“What is the difference between noon and high noon?”/“Weed.”
The term "high noon" means "precisely noon," but also means "the time of a decisive confrontation or contest." There are several joke answers about "noon"…
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“I don’t need sex because the government fucks me every day”
"I don't need sex. The government fucks/screws me every day" is an anti-government saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been put on T-shirts since at least…
“4:20 could also be called high noon”
The term "high noon" means "precisely noon," but also means "the time of a decisive confrontation or contest." There are several joke answers about "noon"…
“What kind of cells get drafted for war?”/“Diploid.”
"Diploid" sounds a bit like "deployed." "What happens when a normal cell goes to war? It becomes DIPLOID" was posted on Twitter by rebecca on February 10, 2016.…
“The truth does not mind being questioned. A lie does not like being challenged”
"The truth does not mind being questioned. A lie does not like being challenged" is a saying that has been printed on many images. TwitterYoga Bliss Studio@YogaBlissCSTruth does not mind…
“There are three types of people in the world: Those who can count and those who can’t”
"There are three types of people in the world: Those who can count and those who can't" is a joke that has been printed on many images. "'There are three kinds of people:…
“There are three kinds of mathematician: those who can count and those who can’t”
"There are three types of people in the world: Those who can count and those who can't" is a joke that has been printed on many images. "'There are three kinds of people:…
“If you eat cake fast enough, your Fitbit will think you’re walking”
"If you eat cake/cookies/donuts fast enough, your Fitbit will think you're jogging/walking" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I heard if you eat fast…
“Do biscuits websites use cookies?”
An "HTTP cookie" is not something that's eaten, but there have been several jokes. A popular joke translates American "cookies" to British "biscuits." Another…
“If you eat tacos fast enough, your Fitbit will think you’re walking”
"If you eat cake/cookies/donuts fast enough, your Fitbit will think you're jogging/walking" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I heard if you eat fast…
“If you eat cookies fast enough, your Fitbit will think you’re running”
"If you eat cake/cookies/donuts fast enough, your Fitbit will think you're jogging/walking" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I heard if you eat fast…
“If you eat donuts fast enough, your Fitbit will think you’re jogging”
"If you eat cake/cookies/donuts fast enough, your Fitbit will think you're jogging/walking" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I heard if you eat fast…
“‘I can’t fix my life. But I can fix the world,’ said the socialist”
Socialists (and socialism) have been criticized for not being successful, but for pushing that failure on the world. A saying was posted on Twitter by Alice Smith on April 9, 2021: "'I…
“If American websites use cookies, do British websites use biscuits?”
An "HTTP cookie" is not something that's eaten, but there have been several jokes. A popular joke translates American "cookies" to British "biscuits." Another…
“If .com websites use cookies, should .co.uk sites use biscuits?”
An "HTTP cookie" is not something that's eaten, but there have been several jokes. A popular joke translates American "cookies" to British "biscuits." Another…
“Fun fact: If you refill a wine glass before it’s empty, it still counts as one glass”
"Fun fact: If you refill a wine glass before it’s empty, it still counts as one glass" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship of the saying is unknown.…
“All the young people today are stealing bus stop signs. Where do they get off?”
"Where do you get off?" is an idiom, meaning "Where do you get off {saying or doing that)?" It is similar to "How dare you (say or do that)!" It is not related to…
“I always regret making a good first impression because there is no way I can keep that shit up”
"I always regret making a good first impression because there is no way I can keep that shit up" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I always regret making a…
“I always regret making a good first impression. Because there’s no way I can keep that up for long”
"I always regret making a good first impression because there is no way I can keep that shit up" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I always regret making a…
“If I say ‘I could eat,’ we’ve got about 32 minutes tops before I am flat out a different person”
People behave differently when they're hungry. "If I say 'I could eat' we’ve got about 32 minutes tops before I am flat out a different person" was posted on Twitter by…