“I am writing a book. It is called ‘I have a job’. It is a working title”
A "working title" doesn't have to involve work, but there are jokes. "It's a working title but it doesn't have a job" was posted on Twitter by tintrospek on…
“I be flying home after work like I’m late for the house”
"I drive home so quick after work like I'm late for the house" is a saying that has been printed on many imaes. Some people can't wait to get home after a day's work.…
“I beat my boss over the head with a pie chart. I’ve been charged with a graph-aided assault”
A work pun was posted on the website PunGents.com on August 4, 2017: "So… I beat my boss over the head with a pie chart. And they charged me with a graph-aided assault." "A…
“I bet Dracula does all his shopping online, just so he can keep clicking on ‘Your Account’”
"Your account" shouldn't be confused with "You're a Count," but there are several Count Dracula puns. "RT @GaryDelaney: I bet Dracula does all his shopping…
“I bought an expensive ruler, just for good measure”
The expression "for good measure" usually doesn't involve actual measuring, but there are jokes. "I needed to buy a new ruler and they were 2 for 50p. I bought an extra one for…
“I bought my wig at a discount store. Didn’t want toupee full price”
"Toupee" sounds like "to pay." A joke was posted on Sickipedia on December 20, 2019: "I bought my wig at a discount store. Didn't want toupee full price."…
“I build yachts in my attic. Sails are going through the roof”
"Sales/Profits are going through the roof” is an expression meaning that a business is generating a lot of money. One pun on "sales"/"sails" is: "I started a…
“I called the Tinnitus hotline earlier, but it just kept ringing”
Tinnitus is a disease that is ringing sound in one's ears. A pun was posted on Twitter by Graham Perry on October 25, 2009: "I called the tinnitus hotline but it just kept ringing."…
“I can do anything, as long as there’s a looming deadline and serious consequences”
"I can do anything, as long as there’s a looming deadline and serious consequences" is a saying that has been printed on several images. The saying was posted on X/Twitter by Artform on…
“I can either work well with others or pass a drug test. But not both”
"Sorry, boss... You can either expect me to work well with others or pass a drug test. It can't be both" (or "I can either work well with others or pass a drug test. But not…
“I can get it for you wholesale”
I Can Get It for You Wholesale is the title of a 1937 novel by Jerome Weidman (1913-1998) about New York City's garment industry. The book was loosely adapted into a 1951 film starring Susan…
“I can hear Monday morning already whispering ‘Go fuck yourself’ into my ear”
"I can hear Monday morning already whispering 'Go fuck yourself' into my ear" is a jocular Monday work saying that has been printed on many images. "I can already hear…
“I can please only one person per day; today is not your day; tomorrow’s not looking good either”
A popular office saying is "I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either." The saying is often attributed to the Dilbert comic…
“I can tell if people are judgemental just by looking at them”
"I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.…
“I can tell if people are judgmental just by looking at them”
"I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.…
“I can tell people are judgemental just by looking at them”
"I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.…
“I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them”
"I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.…
“I can’t believe I’ve been arrested for shoplifting. The cashier TOLD me to swipe the cardigan!”
"Swipe the cardigan" sounds like "swipe the (credit) card again." "I tried buying a buttoned sweater, but my payment was declined so I had to swipe the cardigan" was…
“I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up or are living the fullest”
"I can't decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was…
“I can’t stand people who blame everyone else for their problems. I’d be successful and happy by now if it wasn’t for them”
"I can't stand people who blame everyone else for their problems. I'd be successful and happy by now if it wasn't for them" is a jocular saying that was posted on X/Twitter…