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November 23, 2021
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“How can you tell if a guy singing karaoke is a plumber?”/“By how he uses his fauceto.”

"Falsetto" has nothing to do with a faucet, but there are some jokes. "Plumbers sing in a faucetto" was posted on Twitter by Mike H on May 3, 2011. "2nd #PUN FOR THE DAY:…

July 15, 2020
Food/Drink

“How can you tell if a rice cake is stale?”

Many people think that a rice cake tastes like styrofoam. "Eating a stale rice cake... or is it? How can you tell?" was posted on Twitter by Travis Spencer on March 19, 2008. "How,…

September 12, 2017
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?”/“The bow is moving.”

A riddle about a string instrument (such as a violin or a viola) is: Q: How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?A: The bow is moving. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1992.…

March 11, 2017
Holidays/Events/Parades

“How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?”/“He’s Dublin over with laughter!”

A popular St. Patrick's Day riddle is: Q: How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?A: He's Dublin (doubling) over with laughter! The joke has been cited in print since at…

June 3, 2022
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree?”/“By the bark.”

Dogs bark. Trees have bark. An old joke is told about the flowering dogwood tree. "Dog-wood, says the New York Star, may readily be distinguished by its peculiar bark" was printed in the…

March 22, 2021
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“How can you tell the truth is being told? Facebook blocks it, Twitter deletes it…”

"How can you tell the truth is being told? Well, when Facebook blocks it, Twitter deletes it, Google hides it, Youtube bans it, The Media censor it, And your Government forbids it" (or…

February 25, 2023
Time/Weather

“How can you tell time if clocks don’t have ears?”

When you "tell time" you're not speaking to time, but there are jokes. "How do I tell time when clocks have no ears?" was posted on Reddit -- Shittyaskscience on March 7,…

July 26, 2015
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“How can you tell when a lawyer is well hung” (lawyer joke)

A popular women's joke about men is: Q: How can you tell when a man is well-hung?A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose. The joke has been cited in…

June 13, 2009
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“How can you tell when a politician is lying? His lips are moving!”

"How can you tell when a politician is lying?" is the start of an old joke. The answer: "His lips are moving." "How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?" is the most…

September 14, 2017
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“How can you tell when a tenor is really stupid?”/“When the other tenors notice.”

A tenor riddle is: Q: How can you tell when a tenor is really stupid?A: When the other tenors notice. The tenor joke was posted on the newsgroup rec.music.classical on May 5, 1993. Wikipedia:…

October 7, 2016
Work/Businesses

“How can you tell when an engineer is an extrovert?”/“He stares at YOUR shoes when he talks to you.”

A popular joke told about engineers (and actuaries and probably many other professions) is: Q: How can you tell when an engineer is an extrovert?A: He stares at your shoes when he talks to you. The…

December 6, 2019
Work/Businesses

“How can you tell which one of your friends got a good Black Friday deal?” (joke)

One shopping aspect about "Black Friday" is people constantly talking about the deals that they found. A riddle is: Q: How can you tell which one of your friends got a good Black Friday…

November 29, 2021
Banking/Finance/Insurance

“How can you tell who owns bitcoin at a party?”/“Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.”

“How do you know if someone is a vegan?"/"Don’t worry, they’ll tell you" is a classic joke. There is a version for bitcoin. "How do you know when someone is a Bitcoin…

October 26, 2015
Food/Drink

“How come ‘you’re a peach’ is a compliment but ‘you’re bananas’ is an insult?”

"How come 'you're a peach' is a compliment but 'you're bananas' is an insult?" That's a good question. Peaches are soft and fuzzy. A woman might have a…

September 4, 2022
Work/Businesses

“How come 8 hours at home take 20 mins, but 8 hours at work take 6 days”

"How come 8 hours at home take 20 minutes, but 8 hours at work take 6 days?" was posted on Twitter by JR🏋🏾‍♂️😈💪🏾 on March 12, 2020. "How come 8 hours at home…

June 6, 2013
Food/Drink

“How come alcohol never kills brain cells that make me want to drink?”

“How come if alcohol kills millions of brain cells, it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?” ~Anonymous" has been cited in print since at least September 2007 and has been…

May 23, 2019
Work/Businesses

“How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?”

"How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. American humorist Erma Bombeck (1927-1996) asked the question in her…

November 26, 2024
Buildings/Housing/ParksWork/Businesses

“How come bills never go on sale? Like rent 25% off or pay 2 electricity bills and get the next one free”

"Why bills never go on sale? Like rent 50% off or buy 1 light bill and get the gas bill free" and "How come bills never go on sale? Like rent 25% off or pay 2 electricity bills and…

July 16, 2016
Food/Drink

“How come if ants are always so busy they always get time to show up at picnics?”

Ants always seem to be working, and there's a joke: "How come if ants are always so busy they always get time to show up at picnics?" The joke has been cited in print since at least…

March 17, 2020
Food/Drink

“How come liquor stores don’t have empty shelves? People are about to be quarantined with spouses”

The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak saw people panic buying items such as water and toilet paper. "Why don’t liquor stores have empty shelves?? Do people not realize they’re about to be…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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