“How much did Santa’s sleigh cost?”/“Nothing, it was on the house.”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: How much did Santa's sleigh cost?A: Nothing, it was on the house. "On the house" means "free." The joke was posted on Twitter on December 3, 2011,…
“How much dip would a dipshit shit if a dipshit could shit dip?”
"How much dip would a dipshit shit if a dipshit could shit dip?" (or "How much shit could a dipshit dip if a dipshit could dip shit?") is a jocular line that has been printed on…
“How much do s’mores weigh?”/“At least a couple grahams.”
"Grams" shouldn't be confused with "grahams," but there's a riddle: Q: How much do s'mores weigh?A: At least a couple grahams. The pun was posted on Reddit --…
“How much do you spend on a bottle of wine?”/“About 15 minutes.”
"How much do/should you spend on a bottle of wine?"/"About 30 minutes" -- the question probably referred to money, not time -- is a joke that has been printed on many images.…
“How much do you spend on a bottle of wine?”/“About half an hour.”
"How much do/should you spend on a bottle of wine?"/"About 30 minutes" -- the question probably referred to money, not time -- is a joke that has been printed on many images.…
“How much does a bikini wax cost?”/“A Brazilian dollars.”
"Brazilian" (from Brazil) sounds like a large number (billion + gazillion). Several "Brazilian dollars" jokes involve Brazilian waxing, a bikini waxing style invented by the J.…
“How much does a bottled soft drink cost?”/“About a dollar a pop, soda speak.”
"Soda speak" is a jocular version of "so to speak" and was entered into the Urban Dictionary on May 8, 2013. A riddle was posted on Reddit -- Dad Jokes on June 16, 2017: Q: How…
“How much does a dumpling weigh?”/“Wonton.”
A “wonton” dumpling sounds like “one ton,” and there’s a riddle: Q: How much does a dumpling weigh?A: Won-ton. "How much does a cubic meter of oriental soup weigh? (...) It weighs…
“How much does a hipster weigh?”/“An Instagram.”
A viral joke about Instagram is: Q: How much does a hipster weigh?A: An Instagram. The joke was cited on Twitter on May 22, 2012. Wikipedia: Instagramnstagram is an online mobile photo-sharing,…
“How much does a pirate pay for corn?”/“A buccaneer.”
"Buccaneer" sounds like "buck an ear," leading to the joke: Q: How much does a pirate pay for corn?A: A buccaneer. "Buccaneer is too much to pay for corn" was cited in…
“How much does a rainbow weigh?”/“Not much, they’re actually pretty light.”
A rainbow riddle is: Q: How much does a rainbow weigh?A: Not much, they're actually pretty light. "How much does a rainbow weigh?... Hardly anything. They're pretty light!" was…
“How much does it cost to get married?” (joke)
How much does it cost to get married? A marriage license costs a small amount, but there are other costs. This joke was popularized in the Philadelphia (PA) Record in 1909: "How much does it…
“How much flu would a flu shot stop if a flu shot could stop flu?”
"How much flu would a flu shot stop if a flu shot could stop flu?" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The "flu" version is a variation on the famous…
“How much of the cake did the sword want?”/“Just a slice.”
A cake riddle is: Q: How much of the cake did the sword want?A: Just a slice. The riddle was posted on Twitter by Sagittarius on November 1, 2017. TwitterSagittarius@Otoya808@dadtellsjokes How much…
“How much should you spend on a bottle of wine?”/“About 30 minutes.”
"How much do/should you spend on a bottle of wine?"/"About 30 minutes" -- the question probably referred to money, not time -- is a joke that has been printed on many images.…
“How much space do fungi need to grow?”/“As mushroom as possible.”
A mushroom pun has been printed on several images: Q: How much space do fungi need to grow?A: As mushroom as possible. "How much room is needed for fungi to grow? As mushroom as possible"…
“How much to buy a singing ensemble?” (choir joke)
"A choir" sounds like the word "acquire." A joke was posted on Twitter by Terry F on February 27, 2018: ME: How much to buy a singing ensemble?PRODUCER: You mean a choir?ME:…
“How much turd do you put into a turducken?”
A "turducken" is a portmanteau food name after its ingredients -- turkey, duck and chicken. There is no "turd" in "turducken," but there are jokes. Wikipedia:…
“How much weed am I supposed to put in this chicken pot pie?”
There usually is no weed ("pot") in a chicken pot pie, but there are jokes. "How much weed am I supposed to put in this chicken pot pie?" was posted on Twitter by steve…
“How often do planes crash?”/“Just once.”
An airplane riddle is often given as a passenger question to a flight attendant: Q (passenger): How often does a plane crash?A (flight attendant): Only once. Or: Q (passenger): How often do planes…