“A pirate walks into a bar, and it was at that moment…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A pirate version is: "A pirate walks into a bar. And it was at that moment that he…
Clown News Network (CNN nickname)
The Cable News Network (now called CNN) began in 1980 as the first all-news 24-hour television network. Some who ridicule CNN have called it the "Clown News Network." "CNN(clown news…
“I had a job where I had to put shredded cheese back together. It was de-grating”
"Degrading" should not be confused with "de-grating," but there are jokes. "Sometimes I try to put shredded cheese back together, but then I feel like that's degrating…
“How does a lawyer stop the bleeding?”/“Attorney-kit.”
"A tourniquet" sounds a bit like "attorney kit." "This incompetent lawyer's case is bleeding out! get attorney kit" was posted on Twitter by…
“I saw someone pickpocket a dwarf. I don’t know how anyone could stoop so low”
The expression "stoop so low" usually is not meant literally, but there are jokes. "I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed How could anyone stoop so…
Sexocrat (sex + bureaucrat)
A "sexocrat" (sex + -crat, as in bureaucrat) describes a politician who legislates sex rules for others to follow. "Sexocrats" and "sexocracy" have been cited in print…
“You have been assigned this mountain to show others it can be moved”
"You have been assigned this mountain to show others (that) it can be moved" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is all about challenges…
“One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball”
"One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball" is a saying that has been printed on several images. A bowling ball is much bigger than a golf ball.…
“Bowling is basically an hour of drinking beer occasionally interrupted by six seconds of exercise”
"Bowling is the ideal sport. It’s basically an hour of drinking beer occasionally interrupted by six seconds of exercise" is a bowling saying that has been printed on several images.…
“Split happens” (bowling saying)
"Split happens" is a bowling saying that has been printed on many images. Bowlers try to avoid a split (with pins left on opposite sides of the lane). The joke is a variation on the 1980s…
“At what age do you think it’s appropriate to tell a highway it’s adopted?”
"Adopt-a-Highway" is a program where citizens and businesses can "adopt" a stretch of highway by helping to pay for its care. It's not like adopting a child, but there are…
“I got thrown out of the zoo for making a parrot laugh. Polly tickle correctness!”
"Politics" is sometimes jocularly written as "polly tics," and there's a "polly" joke about "political correctness." "@DanRebellato *starts car*…
“Get stoned. Drink wet cement”
"Get (really) stoned. Drink wet cement" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Get Really Stoned, Drink Wet Cement" (a saying printed on a button) was…
“The five-second rule doesn’t apply to soup”
The "five-second rule" states that if food falls on the floor, it's still good to eat if you pick it up within five seconds. The "rule," however, has been debunked.…
“Any pie made with cannabis butter is technically a pot pie”
Pot pie usually doesn't have any "pot" (marijuana), but there are jokes involving cannabutter (cannabis butter). "MIGHT FUCK AROUND AND COP SOME CANNABUTTER AND MAKE A REAL…
“The idea that women only belong in the kitchen is dated. The rest of the house needs cleaning”
"A woman's place is in the kitchen" is an old saying that is no longer politically correct, so there have been variations made. "I don't believe women should be kept in the…
“My friend tried to convince me ‘whey’ is spelled ‘whfey.’ There’s no f in whey”
"There's no fucking way" is sometimes given a pun with the word "whey." "There's no 'F' in 'whey'" was posted on Twitter by James Jillson…
“Wanderlust and city dust”
"Wanderlust and city dust" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Wanderlust and City dust" was posted on Twitter by Bitchness Monster on September 14, 2013.…
“If you follow your heart just right, it will get you to New York City”
" If you follow your heart just right it’ll get you to New York City" was posted on Facebook by Cheryl Pandemonium on January 20, 2018. "If you follow your heart just right, it…
“What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?”/“Milk and quackers.”
A "milk and crackers" pun is: Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?A: Milk and quackers. "Helen Griffith -- If you had a cow and some ducks, what would you have? --…