“The gym accused me of stealing, but the sign clearly said ‘free weights’”
"Free weights" is a term in weight training that includes dumbbells, barbells, medicine balls, sandbells and kettlebells. It doesn't mean that these weights are "free," but…
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“Insect protein is a locust alternative to meat”
"Locust" sometimes sounds like "low cost." "Would you try protein bars made with crickets?"/"Are they to be a locust alternative?" was posted on Twitter on…
“Two blondes walk into a building. You’d think one of them would have seen it”
"Two men walk into a bar. You’d think the second one would have seen it" is a classic bar joke. A similar joke was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on October 8, 1997: "Two…
“Have Only Positive Expectations” (“hope” backronym)
"Have Only Positive Expectations" is a backronym (back acronym) of the word "hope" that has been printed on many images. The backronym was said by Lou Holtz, then the head…
“Never give a donation to anyone collecting for a marathon. They’ll take the money and run”
"Take the money and run" is an old expression. A jocular twist was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on May 13, 2017: "Never give a donation to someone collecting for a charity marathon.…
“So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff”
"So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Don't worry, kids. Being an adult is…
“My girlfriend told me to choose between our relationship and my career as a reporter” (joke)
A joke about being a news reporter was posted on Twitter by Bob Kostic on December 25, 2015: "So my girlfriend told me to choose between our relationship and my career as a reporter. Well…
“If life is not smiling at you, give it a good tickling”
"If life is not smiling at you, give it a good tickling" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "And when life is not smiling at you, then it…
“God please give me patience, if you give me strength I will just punch them”
"God please give me patience, if you give me strength I will just punch them in the face" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying can be used regarding…
“Never give a donation to anyone collecting for a marathon. They’ll take the money and run”
"Take the money and run" is an old expression. A jocular twist was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on May 13, 2017: "Never give a donation to someone collecting for a charity marathon.…
“I bought a 12 year old scotch. His parents weren’t pleased”
There's a difference between "buying a 12 year old (bottle of) scotch" and "buying a 12 year old (person) scotch." A joke was posted on Twitter on January 25, 2013:…
“If you walk a mile in my shoes, you’ll end up at the bar”
“Before you judge someone, walk a mile in his shoes” is an old proverb. "If you walk a mile in my shoes, you'll end up at the bar" is a jocular saying that has been printed on…
“We are so poor we eat Ordinary K for breakfast”
There is a "Special K" brand of cereal, and it's sometimes joked that a person is so poor, he or she had to eat "Ordinary K." "Eating 'Ordinary K' breakfast…
“If you walk a mile in my shoes, you’ll end up in a wine bar”
“Before you judge someone, walk a mile in his shoes” is an old proverb. "If you walk a mile in my shoes, you'll end up at the bar" is a jocular saying that has been printed on…
“Coffee. Work. Wine. Sleep. Repeat”
"Coffee. Wine. Sleep. Repeat" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "The story of my life... coffee - wine - sleep repeat" was posted on Twitter on April 30, 2010.…
“Coffee. Yoga. Wine. Repeat”
"Coffee. Yoga. Wine. Repeat" is a yoga saying that has been printed on many images. "coffee. yoga. wine. repeat." was posted on Twitter by Amanda Palmer on August 15, 2013, but…
“Coffee. Teach. Repeat”
"Coffee. Teach. Sleep. Repeat" is a teacher saying that has been printed on many images. "eat. coffee. teach. sleep. repeat." was posted on Twitter on July 15, 2010.…
“I found a hat with $17.50 in it. A guy was too busy juggling to pick it up”
Many public performers leave a hat (to collect donations) on the ground. A joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on May 17, 2018: "I found a hat with £17.50 in it. I thought this other lad was…
“Coffee. Yoga. Wine. Sleep. Repeat”
"Coffee. Yoga. Wine. Repeat" is a yoga saying that has been printed on many images. "coffee. yoga. wine. repeat." was posted on Twitter by Amanda Palmer on August 15, 2013, but…
“Take the W out of Waffle House and it’s just Awful House”
The Sesame Street song "The National Association Of 'W' Lovers" (1971) has the lyrics: A fine word like "waffle"Would turn out just "awful"Oh,…