“Money can’t buy you happiness, but poverty will buy you nothing”
A proverbial saying is that "money can't buy happiness." "Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy anything" is a saying that has been printed on many…
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“Money can’t buy you happiness, but poverty can buy you misery”
A proverbial saying is that "money can't buy happiness." "Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy anything" is a saying that has been printed on many…
“Be a yogacorn, not a twatopotamus”
"Be a unicorn, not a twatopotamus" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying means that one should be a "unicorn" (someone unique and interesting) and not a…
“My wife found I was cheating when she saw the letters I was hiding…” (Scrabble joke)
A Scrabble joke has become a dadjoke classic. Authorship is uncertain. "My wife found the letters I had been hiding & realized I'd been cheating. She swears she'll never play…
“Broccoli implies the existence of sisccoli”
"Broccoli" leads some people to think there should be a singular "broccolus." Also, if there's "bro" in "broccoli," why isn't there…
“Potatoes, carrots, parsnips, turnips, beets, yams…. I’ll never forget my roots”
"Never forget your roots" usually means not to forget one's upbringing and ancestral roots, but a joke applies the saying to root vegetables. This was posted on Reddit -- Cleanjokes…
“Broccoli implies the existence of a single broccolus”
"Broccoli" leads some people to think there should be a singular "broccolus." Also, if there's "bro" in "broccoli," why isn't there…
“All bananas are strippers”
"Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world" is a popular saying. Bananas peel, and strippers peel clothing. "bananas are strippers undercover" was posted on Twitter by Gary…
“Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world”
"Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world" is a popular saying. Bananas peel, and strippers peel clothing. "bananas are strippers undercover" was posted on Twitter by Gary…
“Be a unicorn, not a twatopotamus”
"Be a unicorn, not a twatopotamus" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying means that one should be a "unicorn" (someone unique and interesting) and not a…
“Wrapping presents is the folding laundry of Christmas”
"Wrapping presents is folding laundry’s asshole cousin" is a saying that has been printed on several images. Many people hate wrapping presents, just as they hate folding laundry.…
Aimez-vous Glamis (name used to avoid the “Macbeth” curse)
William Shakespeare's play Macbeth includes witches, and theater tradition has it that the play is cursed. Saying the play's name or its lines (outside of an actual performance) is said…
“Toi, toi, toi” (good luck saying)
It's often considered, in the theater and elsewhere, to be bad luck to wish someone "good luck." Instead, some people say, "Toi, toi, toi," and spit three times.…
“Time machine for sale. Guaranteed previous day delivery”
"Just bought a time machine from Amazon.Well you have to when they offer previous day delivery. http://bit.ly/1J07av2 via @sickipedia" was posted on Twitter by Fresh Stand Up on May 25,…
“Time machine for sale. Previous day delivery available”
"Just bought a time machine from Amazon.Well you have to when they offer previous day delivery. http://bit.ly/1J07av2 via @sickipedia" was posted on Twitter by Fresh Stand Up on May 25,…
“I’m at the airport and a man just collapsed on the luggage carousel. He’s coming around slowly”
"Someone collapsed at the luggage carousel at Heathrow Airport. Medics claim they are coming round slowly" was posted on Twitter by Jimmy Ferguson on January 19, 2021. The joke is that…
The Glamis Comedy (name used to avoid the “Macbeth” cruse)
William Shakespeare's play Macbeth includes witches, and theater tradition has it that the play is cursed. Saying the play's name or its lines (outside of an actual performance) is said…
The Caledonian Tragedy (name used to avoid the “Macbeth” curse)
William Shakespeare's play Macbeth includes witches, and theater tradition has it that the play is cursed. Saying the play's name or its lines (outside of an actual performance) is said…
“Prosciutto implies the existence of amateursciutto”
Prosciutto is not "pro sciutto," but some people believe there should be amateursciutto, antisciutto and consciutto. "I don't really like prosciutto. I guess that makes me…
“Prosciutto implies the existence of antisciutto”
Prosciutto is not "pro sciutto," but some people believe there should be amateursciutto, antisciutto and consciutto. "I don't really like prosciutto. I guess that makes me…