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May 2, 2018
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“I accidentally said hello to a feminist the other day. The court trial starts tomorrow”

A joke about feminists overreacting to things has been printed on several images: "I accidentally said hello to a feminist the other day. The court trial starts tomorrow." "I once…

September 10, 2017
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“I accidentally sent my friend flowers over the internet. Whoops, E-Daisies”

A joke on the word "whoopsy-daisy" is: "I accidentally sent my friend flowers over the internet. Whoops, E-Daisies." The one-liner was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on September 9,…

July 1, 2015
Food/Drink

“I accidentally swallowed some food coloring and dyed a little inside”

A popular pun is told about food coloring: "Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside." The joke…

June 3, 2016
Sports/Games

“I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble pieces” (joke)

Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: ScrabbleScrabble is a word game in which two to four players score points by placing tiles bearing a single letter onto a board divided into a 15×15 grid of…

March 31, 2025
Food/Drink

“I accidentally typed, ‘That costs an arm and an egg!’ and left it instead of fixing it because that actually makes just as much sense”

Entry in progress -- BP Wiktionary: an arm and a leg Noun an arm and a leg (plural arms and legs) 1. (idiomatic, hyperbolic) Usually used after the verb cost, but also often charge, pay, and spend:…

September 15, 2024
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“I act pretty tough for someone who lives in constant fear of ceiling fan blade flying off”

Many people go to sleep with a fear that the ceiling fan will fly off and hit them. "I act pretty tough for someone who lives in constant fear of ceiling fan blade flying off" was posted…

December 6, 2017
Food/Drink

“I actually have a lot of jokes about potatoes, I just don’t know where to starch”

Potatoes contain starch. "I would tell a joke about potatoes, but i don't know where to starch!" -- a pun on "where to start" -- was posted on Twitter by PUNS on October…

December 20, 2019
Transportation

“I actually like driving alone because I can listen to the same song 27 times in a row”

"I actually like driving alone because I can listen to the same song 27 times in a row without anyone stopping me" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I like…

February 1, 2023
Food/Drink

“I added some Friday to your coffee. You’re welcome”

"I added some Friday to your coffee. You're welcome" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Coffee in the morning often motivates one to get through the day's work,…

March 15, 2026
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I agree sex is great, but have you ever tried grocery shopping without kids?”

Shopping without kids is a rare "guilty pleasure" for some parents. "Yes sex is great! But have you tried grocery shopping with no kids?? 😂😂" was posted on Facebook by…

June 20, 2024
Banking/Finance/InsuranceWork/Businesses

“I ain’t rich but I get off my ass everyday to make sure I ain’t broke”

"I ain't rich but I get off my ass everyday to make sure I ain't broke" (or "I ain't rich but I get off my ass everyday to make sure I'm not broke") is a…

June 20, 2024
Banking/Finance/InsuranceWork/Businesses

“I ain’t rich but I get off my ass everyday to make sure I’m not broke”

"I ain't rich but I get off my ass everyday to make sure I ain't broke" (or "I ain't rich but I get off my ass everyday to make sure I'm not broke") is a…

September 18, 2020
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“I almost caught COVID yesterday, but I quickly stood on a social distancing sticker”

The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in many stores having social distancing stickers where customers can stand at a distance from each other. The joke is that a person is safe standing on a…

August 1, 2021
Food/Drink

“I almost had an ‘I need a guy’ moment, but then I was able to get the vodka open”

"I almost had an 'I need a guy' moment, but then I was able to get the vodka/wine open" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying probably originated…

August 1, 2021
Food/Drink

“I almost had an ‘I need a guy’ moment, but then I was able to get the wine open”

"I almost had an 'I need a guy' moment, but then I was able to get the vodka/wine open" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying probably originated…

February 15, 2025
Food/Drink

“I always call the second half of a sandwich I eat the ‘b side’”

A sandwich is often cut in half, and people have several feelings about the second half of the sandwich. "The Second half of a sandwich is always the best piece" was posted on X/Twitter…

October 28, 2024
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“I always double-check our garage door is closed at night. I don’t want someone stealing all the stuff we’ve been trying to get rid of for years”

Many people keep junk in the garage. This was posted on X/Twitter by McDad on July 28, 2022: "I always double-check our garage door is closed at night. I don’t want someone stealing all the…

October 2, 2025
Food/Drink

“I always feel like I just passed my ‘Best If Used By’ date”

"I think I’m approaching my 'Best If Used By' date" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. A "Best If Used By" date usually applies to foods, not…

April 6, 2018
Food/Drink

“I always get pickle and chutney mixed up. It makes me chuckle”

If you combine pickle and chutney, do you get the portmanteau word "chuckle"? "Morrison's dilemma of the Day: What's the difference between chutney and pickle? And if you…

August 11, 2012
Work/Businesses

“I always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday”

"I always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday" is a popular saying on many gift items, such as T-shirts and posters. The daily percentages…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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