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May 23, 2019
Workers/People

“A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be”

"A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be" is a saying that has been printed on many images. “A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a…

February 25, 2020
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“A female janitor asked if I’d do some weed with her. I can’t deal with high maintenance women”

The term "high maintenance" usually has nothing to do with janitors, but there are jokes. "The janitor lady for my apartment building asked me out on a date & said she had some…

May 10, 2015
Transportation

“A ferry is the poor man’s cruise ship”

A ferry is cheaper than a cruise ship. "A ferry is the poor man's cruise ship" has been said often, usually to describe either the Staten Island Ferry or the Alaska Marine Highway…

January 24, 2025
Food/Drink

“A few dozen cupcakes tripped and fell into my mouth against my will”

People don't intentionally eat fattening foods -- the foods just trip and fall into their mouths. This is, of course, a joke. "I'm pretty sure my tummy just warned me not to eat…

July 1, 2020
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“A figure of speech literally walks into a bar…” (bar joke)

"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A figure of speech version is: "A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends…

March 6, 2016
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“A file folder walks into a bar…” (bar joke)

"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." One version is: "A file folder walks into a bar, orders a drink and says,…

November 14, 2015
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“A filibuster is a long speech about nothing by an authority on the subject”

"A filibuster is a long speech about nothing by an authority on the subject" is a jocular definition of the filibuster. The definition was given in the "Comic Dictionary"…

February 6, 2012
Banking/Finance/Insurance

“A financier is a pawnbroker with imagination”

"A financier is a pawnbroker with imagination" is credited to the playwright Arthur Wing Pinero (1855-1934). This is slightly incorrect. In Pinero's play, Iris (1901), one character…

December 6, 2010
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“A fine is a tax for doing wrong; a tax is a fine for doing okay”

A popular anti-tax saying (showing how taxes penalize success) is: "A fine is a tax you have to pay for doing wrong. A tax is a fine you have to pay for doing okay." The saying has been…

October 29, 2017
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“A fingerprint sensor on your phone is a one-digit password”

Passwords are often four, six or eight digits long. A "digit" pun was posted on Reddit -- Shower Thoughts on October 29, 2017: "A fingerprint sensor on your phone is a one-digit…

March 13, 2016
Streets

“A fire hydrant has H2O on the inside and K9P on the outside”

"A fire hydrant has H2O (water) on the inside and K9P (canine pee) on the outside" is a joke that has been printed in several joke books. "If you find H20 inside a fire hydrant, what…

December 15, 2019
Education/Schools

“A fireman runs into a school clutching a screwdriver and shouts, ‘This is not a drill!’”

A "drill" (an exercise, such as a fire drill) should not be confused with a "drill" (a tool primarily used for making round holes or driving fasteners), but there are jokes.…

December 25, 2017
Work/Businesses

“A fish in sea” (“efficiency” pun)

"A fish in sea" sounds like the word "efficiency." There have been several puns and riddles. "Efficiency (A Fish In Sea), a film about a man's preoccupation with…

January 7, 2016
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“A fish walks into a bar…” (bar joke)

"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A fish version is: "A fish walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'What do you…

June 25, 2013
Sports/Games

“A fisherman is a jerk on one end of the line waiting for a jerk on the other”

"A fisherman is a jerk on one end of the line waiting for a jerk on the other" is an old joke that is frequently told about fishing. The joke has been cited in print since at least April…

May 13, 2017
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“A fisherman walks into a bar…” (bar joke)

"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A popular version involving a horse is: “A horse walks into a bar and the barman says,…

February 24, 2016
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“A five-dollar bill walks into a bar…” (bar joke)

"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." One version involving paper money is: "A five-dollar bill walks into a bar. Bartender…

May 19, 2024
Food/Drink

“A fleet of gravy boats is a gravy navy”

Gravy boats (sauce boats) are not boats that sail on water, but there are jokes. "If you had enough gravy boats would you have a gravy navy?" was posted on X/Twitter by John…

June 27, 2023
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“A food court implies the existence of food crime, and a food judicial system”

Food courts are not like courts of law, or a king's court, but there are jokes. "I feel food courts should have food lawyers and food judges" was posted on Twitter by aravind murali…

December 29, 2022
Food/Drink

“A food system dependent on chemicals is not a food system, it’s a chemical system”

"A food system dependent on chemicals is not a food system, it's a chemical system" is a food saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on an image on…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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