“I eat hummus when I don’t know the words”
"Hummus" can sound like the words "hum us," so there are jokes. "Dad: Hey April do you like hummus? Me: Yes I do. Dad: That's because you don't know the…
“I eat my peas with honey; I’ve done it all my life…” (poem)
A frequently reprinted poem (attributed to "Anonymous") about food is: "I eat my peas with honey; I've done it all my life. It makes the peas taste funny, But it keeps them on…
“I eat salad every day. Bean salad…Coffee bean salad…Coffee. I drink coffee every day”
A joke has been printed on several images: "I eat salad every day.Bean salad.Coffee bean salad.Coffee.I drink coffee every day." The "I eat salad" joke was posted on Twitter on…
“I eat salads in front of my plants to assert dominance”
Entry in progress -- BP X/Twitter KiwiCairo @KiwiCairo "I eat salads in front of my house plants to remind them who's boss." -unknown #quotes 7:00 AM · Dec 22, 2012 X/Twitter…
“I eat tacos over a tortilla so when stuff falls out, BOOM!, another taco”
"I eat tacos over a tortilla so when stuff falls out, BOOM!, another taco" is a jocular line that has been printed on ecards. "Hey everyone, start eating tacos over a tortilla so…
“I eat the broken cookies first because I feel bad for them”
"I eat the broken cookies first because I feel bad for them" is a one-line saying about broken cookies that has been printed on several images. The saying was posted on Twitter on May 19,…
“I eat the same Indian bread as everyone else. I’m a naan conformist”
"Naan" sounds like "non" and has been used in several "naan conformist" puns. "One of said friends was pigging out on the Indian bread, so I immediately accused…
“I either drink coffee or I say bad words to strangers”
"I either drink coffee or I say bad words. Just kidding, I do both" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I either drink COFFEE or say bad words to strangers" was…
“I either drink coffee or I say bad words. Just kidding, I do both”
"I either drink coffee or I say bad words. Just kidding, I do both" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I either drink COFFEE or say bad words to strangers" was…
“I either drink coffee or say bad words to everyone”
"I either drink coffee or I say bad words. Just kidding, I do both" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I either drink COFFEE or say bad words to strangers" was…
“I endorse podiums. That’s a product I can stand behind!”
Several jokes state that a podium is a product that a salesman can stand behind. However, you stand on a podium, and you stand behind a lectern. "It must really suck to be a podium salesman.…
“I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my sarcasm”
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many…
“I enjoy coffee on special occasions. Like ‘being alive’ and ‘existing’”
"I enjoy coffee on special occasions. Like 'being alive' and 'existing'" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The speaker clearly enjoys coffee,…
“I enjoy long romantic walks in Costco”
Entry in progress -- BP Wikipedia: CostcoCostco Wholesale Corporation (doing business as Costco Wholesale and also known simply as Costco) is an American multinational corporation which operates a…
“I enjoy long, romantic walks…to the fridge”
"I enjoy long, romantic walks...to the fridge" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters, T-shirts and coffee mugs. "I like long walks to the…
“I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I’m not very good at it”
"I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it" is a funny one-liner. Scottish Jewish comedian Arnold Brown said it at the Edinburgh Festival…
“I entered a competition and won a year’s supply of Marmite—one jar”
Marmite is something that many people don’t use a lot of. "But I'm in a great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one…
“I entered a dad joke competition and won $1000. It was a grand dad joke”
The sum of $1,000 is a "grand." There is a "dad joke" -- or rather a "grand dad joke" -- about this. "I was paid $1000 for this joke. It was a grand dad…
“I entered a kleptomania competition. I got gold, silver and bronze”
"I entered a kleptomania competition. I got gold, silver and bronze" was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on May 28, 2019, and again on Reddit -- Dadjokes on June 21, 2019. "I once…
“I entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house”
A joke about a fitness app was posted on Twitter by Mikey on October 12, 2015: "Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house." The one-line…