“If you see your glass half empty, pour it into a smaller glass”
"If you see your glass half empty, pour it into a smaller glass and stop bitching/complaining" is a drinking saying that has been printed on many images. "If you see the glass as…
“If you shoot it, you eat it” (hunting adage)
"If you shoot it, you eat it" is not a hunting requirement, but it is a saying that some hunters use. "If you shoot it -- you gotta eat it" has been cited in print since at…
“If you show your papers to attend a Remembrance Day ceremony, you’ve already forgotten”
Remembrance Day (November 11th) recalls the end of the First World War. "If you show your papers to attend a Remembrance Day ceremony, you’ve already forgotten" is a saying that has…
“If you sin 90 times you’ll only get caught 50% of the time because sin90 = cot45”
"If you sin 90 times, you get caught 45 times. Because sin90 = cot 45!" was posted on Twitter by Abhijeet R.Bhalerao on August 28, 2010. This is a math joke about "sine"…
“If you sleep till noon you only have to pay for 2 meals instead of 3”
"If you sleep till noon you only have to pay for 2 meals instead of 3" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The reasoning is that a person who sleeps until noon skips…
“If you sleep with the elephants, you can’t cover the circus” (journalism adage)
"If you sleep with the elephants, you can't cover the circus" has developed into a newspaper adage. In 1977, it was discovered that New York (NY) Times writer Laura Foreman had been…
“If you somehow choke to death on an ice cube, nobody would know how you died”
"Has anyone ever choked to death on an ice cube? If so, did it confuse the fuck out of the coroner?" was asked on Reddit -- AskReddit on December 20, 2010. "Is it possible to die…
“If you spill paint on your lawn, you can watch paint dry and grass grow at the same time”
Both "watching paint dry" and "watching grass grow" are classically unexciting things; sometimes these activities are combined. "Any day now... Its like watching fruit…
“If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie”
"If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie" (or "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat") is a popular sign displayed in many…
“If you stay at the table long enough, the chips come to you”
American actress Marilyn Cooper (1934-2009) made her Broadway debut in the chorus of Mr. Wonderful (1956); the following year, she was cast in West Side Story (1957). When Cooper won the Tony award…
“If you stay silent and fail to rock the boat in this war between good and evil…”
"If you stay silent and fail to rock the boat in this war between good and evil...your life might be easier but your children's won't" is a saying that has been printed on…
“If you steal things from bartenders, you’ll end up behind bars”
A bar joke was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners on September 30, 2018: "If you steal things from bartenders, you'll end up behind bars." "Behind bars" -- when it is not…
“If you still look cute at the end of your workout, you didn’t train hard enough”
"If you still look cute at the end of your workout, you didn't train hard enough" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many posters. "If you still look cute after a…
“If you struggle cutting cake, is it still a piece of cake?”
Something that is a "piece of cake" is something that is easy or simple. "If a cake is hard to make is it still a piece of cake??" is a joke that was posted on Twitter January…
“If you stumble, make it part of the dance”
"If you stumble, make it part of the/your dance" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many posters. "If you stumble, make it part of your dance" was cited on…
“If you suck at playing the trumpet, that’s probably why”
A trumpet is played by blowing it, not sucking it. A joke was posted on Twitter by Eric Martin on June 7, 2011: "If you suck at playing the trumpet, that is probably why." TwitterEric…
“If you swallow uranium you will probably get atomic ache”
"Atomic ache" sounds a bit like "a tummy ache." "Eating uranium can cause atomic ache" was posted on the newsgroup Google Groups: rec.humor on April 22, 1991.…
“If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your memory”
"If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your memory" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on an image. The joke was posted on the website Pun of the Day in…
“If you take a social media sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last post something fun…”
Should a last post before a social media sabbatical leave some intrigue? "If you take a twitter sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last tweet something fun like 'I wonder if…
“If you take a Twitter sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last tweet something fun…”
Should a last post before a social media sabbatical leave some intrigue? "If you take a twitter sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last tweet something fun like 'I wonder if…