“Playing golf is like playing fetch with yourself”
"Golf: The art of playing fetch with yourself" is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "Golf: Playing 'fetch' with yourself" was posted on the…
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“If you win a year’s worth of calendars, do you only win one calendar?”
A joke has someone getting "a year's supply of calendars" -- one calendar. The joke was used on the American television sitcom Full House, the episode "The Big Three-O"…
“My dad told me to invest my money in bonds, so I bought 100 copies of Goldfinger”
A bond (a financial instrument) has nothing to do with James Bond (a fictional British Secret Service agent), but there have been several jokes. UK comedian Nick Hall posted on Twitter on July 10,…
“What kind of vegetables did they eat in the 18th century?”/“Baroque-oli.”
"Broccoli" is sometimes punned on many images as "baroque-oli." "What was Bach's favourite vegetable? Baroque-oli #unfunnyjokes" was posted on Twitter on July 26,…
“People often say ‘icy’ is the easiest word to spell and, looking at it now, I see why”
"The phrase ‘i see why’ forms the letters I, C, and Y, which, when put together, spell the word’ icy’. this world is full of beauty" is an observation that was posted on Twitter…
“What happened to the Indian chief who drank too much tea?”/“He drowned in his tea-pee.”
"Teepee" (a cone-shaped tent) sounds like "tea pee." A tea riddle is: Q: What happened to the Indian chief who drank too much tea?A: He drowned in his tea-pee. The joke was…
“I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time”
A joke about time was submitted by Tom Ward to the Edinburgh (Scotland) Festival Fringe in August 2015: "I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time." The…
“Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal”
"Money can't buy happiness" is a proverb that has been cited in English since at least 1821. There have been many jocular additions to the proverb. "They say money can't…
“I know it’s cheesy, but I feel grate”
"I know it's cheesy, but I feel grate" is a pun-filled saying that has been printed on several images, usually with a picture of a cheese grater. The saying was posted on Twitter on…
“Ordered stuff using my donor card instead of my debit card. Cost me an arm and a leg”
Some people get the cards in their wallet mixed up. "I was soooo pissed I went to call a cab from the phone box and put in me donor card instead of me phone card.....cost me an arm and a…
“I don’t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. All Fridays matter”
Black Friday is a busy shopping day after Thanksgiving; it has nothing to do with 19th century slaves (a false etymology) or current African Americans. However, many people have used the Black…
Pennsylvania: “Pennsylvania is Philadelphia and Pittsburgh at the ends, Alabama in between”
American political strategist James Carville ran Democratic campaigns in Pennsylvania in the 1980s. He described the state as mostly rural -- with Philadelphia on one end and Pittsburgh on the…
“Never trust atoms. They make up everything” (science joke)
"Never trust atoms. They make up everything' is a science pun that has been printed on many images. A riddle was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on December 26, 2012: Q: Why can't you…
“I used to like chicken more than beef, but that was hen and this is cow”
"That was hen, this is cow" -- an animal pun on "that was then, this is now" -- is a jocular one-liner that has been printed on several images. "That Was Then, This Is…
“Failed a job interview last week. Apparently a gangbang isn’t proof you can work in a team”
Employers often seek people who can work in a team. A joke was posted on Twitter on March 19, 2011: "Failed a job interview today. Apparently gangbang isn't proof that you have worked as…
“Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal”
"Money can't buy happiness" is a proverb that has been cited in English since at least 1821. There have been many jocular additions to the proverb. "They say money can't…
“What is a snowman’s favorite dinner?”/“Spaghetti and snowballs.”
The dish of spaghetti and meatballs sometimes becomes "spaghetti and snowballs" in winter months. "ICED SPAGHETTI AND SNOWBALLS AGAIN?" was published in the Li'l Abner…
“I lost my job as a yes man because I no too much”
A joke about a "yes man" was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners on November 23, 2017: "I lost my job as a yes man because I no too much." The one-liner is a pun on "know too…
Shopocalypse
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: Reverend Billy and the Stop Shopping ChoirReverend Billy and the Stop Shopping Choir is a radical performance community with an Elvis-like preacher based in New…
“I just got completely burnt fries at a restaurant. It really is Black Fry Day”
A pun on "Black Friday" is "Black Fry Day" -- a day of burnt french fries. "McDonald's should served only burnt french fries the day after Thanksgiving, because…