“What day comes after Black Friday?”/“Black Sabbath.”
"Black Friday" is the Friday following Thanksgiving, a traditional start of the Christmas shopping season. It's sometimes suggested that the following Saturday or Sunday should be…
“What did one painkiller say to the other?”/“You’re what I’m aspirin to be.”
"Aspiring" should not be confused with "aspirin," but there are jokes. "You see, I'm Aspirin' to become an agricultural tumour, sorry, a Farmer Cyst!" was…
“What did the light house keeper do when he lost his job?” (joke)
"Lighthouse work" is sometimes confused with "light housework." "That's 'light housework', not 'lighthouse work'. but I can see why you might get…
“What did the tired artist say?”/“I’m all drawn out.”
An artist riddle is: Q: What did the tired artist say?A: "I'm all drawn out." "What did the tired artist say? I'm drawn out" was posted on Twitter by "dad…
“What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?”/“Depreciation.”
An accountant riddle is: Q: What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?A: Depreciation. The joke was posted on the newsgroup uw.acct.acc131 on November 24, 1997. Google Groups:…
“What do they call employee of the month at the crematorium?”/“Top urner.”
"Earner" shouldn't be confused with "urner," but there are jokes. "Q: What's the name of the yearly prize given out to the world's most successful…
“What do whores and Walmart have in common?” (NSFW joke)
Walmart stores are often open 24 hours a day. "Sluts are like Walmart.Everybody makes fun of them,but at 4am when ur inside of 1,ur like 'I'm kinda glad these are around'(Joke…
“What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?”/“Branch Manager.”
There are several versions of the "branch manager" riddle. This was from 1982: Q: What do you call a man in a tree wearing a three-piece suit? A: A branch manager. This is from 1989: Q:…
“What do you call a calculator that works instantly?”/“Calcunow.”
"Calculator" is not "calcu-later," but some people have joked that they want a "calcunow." "A CalcuNow instead of a CalcuLater then?" was posted on Twitter…
“What do you call a cheap vampire?”/“Discount Dracula.”
Count Dracula (the title character of Bram Stoker's 1897 gothic horror novel Dracula) has nothing to do with discounts, but there are jokes. "The cheapest vampire? Dis-Count Dracula"…
“What do you call a coupon-using vampire?”/“Discount.”
Count Dracula (the title character of Bram Stoker's 1897 gothic horror novel Dracula) has nothing to do with discounts, but there are jokes. "The cheapest vampire? Dis-Count Dracula"…
“What do you call a dental X-ray?”/“A tooth-pic.”
A dentist riddle is: Q: What do you call a dental X-ray?A: A tooth-pic. The "tooth-pic" ("tooth picture" and "toothpick") joke was posted on Twitter by ChaissonLemoine…
“What do you call a doctor who is on call 24/7?”/“An oncologist.”
An "oncologist" is someone who treats cancer patients; the name sounds like "on-call-ogist." "Oncologist.................A Doctor who is always on call" was posted on…
“What do you call a fireman who lost his job?”/“A firedman.”
Is a fireman who lost his job a "firedman"? "I'm now a FireMan and hope not a fired man" was posted on Twitter on September 3, 2011. "Surely if a fireman gets sacked,…
“What do you call a ghost who runs his own business?”/“A hauntrepreneur.”
A "hauntrepreneur" (haunt + entrepreneur) is someone who makes a business creating scary things, such as a Halloween haunted house. "Hauntrepreneur" was cited in print in 1957,…
“What do you call a girl who works in a sunbed shop?”/“Tanya.”
The name "Tanya" sounds like "tan ya/you." A riddle has been cited in print since at least 2002: Q: What do you call the woman who operates your sun-bed?A: Tanya. "What do…
“What do you call a high-priced barber shop?”/“A clip joint.”
A barbershop riddle is: Q: What do you call a high-priced barber shop?A: A clip joint. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1976. Many barber shops have used the "Clip Joint"…
“What do you call a housekeeper who is an anti-vaxxer?”/“Mrs. Doubtpfizer.”
"Mrs. Doubtpfizer" was posted on Twitter by Matt Sullivan on December 20, 2020. The name is a portmanteau of Mrs. Doubtfire (a 1993 American comedy-drama film) and Prfizer (an American…
“What do you call a laundromat for pigs?”/“Hogwash.”
A pig riddle is: Q: What do you call a laundromat for pigs?A: Hogwash. The riddle has been cited in print since at least 2000. 2 April 2000, Toronto (ON) Star, "Funny Business" by Margot…
“What do you call a melancholy robot?”/“A sigh-borg.”
A robot riddle is: Q: What do you call a melancholy robot?A: A sigh-borg. "Sigh-borg" is a pun on cyborg."What do you call a melancholy robot? A sighborg" was posted on Twitter…