“Pretend to honk if you like mimes” (bumper sticker)
Entry in progress -- BP Twitterzeppy.io weird@zeppy_weird#Funny "pretend to honk if you like mimes" new bumper sticker, #clown, #weird dec,…
“Pretty excited. Our loan was approved. We’re closing on a full tank of gas this weekend”
Gas prices can be expensive, and a joke compares it to getting a bank mortgage for a house. "Pretty excited. Our loan was approved. We’re closing on a full tank of gas this weekend" was…
“Puns about monorails always make for decent one-liners”
A monorail pun is: "Puns about monorails always make for decent one-liners." The joke was posted on Twitter on October 6, 2010 and probably originated on the website Pun of the Day.…
“Put the fun between your legs” (cycling saying)
"Put some/something/the fun between your legs" is a cycling saying that has been printed on many images. "Put something fun between your legs" was printed in a 1972 newspaper,…
“Racing improves the breed”
"Racing improves the breed" is a popular adage of many kinds of racing. "That racing improves the breed of running horses, is not denied" was cited in print in 1835. Throughout…
“Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving”
"Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "frequent naps, such as while driving a car, will…
“Remember if your flight gets cancelled most airports have a secret fleet of backup planes…”
When airlines cancel flights, angry passengers often take their rage out on the customer service representative, who did not cause the problem. This sarcasm was posted on Twitter by Jeremy Khan on…
“Ride the Rapid” (Staten Island Rapid Transit)
"Ride the Rapid" appears to have been the slogan of Staten Island Rapid Transit in the 1950s, but I can't find evidence of it in the historical New York Times.…
“Ride your own ride” (motorcycle adage)
"Ride your own ride" is a popular motorcycle adage about riding in groups. Some group members are more experienced and can go faster than others, but one should always "ride your own…
“Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous. Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet…”
"Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous. Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet..." is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Folding a fitted sheet is a problem…
“Rotate my tires? I rotate them every time I drive!”
"Streaking" that originally aired on September 6, 1998. Wikipedia: Tire rotation Tire rotation is the practice of moving the wheels and tires of an automobile from one position to…
“Safe driving is no accident”
Entry in progress. -- B.P. Reddit -- OnelinersSafe driving is no accident (self.oneliners)submitted September 7, 2017 by YourInnerIdiot
“Saw a sign saying ‘Hidden Dip,’ went round the corner and crashed into a huge tub of guacamole”
"Hidden dip" is a road sign. This has nothing to do with "dipping sauce," but there are jokes. "Was driving the other day and saw a sign saying 'Hidden Dip', went…
“Science built skyscrapers and airplanes, but only faith can bring the two together”
Jokes about the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on New York City's World Trade Center are numerous, although not politically correct. One popular saying is: "Science built…
“Security at every level of an airport is absolutely ridiculous. Until you get to baggage claim…”
"Security at every level of an airport is absolutely ridiculous. Until you get to the baggage claim. Then it’s just like take whatever bag you want" was posted on Reddit --…
“Security at every level of the airport is insane until you get to the baggage claim…”
"Security at every level of an airport is absolutely ridiculous. Until you get to the baggage claim. Then it’s just like take whatever bag you want" was posted on Reddit --…
“Smoke tires, not drugs” (bumper sticker)
"Smoke tires, not drugs" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images, especially bumper stickers. The tires "smoke" by fast driving. "I favorited a YouTube…
“Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, ‘Be fruitful and multiply’”
New Yorkers have been known to curse. New York-born Woody Allen said in his standup comedy act (about 1964): "I don't know what else to tell you about myself, I was a writer and an actor,…
“Someone complimented my parking, leaving a note saying ‘Parking Fine’”
A popular parking joke is: "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, It said 'Parking Fine.' So that was…
“Sometimes I click the remote car door lock a second or third time for extra lockiness”
"Sometimes I think I’m reasonably intelligent, and sometimes I click the remote car door lock a second or third time for extra lockiness" is a jocular saying that has been printed on…