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October 15, 2014
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If you can’t convince them, confuse them”

"If you can't convince them, confuse them" was popularized in 1948 by U.S. President Harry S. Truman (1884-1972), referring to the tactics of the opposition Republican party. Truman…

September 23, 2012
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“If you can’t dance, don’t blame the dance floor”

"A bad workman blames his tools" is an old proverb that has many variations. "If you can't dance, don't blame (it on) the (dance) floor" is a modern version of the…

May 25, 2010
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit”

"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with B.S. (bullshit)" has been printed on signs and T-shirts since at least the early 1970s. James Boren (1925-2010) and his…

January 14, 2015
Banking/Finance/Insurance

“If you can’t drive to it, don’t lend to it”

Money is often spent locally. "If you can't drive to it, don't lend to it" and "if you can't drive to it, don't invest in it" are popular adages. "We…

May 18, 2019
Streets

“If you can’t find it on Fifth Avenue, it probably isn’t worth finding”

Fifth Avenue in Manhattan is the home to many expensive shops. "If you can't find it on Fifth Avenue, it probably isn't worth finding" is a saying about the famous street. The…

March 17, 2015
Work/Businesses

“If you can’t find the key to success, pick the lock”

"If you can't find the key to success, pick the lock" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many posters. "Thomas Edison says hard work is the key to success. So…

July 24, 2019
Time/Weather

“If you can’t find the sunshine, be the sunshine”

"If/When you can't find the sunshine, be the sunshine" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. "Sunshine" means "happiness" -- if you…

June 4, 2015
Sports/Games

“If you can’t get to a good pitcher early, you might not get him” (baseball adage)

A pitcher often needs the first inning (and sometimes the second and third innings) to get into rhythm and settle down. Once a good pitcher gets into his rhythm and settles down, the other team is…

October 28, 2022
Banking/Finance/Insurance

“If you can’t handle me when I’m broke, then you don’t deserve me when I have $600”

"If you can't handle me when I'm broke, then you don't deserve me when I have 60/600 bucks" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying began in December…

October 28, 2022
Banking/Finance/Insurance

“If you can’t handle me when I’m broke, then you don’t deserve me when I have 60 bucks”

"If you can't handle me when I'm broke, then you don't deserve me when I have 60/600 bucks" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying began in December…

September 23, 2015
Sports/Games

“If you can’t imitate him, don’t copy him”

Casey Stengel (1890-1975), a former New York Yankees manager and then the manager of the expansion New York Mets, gave advice to his former player, Yogi Berra (1925-2015), in January 1964 after…

March 11, 2014
Work/Businesses

“If you can’t innovate, litigate”

"If you can't innovate, (then) litigate" (or "Don't innovate, litigate") is a popular saying, especially in computing and new technologies. A company is successful…

February 11, 2018
Food/Drink

“If you can’t make both ends meet, make one end a vegetable”

The expression "make ends meet" shouldn't be confused with "make ends meat," but there have been puns. A joke was printed in the New York (NY) Herald on August 5, 1877:…

November 18, 2010
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If you can’t open their minds, open their heads”

Conservative radio and television commentator Glenn Beck posted audio on his blog The Blaze, on November 16, 2010, of a comment at a National Socialist strategy session: "The labor movement…

August 28, 2018
Banking/Finance/Insurance

“If you can’t pay cash, you can’t afford it”

"If you can't pay cash, you can't afford it" is a money saying that has been printed on many images. The adage is popular with those who don't like borrowing money or using…

September 26, 2020
Food/Drink

“If you can’t pronounce it, don’t buy it” (food labels and purchases)

"If you can't pronounce it, don't eat it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying refers to the chemical additives in many foods -- not to the…

July 10, 2015
Food/Drink

“If you can’t pronounce it, don’t eat it”

"If you can't pronounce it, don't eat it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying refers to the chemical additives in many foods -- not to the…

September 26, 2020
Food/Drink

“If you can’t pronounce it, you shouldn’t be eating it”

"If you can't pronounce it, don't eat it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying refers to the chemical additives in many foods -- not to the…

October 2, 2016
Food/Drink

“If you can’t remember my name, just say ‘donuts’. I’ll turn around and look”

Donna Macabre tweeted on August 11, 2015: "If you can't remember my name, just say 'donuts'. I'll turn around and look." "Donuts" is often replaced with…

August 14, 2021
Food/Drink

“If you can’t say anything nice, you haven’t had enough coffee”

"If you can't say anything nice, you obviously haven't had your coffee yet" (or "If you can't say anything nice, you haven't had enough coffee") is a coffee…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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