“Have you seen the new fishing website?”/“No, it’s not online yet.”
A fishing website pun is: Q: Have you seen the new fishing website?A: No, it's not online yet. The "online"/"on line" joke has been cited in print since at least 2001.…
“Have you seen the boxing website?”/“Yes, it really knocked me out!”
A boxing website pun is: Q: Have you seen the boxing website?A: Yes, it really knocked me out! The boxing joke has been cited in print since at least 2001. Scatty -- Internet Jokes (March 9,…
“What do you call a Native American cook?”/“A Sioux chef.”
A sous-chef de cuisine (French for "under-chef of the kitchen") shouldn't be confused with a "Sioux" chef, but there are jokes. "SIOUX CHEF OPENING" was an error…
“Have you seen the new fruitcake website?”/“Yes - it’s my currant favorite!”
A fruitcake website pun is: Q: Have you seen the new fruitcake website?A: Yes - it's my currant favourite! The joke has been cited in print since at least 2001. Scatty -- Internet Jokes (March…
“Have you seen the baked bean website?”/“I’ve only just got wind of it.”
A baked beans website pun is: Q: Have you seen the baked bean website?A: I've only just got wind of it. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2001. Scatty -- Internet Jokes (March 9,…
“I passed my paintball exam with flying colours”
Students who pass an exam easily are said to do so "with flying colors." It's sometimes joked that the test was a paintball exam. "I passed my paintball exam with flying…
“Give a man a job, you have an employee. Teach him how to shift blame, you have a manager”
A popular proverb is: "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.” A joke variation was posted on Twitter by Billy Dyer on January 11,…
“Who turns the lights off at Halloween?”/“The light’s witch.”
A Halloween riddle is: Q: Who turns the lights off at Halloween?A: The light's witch. The "light's switch"/"light switch" joke has been cited in print since at least…
“I have a Polish friend who is a sound engineer and I have a Czech one too”
Sound engineers often test by saying, "Check one-two." A joke has been printed on several images: "I have a Polish friend who is a roadie for a band. I have a Czech one too. A Czech…
“Why did the diner send back the rabbit stew?”/“Because it had a hare in it.”
A restaurant riddle is: Q: Why did the diner send back the rabbit stew?A: Because it had a hare in it. A form of the "hare in the rabbit stew" pun was printed in an 1896 newspaper. The…
“Why was the cat so small?”/“Because it only ate condensed milk.”
A milk riddle is: Q: Why was the cat so small? A: Because it only ate condensed milk. The "condensed milk" joke has been cited in print since at least 2003. Google BooksNoah's…
“After 8 beers I was dangerously weaving in the middle of the road…” (joke)
A drinking joke was posted on Twitter on October 28, 2012: "After finishing 10 pints I was weaving in the middle of the road. I thought, 'It'd probably be safer to make this basket…
“How much to buy a singing ensemble?” (choir joke)
"A choir" sounds like the word "acquire." A joke was posted on Twitter by Terry F on February 27, 2018: ME: How much to buy a singing ensemble?PRODUCER: You mean a choir?ME:…
“Give a man a gun and he’ll rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he’ll rob the world”
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime” is a popular proverb. "Give a man a gun and he'll rob a bank. Give a man a bank…
“Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?”
"If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?" is a jocular one-liner that American stand-up comedian Steven Wright used in his act since at least 1986. "Do you need a silencer if…
“I’m so strong I can lift a house! Well, only if it’s a lighthouse”
A weightlifting joke was posted on Twitter on May 6, 2014: Stranger: You can lift a house? Me: Yep.Stranger: Wow, you must be strong.Me: Nah, it's a light house. "I'm so strong I can…
“My doctor told me to cut down on sodium. I took his advice with a pinch of salt”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Reddit -- cleanjokesMy doctor told me to cut down on sodium. (self.cleanjokes)submitted March 15, 2018 by chacham2I took his advice with a pinch of salt.
“Squats? I thought you said shots”
"Squats? I thought you said, 'Let's do shots'" is a jocular gym saying that has been printed on many images. "Ohh squats..I thought you said shots" was posted on…
“Frog parking only. All others will be toad”
"Broomstick/Frog/Princess/Witch parking only. All others will be toad" -- a pun on "towed" -- is a jocular sign that has been printed on many images. "Witches Parking Only…
“Witch parking only. All others will be toad”
"Broomstick/Frog/Princess/Witch parking only. All others will be toad" -- a pun on "towed" -- is a jocular sign that has been printed on many images. "Witches Parking Only…