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October 25, 2021
Food/Drink

“How to enjoy pumpkin beer. Step 1: Throw it in the trash”

"How to enjoy pumpkin beer. Step 1: Throw it in the trash" is a jocular saying that has been shown on an image. The image was posted on Imgur on August 26, 2015. ImgurWith Fall beer…

July 30, 2018
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“How to fall down stairs” (a step-by-step guide)

"spoken-not-written: how to fall down the stairs: a step by step guide by me. http://tmblr.co/Z26_txpZCtlO" was posted on Twitter on July 13, 2013. When people fall down the stairs, they…

December 8, 2008
Banking/Finance/Insurance

“How to make a small fortune on Wall Street” (start with a large one)

Question: How do you make a small fortune on Wall Street?Answer; Start with a large one! This old joke is of unknown origin, but it dates at least to the 1950s. While it's been used to refer…

November 16, 2013
Food/Drink

“How to make holy water—boil the hell out of it”

An old joke is still told about how to make holy water: Q: How do you make holy water?A: You boil the hell out of it! The joke has been cited in print since at least 1942. It's not known who…

December 2, 2022
Time/Weather

“How to say I hate you in a nice way? ‘You are the Monday of my life’”

Many people hate Mondays. "How to say I hate you in a nice way? 'You are the Monday of my life'" and "Don't tell anyone 'I hate you' directly. Say 'You…

July 21, 2017
Education/Schools

“How to sleep faster: Decorate your bedroom to look like a classroom”

"How to sleep faster: Decorate your bedroom to look like a classroom" -- implying that people fall asleep in class -- is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I wish that I…

November 13, 2020
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“How to start an argument online: 1. Express an opinion. 2. Wait”

"How to start an argument online: 1. Express an opinion. 2. Wait" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The meme was started in 2011, by sources that do not appear to…

November 13, 2020
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“How to start an argument online: 1. Say something. 2. That’s about it”

"How to start an argument online: 1. Express an opinion. 2. Wait" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The meme was started in 2011, by sources that do not appear to…

June 2, 2020
Food/Drink

“How to stop eating during quarantine: Put on your swimsuit instead of your pajamas”

The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in quarantines, and many people stayed at home and ate a lot. "How to STOP EATING during Quarantine!!! Put on your swimsuit instead of your Pajamas.…

May 29, 2016
Food/Drink

“How to tell if an orange likes to party?”/“Just Invitamin-C.”

"How to tell if an orange likes to party. Just Invitamin-C" (invite 'em 'n' see) was posted on Reddit on May 29, 2016. The joke quickly became popular. redditHow to tell if…

December 6, 2017
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“How to tie the strongest knot ever: 1) put some headphones in your pocket 2) wait one minute”

Headphones often become tangled. A joke was posted on Twitter by "sweaty five dollars‏" on April 7, 2013: "How to tie the strongest knot ever: 1) put some headphones in your pocket…

March 23, 2022
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“How to vent on Facebook. Step 1: Don’t. We are all depressed, broke and fat… not just you”

"How to vent on Facebook. Step 1: Don't. We are all either depressed, divorced, broke or fat. It's not just you" is a jocular saying about social media that has been printed on…

March 23, 2022
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“How to vent on Facebook. Step 1: Don’t. We are all either depressed, divorced, broke or fat”

"How to vent on Facebook. Step 1: Don't. We are all either depressed, divorced, broke or fat. It's not just you" is a jocular saying about social media that has been printed on…

March 23, 2022
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“How to vent on social media. Step 1: Don’t. We are all either depressed, divorced, broke or fat”

"How to vent on Facebook. Step 1: Don't. We are all either depressed, divorced, broke or fat. It's not just you" is a jocular saying about social media that has been printed on…

March 23, 2022
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“How to vent on Twitter. Step 1: Don’t. We are all either depressed, divorced, broke or fat”

"How to vent on Facebook. Step 1: Don't. We are all either depressed, divorced, broke or fat. It's not just you" is a jocular saying about social media that has been printed on…

July 13, 2018
Food/Drink

“How was the hamburger murdered?”/“First it was ‘rolled,’ then smothered in onions.”

A hamburger riddle is: Q: How was the hamburger murdered? A: First it was "rolled," then smothered in onions. The joke was printed in the book 101 Hamburger Jokes: Meaty Jokes to be…

June 9, 2013
Transportation

“How’s my driving?” (bumper sticker)

Bumper stickers on many trucks state "How's My Driving?" and then give a phone number for other motorists to call and report poor drivers. "How's my driving" bumper…

August 24, 2013
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“How’s my running? Call 1-800-EAT-DUST”

"How's my running? Call 1-800-EAT-DUST" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts (on the back) and bumper stickers. "How's my…

April 13, 2023
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“How’s the Italian food in this restaurant?”/“Good. Try the veal. It’s the best in the city.”

"Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, you've been a wonderful audience. I'll be here all week. Try the veal. And don't forget to tip your servers" is a classic line that a…

October 2, 2016
Time/Weather

“How’s the New Year going?”/“Shofar, so good.”

The shofar (ram's horn) is sounded on Rosh Hashanah (the start of the Jewish New Year) and on Yom Kippur (the end of the Jewish New Year). "Shofar" sounds like "so far,"…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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