“Almond Joy implies the existence of Almond Sadness”
Almond Joy is a candy bar manufactured by Hershey's. There are no other candy bars of almond emotions, but there are jokes. "Almond Joy implies the existence of Almond Sadness. Perhaps,…
“Almond milk coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle”
"Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle" -- that is, it's useless -- is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown.…
“Almond milk is for baby almonds”
If cow's milk is for baby cows and human milk is for human babies, is almond milk for baby almonds? "almond milk? isnt that for baby almonds ;)" was posted on Twitter by Saint…
“Almonds are good for when I want to have a healthy snack and want to stop having twelve dollars”
Almonds are a healthy snack, but they are expensive. A joke was posted on Twitter by Simon Holland on May 23, 2016: "Almonds are good for when I want to have a healthy snack and want to stop…
“Alpha, Delta and Omicron walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A version with COVID-19 (coronavirus) variants is: "Alpha, Delta, and Omicron walk…
“Alphabet soup? More like Times New Ramen, am I right?”
Times New Roman is a popular serif typeface that was originally used on The Times newspaper in London in 1931. Times New Ramen is a joke font of ramen noodles. The font was illustrated on flickr in…
“Alphabet spaghetti on toast is delicious. Spread the word”
Alphabet pasta (called "alphabet spaghetti" in the UK) has had a few puns. "Instead of alphabet spaghetti they should make alphabet butter. Spread the word" was posted on…
“Alternative medicine that works is called medicine”
"Alternative medicine that works is called medicine" is a medical saying of uncertain origin. "If any 'alternative therapy' ever cured cancer it would be called…
“Although COVID-19 spreads mostly via the mouth and nose, scientists now conclude…”
"Although COVID-19 spreads mostly via the mouth and nose, scientists now conclude the greatest risk comes from assholes" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The…
“Although Jesus was known as a Carpenter, he never actually sang on any of the albums”
Jesus was a carpenter, but he was not a member of the American vocal and instrumental duo The Carpenters. "RT @Satans_Thong: They say Jesus was a carpenter. I can't recall him singing on…
“Always ask for a receipt because you never know when you’ll need an alibi”
Many people ask for a receipt for tax purposes. A receipt is also useful to show a spouse where one has been. "Always ask for a receipt, you never know when you may need an alibi" was…
“Always ask for a receipt. You may need an alibi”
Many people ask for a receipt for tax purposes. A receipt is also useful to show a spouse where one has been. "Always ask for a receipt, you never know when you may need an alibi" was…
“Always Be Clicking” (“ABC” of the Internet)
"Always Be Clicking" (the "ABC" of the Internet) is a similar expression to "Always Be Closing" (the "ABC" of selling). "Always Be Clicking" was…
“Always Be Closing” (“ABC” of selling)
"Always be closing" (the ABC's of selling) dates in print to at least 1950. The phrase was popularized by David Mamet's awarding-winning play, Glengarry Glen Ross, which opened…
“Always be sincere, even if you don’t mean it”
"Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it" is often credited to Harry S. Truman (1884-1972) but there's no evidence that he ever said it. The earliest citations for the…
“Always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman. Then always be Batman”
"Always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman. Then always be Batman" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many posters. "Always be yourself" is a bland motivational…
“Always borrow money from a pessimist—he doesn’t expect to be paid back”
"Always borrow money from a pessimist -- he doesn't expect to be paid back" is a saying that has been printed (with slight wording variations) on T-shirts and bumper stickers. The…
“Always buy a bigger bottle than you think you’ll need. Better safe than sober”
"Always buy a bigger bottle than you think you'll need. Better safe than sober" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Always buy a bigger bottle. Better safe than…
“Always buy the bigger bottle… Better safe than sober”
"Always buy a bigger bottle than you think you'll need. Better safe than sober" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Always buy a bigger bottle. Better safe than…
“Always carry whiskey in case of snakebite—furthermore, always carry a small snake”
The comic actor W. C. Fields (1880-1946) was well known for his witty lines about drinking. "I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake— which I also keep handy"…