“I won my first cage fight last night. That parrot didn’t know what hit it”
"Cage fighting" doesn't involve bird cages, but there are jokes. "Won my first cage fight earlier today.... Fucking budgie never knew what hit it...." was posted on Twitter…
“I wonder why there are no women transitioning to men so that they can compete in men’s sports”
Men sometimes transition to women to participate in women's athletics, but few women transition to men to participate in men's athletics. "I wonder why there are no women…
“I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger, and then it hit me”
"I wondered why the baseball/frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me" is a popular Internet joke of unknown authorship. "I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then…
“I would definitely watch golf if land mines were involved”
"I would definitely watch golf if land mines were involved" ( or "I could actually watch golf on TV if land mines were involved") is a saying that has been printed on several…
“I’d rather be lucky than good”
"I'd rather be lucky than good" is a popular sports saying. "It is better to be born lucky than good-looking" is a somewhat similar saying that was popular in the late 19th…
“I’m having trouble organizing a Hide and Seek league. Good players are hard to find”
"I'm having trouble organizing a Hide and Seek league. Good players are hard to find" is a joke that was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on November 4, 2015. "I’ve been trying to…
“I’m no scientist, but has anyone tried killing the rona with the bowling alley shoe spray yet?”
Many people wanted to know during the 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic: just how effective is bowling alley shoe spray? "Have we tried fighting the corona with bowling alley shoe spray" was…
“I’m not a big fan of archery. It has too many drawbacks”
"I'm not a big fan of archery. It has too many drawbacks" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. The joke originated on the website Pun of the Day on June 13,…
“I’m not really interested in tobogganing, but I would probably do it if pushed”
"Push" often means to strongly suggest or direct, but sometimes it involves actual pushing. "I'm not really interested in tobogganing, but I would probably do it if pushed.…
“I’m not the manager because I’m always right, but I’m always right because I’m the manager”
California Angels manager Gene Mauch (1925-2005) said in 1985, "I'm not the manager because I'm always right, but I'm always right because I'm the manager." The…
“I’m really looking forward to the Autumn Olympics, particularly the Men’s Raking”
There are Summer Olympic Games and Winter Olympic Games, but nothing for autumn. Many people have suggested events (jokingly) that could be in an Autumn Olympics, such as bobbing for apples,…
“I’m so bad at chess the only way I’ll get to say ‘checkmate’ is at an Australian restaurant”
There's a difference between "Checkmate!" (said at the end of a game of chess) and "Check/cheque, mate!" (said at the end of a restaurant meal in Australia), but it's…
“I’m so old, I can remember playing solitaire with an actual deck of cards”
"I'm so old, I can remember playing solitaire with an actual deck of cards" is a saying that has been printed on several images. Many -- perhaps most -- people now play solitaire on…
“I’m the straw that stirs the drink” (Reggie Jackson)
New York Yankee baseball player Reggie Jackson's comments in Sport magazine from May 1977 angered other Yankees, such as catcher Thurman Munson. Jackson was quoted as saying: "it all…
“I’ve got a job as part of a human chess board. I’m on knights this week”
People on a human chess board work as kings, queens, bishops, knights, rooks and pawns. A joke was posted on Twitter on September 8, 2014: "I've just started work as a human chess…
“I’ve heard all of the bowling jokes there are, so please spare me”
Several bowling puns use the expression "spare me." "Want to hear a joke about bowling? Spare me" was posted on Facebook by Jim Abbas on February 28, 2012. "Please, spare…
“I’ve just booked a table for Valentine’s Day. I hope she likes pool”
Valentine's Day tables -- at restaurants -- usually have to be booked in advance. A Valentines Day joke about "booking a table" has been printed on several images. "Ive booked a…
“I’m allergic to writing about fencing, so I’ll have to use my épée pen”
An épée has nothing to do with an EpiPen, but there are jokes. "or where he keeps his fencing equipment: The epee pen" was posted on Twitter by Kenneth Baer on September 19, 2016.…
“I’m convinced that leaning forward while playing video games substantially improves performance”
Does leaning forward help make a better video game player? "I am 100% convinced that leaning forward while playing video games substantially improves overall performance. /via @nessie111-works…
“I’m just saying if they’re gonna call it pickleball they should have to play it in a vat of brine”
The game of "pickleball" isn't played with pickles, but there are jokes. "The name of the game is certainly odd — there are no cucumbers soaked in brine and vinegar involved…