“I always give 100%. Which is why I lost my job as an exam marker”
Should one always give 100% (or 110%) at work? "I always give 110%. That's why I lost my job In the examination bored" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by Lewis Gardiner on…
“You know that stash of food napkins in your glove box? It’s their time to shine”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak led to shortages in toilet paper. This was posted on Facebook by Heather Morgan on March 11, 2020: "You know that stash of food napkins in your glove box?…
“Doctor, doctor, I feel like a carrot.”/“Don’t get yourself in a stew.”
The word "stew" (a dish cooked by stewing) also means "a state of agitated excitement, worry, and/or confusion." A joke is: Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a carrot.Doctor:…
“Stop killing fish for their fingers” (fake protest sign)
"Stop killing aligators to make Gatoraid" (misspelling "alligators" and "Gatorade") is a jocular -- but fake -- protest sign that has been printed on many images. The…
“Do you know why people are buying up all the toilet paper? Because people are losing their shit”
The 2019-20 coronavirus outbreak had caused panic purchasing of toilet paper. "If peeps are bulk buying toilet paper, then they really are losing their shit" was posted on Twitter by…
“I don’t usually brag about my drum jokes, but um…tss”
"But um..." sounds like the sting of a drummer ("ba dum tiss"). A joke was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on March 13, 2020: "I don't usually brag about my drum jokes,…
“You are [acute] [tea] [pi]” (a cutie pie)
"You are [acute] [tea] [pi]" (a cutie pie) -- the last three terms are illustrated -- is a rebus that has been printed on many images. The rebus has been cited in print since at least…
“If you like pinochle otters…” (The Piña Colada Song mondegreen)
"Do/If you like pinochle otters" is a mondegreen (misheard lyric) of "If you like piña coladas" in "The Piña Colada Song" (1979). Pinochle otters have been shown on…
“If a morgue worker dies they’d still need to come in to work one more time”
a joke about the job of a morgue worker was posted on Reddit -- Showerthoughts on March 11, 2020: "If a morgue worker dies they'd still need to come in to work one more time." Reddit…
“Crazy times we are living in. I used to cough to hide a fart. Now I fart to hide a cough”
"Cough fart ... When someone coughs to hide a fart with devious intent" was entered in the Urban Dictionary on December 2, 2010. The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak reversed this. "I…
“What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?”/“Diabetes.”
An anti-joke about the number 3.14 ("pi") was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on March 13, 2020: Q: What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?A: Diabetes. “What do you get if you eat…
“Do you like pinochle otters?” (The Piña Colada Song mondegreen)
"Do/If you like pinochle otters" is a mondegreen (misheard lyric) of "If you like piña coladas" in "The Piña Colada Song" (1979). Pinochle otters have been shown on…
“A cable TV installer walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A cable TV installer version is: "A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a…
“Why haven’t aliens visited our solar system yet?”/“They looked at the reviews. Only 1 star.”
The earth's solar system has one star -- the sun. "one star" is not a rating, but there are jokes. "We should all give Earth a one star rating on Google Reviews so aliens…
“You want to hear a Social Security joke? You probably won’t get it”
The Social Security crisis led to this "joke": "You want to hear a Social Security joke? You probably won't get it." "Get it" refers to both the joke and the…
“Back in my day…there was so much toilet paper, people used to string it up in the trees”
The 2019-20 coronavirus outbreak caused panic purchasing, especially in toilet paper. "Back in my day...there was so much toilet paper, people were literally stringing it up in the trees of…
“Back in my day, the only time we started panic buying was when the bartender yelled ‘last call’”
The 2019-20 coronavirus outbreak had caused panic purchasing. "In my day, the only time we started panic buying was when the barman shouted 'Last Call'" was posted on Facebook…
“Due to panic purchasing, Walmart has opened a second register”
Walmart almost never, it seems, opens enough checkout lanes. "Update: Walmart prepares for the beginning of school year rush by opening a second register" was posted on Twitter by BSU…
“Despite a valiant effort by my dog from our window, our neighbor has entered his own home”
Dogs can protect property, but they frequently bark unnecessarily at neighbors. A joke was posted on ,a href="https://twitter.com/Darlainky/status/1176568789481267201">Twitter by…
“The smell of breakfast is the best alarm clock”
"The smell of grandmas breakfast is the best alarm clock" was posted on Twitter by KB on June 27, 2009. "The smell of breakfast is the best alarm clock :)" was posted on Twitter…