A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“Somewhere between a donut and a juice cleanse” (7/13)
“Somewhere between a doughnut and a juice cleanse” (7/13)
Entry in progress—BP47 (7/13)
Entry in progress—BP46 (7/13)
Entry in progress—BP45 (7/13)
More new entries...

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“If the front of your shirt isn’t wet, did you ever really wash the dishes?”

“Honk if you see parts fall off” (bumper sticker)

“Honk if a kid falls out” (bumper sticker)

“Honk if parts fall off” (bumper sticker)

“Honk if one of my kids flies out” (bumper sticker)

“My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said ‘less McDonald’s’”

“Champions don’t become champions in the ring—they are merely recognized there”

“Beautiful things happen when you distance yourself from negativity”

“A true friend sees the pain in your eyes, even when you have a big smile on your face”

“See Miracles In Life Everyday” (“smile” backronym)

“What’s the difference between a bond and a bond trader?”/“The bond matures.”

“Good things happen to cheap stocks” (Wall Street adage)

“Baking is mostly just gluing broken plants back together with eggs”

“What’s the best way to serve a stack of puncakes?”/“Syruptitiously.”

Frinally (Friday + finally)

“I don’t work on Fridays, I make appearances”

“Friday: Golden child of the weekdays. Superhero of the workweek. Welcome wagon to the weekend”

“It’s Friday, time to go make stories for Monday”

“Music always sounds better on Friday”

“On Fridays, I prefer my espresso in a martini”

“Why are buffalo wings so small when buffalo are so big?”

Carwashero (carwash worker)

Big Ugly (New York State budget process nickname)

“Clarinet: I wet my reeds with the tears of brass players”

T-triple-P (titles, power, pork and patronage)

“Diner: I can’t eat this! Call the manager! Waiter: It’s no use. He won’t eat it, either.”

“Spice—the fennel frontier”

“It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to paint it”

“Today, I found a penny. It reminded me of you” (joke)

“What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?”/“Fat. You get fat.”

BYOB (Bring Your Own Bag)

“Yay, it’s Friday! Oh wait, I’m a realtor”

“I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol”

“Marching Band: Making socially awkward kids feel accepted since July”

“Weight loss pills stolen this morning—police say suspects are still at large”

“Weight loss mantra? Fat chants!”

“Tough shit if you do not eat enough fiber”

“I tried to force-feed our son when my wife said, ‘Use the fricking spoon. You’re not a Jedi’”

“Coffee is so popular, it’s had an entire line of tables named after it”

“I taught my daughter what the word ‘bargain’ meant” (joke)

“What do you call an Irishman who won’t stop bouncing off the walls?”/“Rick O’Shea.”

“I’m not a big fan of archery. It has too many drawbacks”

“I turn coffee into tax returns”

“Men have feelings, too. Sometimes we feel thirsty”

“Men have feelings, too. For example, we feel hungry”

“If we go to prison for downloading music, I hope they separate us by genre”

“What do you call an Irishman hanging from the ceiling?”/“Sean D’Olier.”

“Why did the pilot blush?”/“Because he saw the airstrip.”

“Scrambled eggs should be spelled dcrbmlaes gegs”

“What do you call a mean vegetable?”/“A rudeabaga.”

“What kind of vegetable has the worst manners?”/“A rudeabaga.”

“Why did the coffee file a police report?”/“Because it got mugged.”

“If you were a vegetable, you’d be a rudeabaga”

“It’s harder to defend a title than it is to win it”

“What is a chiropractor’s favorite type of music?”/“Hip-pop.”

“What do you call a polite man who builds bridges?”/“A civil engineer.”

“I’ve bean thinking about you a latte”

“The only man worth chasing this summer is the ice cream man”

“Salt is just angry sugar”

“Every day should start with coffee and end with ice cream”

“Are you coffee because I’ve bean thinking about you a latte”

“A chiropractor is a hip-pop artist”

“Don’t wait. Vaccinate”

“A world without weird people is like vanilla ice cream without the sprinkles”

“It’s not your job to like me—it’s mine”

“Why did the chicken cross the road?”/“To have its motives questioned.”

“The Masters doesn’t really begin until the second nine on Sunday” (golf adage)

“It’s not your job to love me—it’s mine”

“Why did the chicken cross the road?”/“Can’t a fucking chicken cross a road…?”

“Truth is authority. Authority is not truth”

“Seltzer is just angry water”

“Sparkling water is just angry water”

“Club soda is just angry water”

“Vodka is just angry water”

“Sprite is just angry water”

“Sparkling water is angry water and I do not need that kind of negativity in my life”

“How did Flori die?”/“She died in Missouri.”

Missouri: “How did Flori die?”/“She died in Missouri.”

“Where has Oregon?” (pun)

“Got a job as a human statue. It’s a permanent position”

“I work as a living statue. It’s a permanent position”

“Why did the bagel go to the bar?”/“To get toasted.”

“New York is way better than Old York”

“Walmart is like a little piece of Florida in every state”

“Football fields are just very big rulers”

“Working on making my second million dollars. Gave up on the first million”

“Walmart is a little piece of Florida in every state”

“The City of New York is more well known than the place it’s named after”

“I beat anorexia”

“I drink and I know things”

Criminally Negligent News (CNN nickname)

Collusion News Network (CNN nickname)

More Stupid Nonsense Bull Crap (MSNBC nickname)

“What does the Chinese cowboy say?”/“Yeehao.”

“What does a Chinese cowboy say?”/“Ni-haody.”

Cabal News Network (CNN nickname)

“I Googled the phrase ‘missing medieval servant.’ It came back with ‘Page not found’”

“The most nervous fruit is a pear annoyed”

“Were the exam questions difficult?”/“No, it was the answers that gave me trouble.”

“IPA lot when I drink”

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