“If each day is a gift, I’d like to know where to return Mondays”
"If each day us a gift, I would like to know where I can return Mondays" is a jocular one-liner that has been printed on many images. "If each day is a gift, I'd like to know…
“If every day is a gift, then today was socks”
"If every day is a gift, then today was socks" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Socks" sounds like "sucks" and represents something…
“If heat rises, why is the North Pole so cold?”
"If heat rises to the top why is the north pole the coldest place on earth?" was posted on Twitter by Tiffany Janay. "If heat rises, why is the North Pole so cold?" was posted…
“If I had a DeLorean, I’d probably only drive it from time to time”
The DeLorean motor vehicle was used as a time machine in the three 1980s
“If I had a dollar for every time someone said not to look directly at the eclipse…”
People are often told not to look directly at a solar eclipse. After the August 21, 2017 solar eclipse, a jocular line was posted on Reddit -- Jokes: "If I had a dollar for every time someone…
“If I read one more corny Ides of March joke, I’m going to stab my best friend”
March 15th (the middle of the month) is called the Ides of March. Roman general and statesman Julius Caesar was assassinated on March 15, 44 B.C. "If I read one more corny ides of March joke,…
“If I’m up at midnight on New Year’s Eve, it’s because I have to pee”
Not everyone wants to stay up at midnight on New Year's Eve -- especially older people. This was posted on X/Twitter by Just Bill on December 30, 2018: "If I'm up at midnight on New…
“If it doesn’t snow, I’m taking these groceries back”
Many people stock up on food before a snow storm, but what if the storm never materializes? "If it don't snow like its suppose to I'm taking all these groceries back to Walmart"…
“If it don’t snow, I’m taking these groceries back”
Many people stock up on food before a snow storm, but what if the storm never materializes? "If it don't snow like its suppose to I'm taking all these groceries back to Walmart"…
“If it don’t snow, I’m returning all my groceries”
Many people stock up on food before a snow storm, but what if the storm never materializes? "If it don't snow like its suppose to I'm taking all these groceries back to Walmart"…
“If it gets any hotter, I’ll have to take off stuff I really ought to keep on”
"If it gets any hotter, I'll have to take off stuff I really ought to keep on" was printed in the yahoo! news article "Things Southerners Say When It's Hot" by Valerie…
“If it weren’t for Spring Forward and Fall Back, I’d never get any exercise at all”
"Spring Forward, Fall Back" is how people set clocks, but there is a joke: "If it weren't for Spring Forward and Fall Back, I'd never get any exercise at all."…
“If kisses were snowflakes, I’d send you a blizzard”
"If kisses were snowflakes, I'd send you a blizzard" is a romantic winter saying that has been printed on many images. "If kisses were snowflakes, I'd send you an…
“If Monday were shoes, they’d be Crocs”
"If Monday(s) were shoes, they'd be Crocs" is a Monday saying that has been printed on many images. Crocs is a brand of American footwear that is often ridiculed. "'If days…
“If Mondays were shoes, they’d be Crocs”
"If Monday(s) were shoes, they'd be Crocs" is a Monday saying that has been printed on many images. Crocs is a brand of American footwear that is often ridiculed. "'If days…
“If money really did grow on trees, everyone’s favorite season would be fall”
"Money doesn't grow on trees" is an old American proverb. American humorist Robert Orben wrote a variation in his book 2400 Jokes to Brighten Your Speeches (1984): "Lazy? If…
“If roosters can start the day by screaming then damn it, so can I”
"If roosters can start the/their day by screaming, then (damn it) so can I" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If a rooster can start the day screaming then so can…
“If roosters can start their day by screaming, then so can I”
"If roosters can start the/their day by screaming, then (damn it) so can I" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If a rooster can start the day screaming then so can…
“If snow is made of water and water has no calories, how come snowmen are fat?”
"If snow is made of water and water has no calories, how come snowmen are fat?" is a jocular winter question. The one-liner was posted on Twitter by FunnyOneLiners on December 13,…
“If the weather can’t be nice for more than 2 days in a row, then neither can I”
"If the weather can't be nice for more than 2/two days in a row, then neither can I" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Bad weather often causes a bad attitude…