“I can’t stand when people kick me in the back of the leg”
The saying "I can't stand" is usually not taken literally, but there are jokes. This was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on November 24, 2019: "I can't stand when people kick…
“I can’t wait until I retire so I can get up early on a morning and drive around really slowly”
"I can't wait until I retire so I can get up early on a morning and drive around really slowly making everyone late for work" is a jocular saying about retirement. The saying was…
“I can’t work in an environment where I’m expected to do my job”
"I can't work in an environment where I'm expected to do my job" is a popular ecard. The jocular saying has been cited on Twitter since October 2, 2013. TwitterMarvin EL…
“I can’t work today. There’s a huge ball of fire emitting deadly radiation” (joke)
An employment joke has been printed on many images: Employee: I can't work today. There's a huge ball of fire emitting deadly radiation.Boss: You can't skip work today because…
“I can’t even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory”
Some jobs provide temptations. Who can resist popping a bubble wrap? "Hardest job ever: Working in a bubble wrap factory. Imagine the self-control needed" and "I can’t even imagine…
“I could be a morning person, if morning happened around noon”
"I could be a morning person, if morning happened around noon" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "I could be a morning person . . . If morning…
“I couldn’t find a parking spot at work today, so I went home. Looks like they had enough people”
"I drove into work today but I couldn't find a parking spot, so I turned around and went home" was posted on Twitter by kingsolomon2010 on November 18, 2010. "Couldn't find…
“I couldn’t get my fridge to work this morning, so I took the bus instead”
"I couldn't get my fridge to work this morning, so I took the bus instead" is a joke that was posted on X/Twitter by Puns AndOneliners on August 2, 2019. The joke is that the fridge…
“I couldn’t pay my doctor, so he gave me another six months to live”
American comedican Henny Youngman (1906-1998) frequently told of a doctor who gave a man only six months to live. The man couldn't pay his medical bills, so the doctor gave him another six…
“I couldn’t work for that man after what he said to me” (joke)
An employment joke was printed in the Wilmington (DE) Morning News on December 26, 1933: "If the boss doesn't take back what he said to me, I shall leave.""What did he…
“I decided to greet my coworkers with a ‘Congrats on not dying in your sleep’”
"Good morning, Warren, and congratulations on once again not dying in your sleep…" is a jocular version of "good morning" that was posted on Twitter by Munsi on January 3,…
“I definitely learned my lesson about speeding today. I just showed up to work 20 minutes early”
One disadvantage of speeding -- besides potentially getting a speeding ticket -- is that the driver might arrive at a destination too early. "I definitely learned my lesson about speeding…
“I didn’t come this far to only come this far”
"I didn't come this far to only come this far" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. "From a FB friend: 'I didn't come this far, to only come…
“I didn’t get there by wishing for it or hoping for it, but by working for it” (Estée Lauder)
"I never dreamed about success. I worked for it" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. American businessperson Estée Lauder (1908-2004) -- born Josephine Esther…
“I didn’t realize I was supposed to know how to do everything by my second rodeo”
“This ain’t my first rodeo” (or "This is not my first rodeo") is a popular saying. It is an expression that means "I wasn't born yesterday" (I'm not naive in…
“I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.”
"I didn't say it was your fault -- I said I was going to blame you" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters and T-shirts. The saying is what a…
“I didn’t get the job hypnotising chickens. I failed the hen trance exam”
Many jobs have entrance exams. This joke was posted by many people on X/Twitter and Facebook on January 30, 2022: "I didn’t get the job hypnotising chickens. I failed the hen trance…
“I didn’t like working at the steel plant. It smelt”
"Smelling" and "smelting" shouldn't be confused, but there are jokes. This pun was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on January 26, 2024: "I didn’t like working at the…
“I didn’t sign up for the 401k at work, because there’s no way I can run that far”
A 301(k) retirement savings contribution plan shouldn't be confused with a 10K (kilometers) run, but there's a joke: "I didn't sign up for the 401k at work, because there's…
“I do many things well. None of which generate income”
"I do many things well. None of which generate income" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying (“I do many things well, none of which generates an…