doesn't stick is just worthless cold ass rain... sigh" was posted on Twitteron November 30, 2010. "Snow that doesn't stick is just fluffy rain…
“Where can you go to get a lap dance and a decent steak?”/“The New York Strip Club.”
A "New York strip steak" has nothing to do with a New York strip club (although some clubs serve the steak), but there are jokes. "When I'm in a steak house I order the NY…
“The hospital you were born in is the only building you leave without entering”
"Also, night thought: the hospital you were born in is the only building you’ll leave but not have entered" is a saying that was posted on Twitter on March 31, 2017. "The hospital…
“Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh”
"Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on February 22, 2011. Twitter⇦IG :…
“I’m very pleased with my new fridge magnet. So far I’ve got twelve fridges”
A refrigerator (or "fridge") magnet sticks to a refrigerator, but certainly isn't powerful enough to pull in a refrigerator. A joke was posted on Twitter on January 28, 2011:…
“What do you say to a naked pig?”/“I never sausage a body.”
A pig riddle is: Q: What do you say to a naked pig?A: "I never sausage a body." The "sausage"/"saw such" pun was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on February 23,…
“Avocado salsa is just guacamole”
Guacamole contains avocados; avocado salsa contains avocados. Guacamole is not the same as avocado salsa -- salsa is usually hotter -- but many people believe that they are the same. "Or make…
“What is white, sugary, has whiskers and floats on the sea?”/“A catameringue.”
A catamaran doesn't contain any meringue, but there's a riddle: Q: What is white, sugary, has whiskers and floats on the sea?A: A catameringue. The "catameringue" pun has been…
“I think it’s neat to order whisky, no ice”
A "neat" alcoholic drink is one that is poured straight in the glass -- without ice or anything else. "Know what's neat? no ice" was posted on Twitter on June 12, 2009.…
“What is white, sugary, has whiskers and floats on the sea?”/“A catameringue.”
A catamaran doesn't contain any meringue, but there's a riddle: Q: What is white, sugary, has whiskers and floats on the sea?A: A catameringue. The "catameringue" pun has been…
“Why shouldn’t you put avocados in your eyes?”/“You could get guacoma.”
"Guacoma" is a portmanteau word that can mean a disease from eating too much guacamole (guacamole + coma) or a disease of the eyes caused by guacamole (guacamole + glaucoma).…
“I’ve just started work as a human chess piece. The money’s good. I’m on knights this week”
People on a human chess board work as kings, queens, bishops, knights, rooks and pawns. A joke was posted on Twitter on September 8, 2014: "I've just started work as a human chess…
“What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a jelly?”/“The collie-wobbles.”
Jelly wobbles, and a riddle is: Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a jelly?A: The collie-wobbles. "Collywobbles" means a stomachache or anxiety, fear. The joke has been cited…
“What do you get from eating too much guacamole?”/“Guacoma.”
"Guacoma" is a portmanteau word that can mean a disease from eating too much guacamole (guacamole + coma) or a disease of the eyes caused by guacamole (guacamole + glaucoma).…
“I just got a job working in a full size cuckoo clock…” (joke)
A cuckoo clock often features a figure that comes out of a house to strike the hour. A cuckoo clock joke was posted on Twitter on December 10, 2010: "I've got a job working in a full size…
“A dickhead walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A dickhead version is: "A dickhead walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Why the…
“Guacamole is just avocado salsa”
Guacamole contains avocados; avocado salsa contains avocados. Guacamole is not the same as avocado salsa -- salsa is usually hotter -- but many people believe that they are the same. "Or make…
“What kind of milk do they use to make Swiss cheese?”/“Hole milk.”
A riddle about the holes in Swiss cheese is: Q: What kind of milk do they use to make Swiss cheese?A: Hole milk. The pun is on "whole milk." "Is Swiss cheese made out of hole…
“What do farmers use to make crop circles?”/“A protractor.”
A crop circle joke has been cited in print since at least 2009: Q: What do farmers use to make crop circles?A: A protractor. Farmers usually use tractors. A protractor makes circles. Wikipedia:…
“Forget everything you learned in college. You won’t need it working here” (joke)
People are often told by new employers, "Forget everything you learned in college!" The idea behind the statement is that "real world" applications are different. A joke was…