“Boss, can I have a week off around Christmas?” (joke)
A workplace joke was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on May 14, 2019: "Boss, can I have a week off around Christmas?"Boss: It’s May."Sorry. May I have a week off around…
“Boss: ‘You missed work yesterday, didn’t you?’ Me: ‘Not particularly.’”
A pun about "missing" work is: BOSS: You missed work yesterday, didn't you?ME: Not particularly. "Foreman: 'You missed work yesterday, didn't you?' Pitman:…
“Boss: Why are you late?”/“Me: I got drunk last night and set my calculator to $5.30.”
"I’m late for work because I got drunk last night and set my calculator for $5.30" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Im Late For My studio session Because…
“Boss: Would you be able to pass a urine test? Me: No problem. Distance or accuracy?”
A "urine test" is a test of what's in the urine -- not how a person can produce urine. "At my last pee-in-cup urine test, I asked the doctor if he wanted me to emphasize…
“Boss: You should have been here at 8:30! Employee: Why, what happened at 8:30?”
An employment joke about a late employee is: Boss: You should have been here at 8:30!Employee: Why? What happened at 8:30? The joke was printed in many newspapers in 1935. 20 March 1935, San Diego…
“Boss: You were gone 7 hours to smoke? Me: It was a brisket.”
Some employees take smoking breaks -- usually for cigarette smoking. A joke was posted on Instagram by iamyarddad on October 26, 2023: "Boss: You were gone 7 hours to smoke? Me: It was a…
“Bosshole (noun): A person who turns into an asshole ten seconds after being made Supervisor”
"Bosshole" (boss + asshole) is a portmanteau word that has been printed on many images. "TO The Best Little Bosshole in Town! From Docs "R" us" was a Valentine's…
“Both X and SpaceX are moving to Texas and not ONE JOURNALIST went with the headline ‘All My Xes Live In Texas?’”
Businessman and investor Elon Musk announced in 2024 his intention of moving his companies X (formerly called Twitter) and SpaceX to Texas. "Excuse me -- both X and SpaceX are moving to Texas…
“Breaking News: With the current extreme cold temperatures, all Walmart customers are urged to wear two pairs of pajamas”
Many people shop at Walmart (a department store chain) wearing pajamas. "It's so cold that Walmart has recommended customers wear multiple layers of pajamas today" is a jocular…
“Bring ideas in and entertain them royally, for one of them may be the king”
American poet, writer and critic Mark Van Doren (1894-1982) was a professor of English at Columbia University for nearly 40 years, and taught many students who would later be famous writers. Van…
“Bring to the table” (to contribute something)
The expression "bring something to the table" possibly originated with people bringing food to the dinner table. During collective bargaining, both management and labor are said to…
“Bro, you want this pamphlet?”/“Brochure”
"The word "brochure" sounds like "bro, sure." A joke has been printed on many images: "Bro, you want this pamphlet?" "Brochure" The joke was posted on…
“Broken crayons still color”
"Broken crayons still color" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. The saying means that even imperfect people can contribute something. "Broken crayons…
“Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for a night…” (joke)
A popular proverb is: "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.” A joke variation is: "Build a man a fire and he'll be warm…
“Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs”
"Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs" is printed on many posters, with credit to American businessman Farrah Gray. "If you don't build your own…
“Bullets and fireworks are the only things that do their job after they are fired”
Who (or what) does a job after being fired? "Bullets are the only things that do their job only after they are fired" was posted on Reddit -- Shower Thoughts on July 31, 2015.…
“Bullets are the only things that do their job after they’re fired”
"Bullets are the only things that do their job only after they are fired." was posted on Reddit -- Showerthoughts on July 31, 2015. "What’s so special about bullets? They’re the…
“Busier than a one-armed paper hanger”
"Busier than a one-armed paper hanger" is one way to say that someone is very busy. "Our chef is kept as busy as a one-armed man engaged in the exercise of bean-bag" was printed…
“Busier than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest”
"Busier than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest" is one way to say that someone is very busy. "Busier than a one-legged man at a kicking contest" was cited in print in…
“Business conventions show how many people a company can operate without”
"Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without" is a jocular saying that has been included in many collections of humorous…