“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, life’s a bitch and beer’s a must”
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust" is a popular Christian burial saying, based on Genesis 3:19 (King James Version): "In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto…
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“Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant…”
The 15th-century mural painting The Last Supper by Leonardo da Vinci shows Jesus and his disciples all on the same side of the table. "Shooting 1abt the Last Supper where Jesus asks for a…
“I saw an Amish billboard that said, ‘don’t drink or drive’”
"Don't drink and drive" is a popular saying. "Don't drink or drive" -- with an Amish picture -- is a saying that has been printed on many T-shirts. BustedTees came out…
“A piece of sandpaper walks into a bar… (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A sandpaper version was posted on Twitter on November 24, 2012: "Sandpaper walks into…
“If coffee is my favorite drug, then what is coffee’s favorite drug?”/“Pot.”
A coffeepot riddle is: Q: If coffee is my favorite drug, then what is coffee's favorite drug?A: Pot. The joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on June 30, 2017. Reddit -- JokesIf coffee is my…
“The frustrated cannibal threw up his arms”
A jocular one-line saying about cannibalism is: "The frustrated cannibal threw up his arms." The joke was posted on Twitter by Tripp Perry on September 13, 2011. “Bulimic cannibal at…
“Practice as if you are the worst. Play as if you are the best”
"Practice as if you are the worst. Perform/Play as if you are the best" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. "Practice as if you are the worst, perform as…
“There are more important things than money, but they won’t date you if you don’t have any”
"There are more important things than money, but they won't date you if you don't have any" is a jocular line about money and dating that has been cited in print since at least…
“When life gives you melons, buy a bra”
"If/When life gives you lemons, make lemonade" is an old saying. "If/When life gives you melons, you may/might be dyslexic" is a jocular variant that has been printed on many…
“I hate flash mobs. One once kicked my door down and forced me to update my Adobe”
Does Adobe Flash have flash mobs associated with it? A joke was posted on Twitter on January 31, 2013: "I hate flash mobs. One mob actually busted my door down and forced me to update my…
“My church accepts all denominations—fivers, tenners, twenties”
"My church accepts all denominations -- fivers, tenners, twenties" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Our Aunt Julie says her church accepts all denominations…
“I just got done working all night, and I am ready to call it a day”
"I just got done working all night, and I am ready to call it a day" is a seemingly contradictory saying about working during the night. "Been working all night on the…
“Two reasons why I don’t give money to homeless people…” (joke)
A comment about giving money to homeless people was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on February 26, 2017: "2 reasons why I don't give money to homeless people:1. They need money for drugs.2. I…
“That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for too long”
"That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for too long, it breaks off and you wonder why bad things happen to good people" is a jocular line that has been printed on many…
“How do you make a slow worker fast?”/“Don’t give him anything to eat for a while.”
An employment riddle was posted on Reddit -- Dad Jokes on June 26, 2017: Q: How do you make a slow worker fast?A: Don't give him anything to eat for a while. Reddit -- Dad JokesHow do you make…
“Can I pour you a beer?”/“It’s a little early, isn’t it?...For stupid questions.”
Is "Can I pour you a drink?" a stupid question? A classic exchange was on the American television sitcom Cheers, on the episode "Let Sleeping Drakes Lie" that originally aired…
“Sarcasm is like a good game of chess. Most people don’t know how to play chess”
Not everyone understands sarcasm. "Sarcasm is like a good game of chess. Most people don’t know how to play chess" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. The…
“I’m so bad at chess the only way I’ll get to say ‘checkmate’ is at an Australian restaurant”
There's a difference between "Checkmate!" (said at the end of a game of chess) and "Check/cheque, mate!" (said at the end of a restaurant meal in Australia), but it's…
“Why is Texas called the Lone Star State?”/“It’s their Yelp rating.”
Texas has been called the "Lone Star State" since the 1840s because of the single star in its flag. A modern joke is: Q: Why is Texas called the Lone Star State?A: It's their Yelp…
“I’m so bad at chess the only way I’ll get to say ‘checkmate’ is at an Australian restaurant”
There's a difference between "Checkmate!" (said at the end of a game of chess) and "Check/cheque, mate!" (said at the end of a restaurant meal in Australia), but it's…