“Do your homework or you’ll end up at McDonald’s”
"Do your homework or you'll end up (working) at McDonald's!" is a parent's threat to a child. If the child doesn't do well in school, then he or she will wind up…
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“I saw a clown doing sit-ups. Funny how things work out”
"I saw a clown doing sit-ups. Funny how things work out. (via @russell_kane)" was posted on Twitter on March 2, 2012. The joke is from English comedian Ruseel Kane. Wikipedia: Russell…
“Why was the racehorse named Strawberry Ice?”/“He was a sherbet.”
A sherbet riddle is: Q: Why was the racehorse named Strawberry Ice?A: He was a sherbet (sure bet). The joke was posted on Twitter on November 2, 2009. Wiktionary: sherbet Nounsherbet (countable and…
“Which insect didn’t play well in goal?”/“The fumble bee.”
A bumble bee riddle is: Q: Which insect didn't play well in goal?A: The fumble bee. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2001. CPFC BBS furry mascots and football jokes.…
“Quant is another word for wild fucking guess with math”
Mike "Wags" Wagner of Axe Capital said on the Showtime television series Billions, on the episode "A Generation Too Late" that aired on April 8, 2018: "Quant is another…
“Why was the racehorse named Strawberry Ice?”/“He was a sherbet.”
A sherbet riddle is: Q: Why was the racehorse named Strawberry Ice?A: He was a sherbet (sure bet). The joke was posted on Twitter on November 2, 2009. Wiktionary: sherbet Nounsherbet (countable and…
“My dad told me he was into East Asian music and I was like, ‘k, pop…’”
"K-pop" (Korean popular music) is sometimes confused with "K, pop" (a response to a father). "A father asks his child, 'Could you please stop listening to Korean…
“I have an addiction to tag. It’ll be touch and go, whether I need professional help”
Jokes about the game of tag are very "touch and go." "I'm proud to say that I have finally beaten my addiction to playing Tag, but it was touch and go there for a while"…
“Mary, I’m having one more pint with the lads. If I’m not home in 20 minutes, read this again”
A joke "Irish text message" has been printed on several images: "Mary, I'm having one more pint with the lads. If I'm not home in 20 minutes, read this message again."…
“I went to a vegan prostitute last night and she gave me her peas”
"Herpes" (a disease) sounds like "her peas," and there have been many puns. "I once went out with a girl that gave me peas with my dinner, just so she could say she gave me…
“I would buy an electric car, but they charge too much”
Electric cars need charges. "I wanted to get an electric car but I found they charged too much" is a pun that was posted on Twitter by C. Erika Lefevre (CAEL) on August 23. 2011. "I…
“I would die for shopping. I’m a Walmartyr”
The portmanteau word "Walmartyr" or 'Wal-Martyr" (Walmart + martyr) has had more than one meaning. Walmart (or Wal-Mart) is a chain of retail stores. The Urban Dictionary…
“Two Corinthians walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A New Testament version is: "Two Corinthians walk into a bar..." The Second…
“A linguist walks into a bar and orders an IPA…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A linguist version is: "A linguist walks into a bar and orders an IPA..."…
“If Friday had a face, I would kiss it”
"If Friday had a face, I would kiss it" is a Friday (often the end of the work week) saying that has been printed on many images. "Yay it's Friday! If Friday had a face I would…
“Don’t stop when you are tired. Stop when you are done”
"Don't stop when you are tired. Stop when you are done" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. "DONT STOP WHEN YOU ARE TIRED, STOP WHEN YOU ARE…
Walmartyr (Walmart + martyr)
The portmanteau word "Walmartyr" or 'Wal-Martyr" (Walmart + martyr) has had more than one meaning. Walmart (or Wal-Mart) is a chain of retail stores. The Urban Dictionary…
“No one is more judgmental than a waitress questioning if you’ve saved room for dessert”
"No one is more judgmental than a waitress questioning if you’ve saved room for dessert" is a jocular saying that has been printed on an image. The saying was posted on Twitter on…
“It’s Friday!!!! Sorry, just practicing for tomorrow”
"It's Friday!!!! Sorry, just practicing for tomorrow" is a Thursday saying that has been printed on many images. "Hooray, it's Friday! (just practicing for tomorrow"…
“If a cop tells you to put your hands in the air, don’t wave them like you just don’t care”
“Throw your hands in the air like you just don’t care” is a saying that became popular in the 1980s. What if the police tell you to put your hands in the air? "When a cop tells you to…