“What did one leftover say to the other?”/“Foiled again!”
There's a joke about leftovers: Q: What did one leftover say to the other?A: Foiled again! "'Foiled again!' said leftover roast when it was popped back into the…
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“What do you call a helpful potato?”/“A facilitater.”
The potato has a few "-tater" jokes, such as: Q: What do you call a helpful potato?A: A facilitater. "Facili Tater= Helpful-puts faith and works into action" was cited in 2005.…
BTFVIX
THe financial blog Zero Hedge popularized "BTFD" (Buy The Fucking Dip) in 2010-11, stating that the "dip" was an opportunity to buy something at a cheaper price. This jocular…
Totalitolerance (totalitarian + tolerance)
"Totalitolerance" (totalitarian + tolerance) was cited in print in 2003 and 2004 and appears to have been first used in the United Kingdom. "Heard a great new word this morning:…
“An auditor is a watchdog, not a bloodhound”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Answers.comWhat is an auditor a watchdog or a bloodhound?The company's internal auditor is a watchdog, making sure rules are being followed. An external auditor is a…
“Why do only flat animals try to cross the road?”
"Why do only flat animals try to cross the road?" is a jocular question that Harold Ambrose Nuss asked on Twitter on January 24, 2013. "I can't be the only person who's…
“Synonym rolls…just like grammar used to make”
"Cinnamon rolls" have been jokingly referred to as "synonym rolls" since at least the 1990s. "Made some synonym rolls" was a popular tweet on July 9, 2014.…
Lego Cookery
Felipe Fernández-Armesto, a British historian, wrote in Near a Thousand Tables: A History of Food (2002): "Fusion food is Lego cookery. Only the revolution in availability makes it possible…
“What sort of vegetable can your father make with scissors?”/“Pa snips.”
There aren't many jokes about parsnips, but there is a pun: Q: What sort of vegetable can your father make with scissors?A: Pa snips. The joke has been cited in print since 2008. Pun of the…
Barns and No Bull (Barnes & Noble nickname)
Barnes & Noble booksellers began in New York City in 1886 and grew to become the largest retail bookseller in the United States. Barnes & Noble has been called "Barn(e)s and No…
“How do you make a Swiss roll?”/“Push him down a hill.”
A popular joke about the Swiss roll is: Q: How do you make a Swiss roll?A: Push him down a hill. "How do you make a Swiss roll? Push him down an Alp" was cited in print in 1968. “How do…
“What’s a comedian’s least favorite drink?”/“Booze.”
A "booze" ("boos") pun is: Q: What's a comedian's least favorite drink?A: Booze. The joke was cited on Twitter on May 20, 2015, but became popular after it was posted…
“What kind of bagel can fly?”/“A plain bagel.”
There's a popular bagel pun: Q: What kind of bagel can fly?A: A plain (plane) bagel. Peter Flom tweeted the joke on September 25, 2010, explaining tha it was "a joke my kid made up when…
“My school’s development office will find me” (alumni joke)
Many alumni joke that their school's development office always seem to find them to ask for money. The joke was told about Bates College in 2004 and about Harvard University in 2007 and 2011.…
“Dance is a series of three-minute romances” (“three-minute love affair”)
Dance (especially the tango) has been called "a three-minute love affair (with a stranger)" and "a three-minute romance." It's not known who originated the descriptions.…
“The sideline is a defender’s best friend”
"The sideline is a defender's (best) friend" is a football saying. "The baseline is a defender's (best) friend" is a saying in basketball and tennis. If a football…
“Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people”
The movie Forrest Gump (1994) contains the classic line: "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." A slight, jocular variation has been printed on…
Waitsplaining (waiter/waitress + explaining)
"Waitsplaining" (waiter/waitress + explaining) is when the waiter or waitress explains the menu to a diner. New York (NY) Times restaurant critic Pete Wells wrote on May 24, 2016:…
“Start every day with a smile and get it over with”
"Start every day with a smile" became a common saying by the 1930s. "Start every day with a smile and get it over with" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on…
“Three great inventions: fire, the wheel and central banking”
American humorist Will Rogers (1879-1935) is often credited with the jocular saying: "There have been three great inventions since the beginning of time: fire, the wheel, and central…