“I’m aspirin’ to be a chemist”
"Aspiring" should not be confused with "aspirin," but there are jokes. "You see, I'm Aspirin' to become an agricultural tumour, sorry, a Farmer Cyst!" was…
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“I’m aspirin’ to be a nurse”
"Aspiring" should not be confused with "aspirin," but there are jokes. "You see, I'm Aspirin' to become an agricultural tumour, sorry, a Farmer Cyst!" was…
“How December 2020 is going to look like: ‘Merry Crisis and a Happy New Fear’”
"Merry crisis and a happy new fear" -- a pun on "Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year" -- has been printed on many images. The saying is from graffiti that was painted on the…
“Two things to make your day better: 1. Do not watch the news. 2. Stay off the bathroom scales”
Some helpful advice was posted on Facebook by Lisa Harris Tucker on June 26, 2020: "Two things to makeyour day better1. Do not watch the news.2. Stay off the bathroom scales."…
“Why do eggs come in flimsy styrofoam cartons & batteries in a package only a chainsaw opens?”
"Why do eggs come in flimsy styrofoam cartons and batteries come in a package only a chainsaw can open?" is a question that has been printed on many images. One possible answer is that…
“Celery is just glorified grass”
Celery has often been described as a combination of grass and water. "Celery is just crunchy water” is a celery saying. "'See, the thing with celery is...it's grass-flavored,…
“If you haven’t seen me in a while, I’m fat now. You don’t have to tell me. Thanks in advance”
Many people gain weight as they grow older -- and they do not have to be told this. "If you haven’t seen me in a while, I’m fat now. You don’t have to tell me. Thanks in advance" is…
“Merry crisis and a happy new fear”
"Merry crisis and a happy new fear" -- a pun on "Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year" -- has been printed on many images. The saying is from graffiti that was painted on the…
“Chin up, shoulders back. Wipe those tears and get back on track…”
"Chin up, shoulders back. Wipe those tears and get back on track. Smile, wave and wink with class, then tell them all to kiss your ass" is a jocular inspirational saying that has been…
“Have we tried throwing a politician into a volcano to appease the virus yet?”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic had many people frustrated with politicians. "You shouldn’t be able to fuck up this bad as a politician without being thrown into a volcano" was…
“Celery is what happens when you tell grass it can be anything it wants to be”
Celery has often been described as a combination of grass and water. "Celery is just crunchy water” is a celery saying. "'See, the thing with celery is...it's grass-flavored,…
“Celery is basically just grass with water retention”
Celery has often been described as a combination of grass and water. "Celery is just crunchy water” is a celery saying. "'See, the thing with celery is...it's grass-flavored,…
“The only Apple product that I can afford to buy is apple juice”
An "Apple product" usually does not refer to the fruit, but there are jokes. "I am going to buy an Apple product this morning.. Guess which? Options: Fruit, Natural juice, or…
“Alexa, check my bank balance and tell me which Apple product can I buy?”/“Apple juice.”
An "Apple product" usually does not refer to the fruit, but there are jokes. "I am going to buy an Apple product this morning.. Guess which? Options: Fruit, Natural juice, or…
“Siri, check my bank account and tell me which Apple product I can buy.”/“Apple juice.”
An "Apple product" usually does not refer to the fruit, but there are jokes. "I am going to buy an Apple product this morning.. Guess which? Options: Fruit, Natural juice, or…
“If you’re ugly with pretty eyes, this is your moment!” (face mask requirement)
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in face mask requirements. "If you're ugly with pretty eyes, this is your moment!" (or "If you're ugly, but have pretty eyes,…
“If you’re ugly but have pretty eyes, this is your time to shine!” (face mask requirement)
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in face mask requirements. "If you're ugly with pretty eyes, this is your moment!" (or "If you're ugly, but have pretty eyes,…
“What do you call a security guard at a swimming pool?”/“The poolice.”
"Poolice" (poll + police) is a portmanteau word that has been infrequently used. "Poolice search doctor’s office for records. Poolice, are those swimming pool cops?" was…
“If you’re ugly but have pretty eyes, this is your chance!” (face mask requirement)
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in face mask requirements. "If you're ugly with pretty eyes, this is your moment!" (or "If you're ugly, but have pretty eyes,…
“It’s my God-given right to be an atheist”
Do atheists have God-given rights? "Yes, you have a God-given right to be an atheist in America" was printed in the Twin Falls (ID) Times-News on July 7, 1963. "It's my…