“A guy walks into a bar with an octopus…” (bar joke)
“A guy walks into a bar…” is a typical form of what has been called the “bar joke.” “A guy walks into a bar with an octopus…” is a popular off-color bar joke that has been cited in print since at least 1997.
Google Groups: alt.humor.puns
Animal in Bar jokes?
Robert A. Trotter
2/23/97
A man walks into a bar, carrying an octopus under his arm.
He sets it down on the bar and challenges all comers: “Bring me any kind of musical instrument and my octopus will play it for fifty bucks - if he can’t I’ll buy drinks all around”.
A fellow brings an accordion. The octopus slithers over, crawls all over it, gets the feel of the keys and buttons and soon starts playing it.
Another man brings a guitar. Same slithering, crawling, feeling and soon the octopus is picking away a tune.
A third fellow finally brings over some bagpipes. The octopus goes into action once more. Crawls all over the pipes, feeling here, poking there. The slithering and crawling and poking goes on and on and on.
Finally the bagpipes owner says: “It’s obvious I’ve won - your octopus can play my bagpipes.. start buying the drinks..”
“Not so fast says the octopus owner - as soon as he figures out he can’t screw it, he’ll start playing it!!”
Google Groups: eunet.jokes
The Octopus And The Bagpipes
Cerberus
1/1/00
A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any musical instrument in the world.
He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him, calling him an idiot, etc. So he says that he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can’t play.
A guy walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix, just rippin’ it up. So the man pays his $50.
Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzie Gillespie. So the man pays his $50.
Then a Scotsman walks up with bagpipes.. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sits it down with a confused look. “Ha!” the Scot says. “Can’t you play it?” The octopus looks up at him and says, “Play it? I’m going to fuck it as soon as I figure out how to get its pyjamas off.”
Google Groups: eunet.jokes
Musical Octopus
DaJoker
3/16/00
A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any musical instrument in the world. He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him, calling him an idiot, etc. So he says that he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can’t play.
A guy walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix, just rippin’ it up. So the man pays his $50. Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzie Gillespie. So the man pays his $50. Then a Scotsman walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sits it down with a confused look. “Ha!” the Scot says. “Can’t you play it?” The octopus looks up at him and says, “Play it? I’m going to fuck it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off.”
Google Groups: alt.tasteless.jokes
Octopus
Omar
8/22/00
A guy walks into a bar with an octopus, and says, “I’ll bet fifty bucks that my octopus can play any instrument.”
The bartender hands the octopus a guitar, and the octopus plays it, so the guy hands the bartender fifty bucks. The manager hands the octopus a trumpet, and the octopus plays it, so the manager hands the guy fifty bucks. The waitress hands the octopus a set of bagpipes…the octopus fumbles with it for a minute, and then he sets it down. She says, “Hah! Can’t you play it?”
The octopus says “Play it? As soon as I figure out how to get these pajamas off it, I’m gonna fuck it, then let Ug suck the cum out of it”
Google Books
Long for this World
By Michael Byers
Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin
2003
Pg. 110:
Guy walks into a bar with an octopus, says it can play any instrument in the house. It plays a guitar, a flute, a mandolin. Finally somebody brings it some bagpipes and the octopus rolls up and down the bar with it, not a sound coming out. “Don’t worry,” the guys says, “he’ll play it once he figures out he can’t fuck it.”
Google Books
Guy Walks Into A Bar…:
501 Bar Jokes, Stories, Anecdotes, Quips, Quotes, Riddles and Wisecracks
By Michael Lewis
New York, NY: Black Dog & Leventhal Publishers, Inc.
2005
Pg. 93:
A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and says, Folks, can I have your attention. This is Otto, the musical octopus. I will bet anyone fifty dollars that Otto can play any instrument you bring him. ...