“Today is the first day of the rest of your life. But so was yesterday..”
"Today is the first day of the rest of your life. But so was yesterday, and look how that turned out" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Google Groups:…
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“I lost my Tic Tacs today. Now, I’m looking for replacemints”
"Lost my Tic-Tacs yesterday... Now Im looking for some replace mints" was posted on Twitter by David Easaw on January 8, 2013. "I lost my Tic Tacs today.... Now, I'm looking for…
“We are the unorganized truth, fighting an organized lie”
"We are the unorganized truth, fighting an organized lie" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Twitter Camille Catherine@yourstrulycamWe are the unorganized truth fighting an…
“Can you strangle a mime with a cordless phone?”
Many people hate mimes. "I just strangled a mime with a cordless phone" was posted on Twitter by Jason Maybe on January 22, 2011. "I just strangled a mime.... With a cordless…
“My career as a street fighter didn’t last very long. I broke my hand punching a curb”
Street Fighter is one of the highest-grossing video game franchises of all time. The title refers to fighting in the street -- not fighting against the street. "My career as a street fighter…
“Today is the first day of the rest of your life”
Entry in progress -- BP Wikiquote: TodayQuotesToday is the first day of the rest of your life.. Attributed to Charles Dederich by The Washington Post (December 10, 1978), p. C5. He was the founder…
“Trust the government, said no founding father, ever”
"Trust the government, said no founding father, ever" and "We must never question the government, said no founding father, ever" are sayings that have been printed on many…
“I just strangled a mime with a cordless phone”
Many people hate mimes. "I just strangled a mime with a cordless phone" was posted on Twitter by Jason Maybe on January 22, 2011. "I just strangled a mime.... With a cordless…
“We must never question the government, said no founding father, ever”
"Trust the government, said no founding father, ever" and "We must never question the government, said no founding father, ever" are sayings that have been printed on many…
Fatdonalds (fat + McDonald’s)
Entry in progress -- BP Wikipedia: McDonald'sMcDonald's Corporation is an American fast food company, founded in 1940 as a restaurant operated by Richard and Maurice McDonald, in San…
“Did you know that 2-3 glasses of wine per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?”
"Did you know that 2-3 glasses of wine per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?" (or "Did you know 2-3 vodkas per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?") is a jocular…
“Since I bought a solar-powered treadmill, I’ve been walking on sunshine”
"I'm walking on sunshine woahhhh I'm walking on sunshine woahhh wait it's a treadmill ..." was posted on Twitter by Anna Craig on April 9, 2010. The song "Walking on…
“Did you know that 10-60 minutes of yoga per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?”
"Did you know that 2-3 glasses of wine per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?" (or "Did you know 2-3 vodkas per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?") is a jocular…
“What’s the most expensive video-streaming service at this time?”/“University.”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many colleges to switch to remote learning. A riddle was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on October 7, 2020: Q: What is the most expensive video-streaming…
“I’m walking on a treadmill. I named it Sunshine. I’m walking on Sunshine”
"I'm walking on sunshine woahhhh I'm walking on sunshine woahhh wait it's a treadmill ..." was posted on Twitter by Anna Craig on April 9, 2010. The song "Walking on…
“Did you know that 2-3 shots of tequila per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?”
"Did you know that 2-3 glasses of wine per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?" (or "Did you know 2-3 vodkas per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?") is a jocular…
“Oedipus, Aphrodite and Midas walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A Greek mythology version was posted on both Reddit -- Dadjokes and Reddit -- Jokes on…
“Restaurants always use ‘crispy’ as opposed to ‘fried’ to make it sound healthier”
Does "crispy" sound healthier than "fried"? "I get the crispy chicken salad to make fried chicken sound healthier" was posted on Twitter by Wilson E on November 16,…
“Oedipus and Midas walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A Greek mythology version was posted on both Reddit -- Dadjokes and Reddit -- Jokes on…
“Did you know that 6 to 8 beers per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?”
"Did you know that 2-3 glasses of wine per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?" (or "Did you know 2-3 vodkas per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?") is a jocular…