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August 5, 2022
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If you can’t tell by now that society is being programmed, you’ve been perfectly programmed”

"If you can’t tell by now that society is being programmed, then you’ve been perfectly programmed" is a saying that has been printed on several images. "IF YOU CAN’T TELL BY…

December 21, 2012
Work/Businesses

“If you cannot do great things. do small things in a great way” (“Small things with great love”)

"If I can not do great things, I can do small things in a great way" was credited in 1902 to American theologian James Freeman Clarke (1810-1888). It's not certain when Clarke said…

August 4, 2021
Food/DrinkPets (Dogs, Cats, Horses)

“If you cannot find your dog, open the fridge door. He’s standing right behind you”

"If you cannot find your dog, open the fridge door. He’s standing right behind you" is a saying that has been printed on many images. That is, the dog wants food, too. "If you…

April 15, 2021
Work/Businesses

“If you cannot question it, it’s not science. It’s propaganda”

Some people try to end an argument by simply stating, "It's science!" However, the science can be questioned. "If you cannot question it, it’s not science. It’s…

April 1, 2024
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If you cannot see the irony in having a gun ban enforced by men with guns…”

"If you cannot see the irony in having a gun ban enforced by men with guns, then you fail to understand why the Second Amendment was written in the first place" is a pro-gun saying that…

February 8, 2025
Government/Law/Military/Religion /HealthSports/Games

“If you care as much about church as you do about football, dump Gatorade on your pastor at the end of the sermon”

A winning coach or player in sports (especially football) often receives a "Gatorade shower." Some people believe that church should have similar enthusiasm. "It's that time of…

September 30, 2021
Food Festivals

“If you carve a pumpkin in September, it’s called premature ejackolantern”

"If you carve a pumpkin in September, it’s called premature ejackolantern" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Premature ejackolantern" is a portmanteau…

March 4, 2020
Food/Drink

“If you catch the coronavirus twice, is it called Dos Equis?”

A coronavirus has nothing to do with Corona beer, but a joke was posted on Twitter by Zach Walsh (and others) on March 4, 2020: "If you get corona virus twice is it called Dos Equis??"…

June 24, 2013
Sports/Games

“If you chum, they will come” (fishing adage)

"If you build it (a baseball field), he (baseball star Shoeless Joe Jackson) will come" is a famous quotation from the baseball film Field of Dreams (1989). "If you chum, they will…

July 28, 2019
Food/Drink

“If you combine wine and dinner, the new word is winner”

"Wine + dinner = winner" is a wine saying that has been printed on many images. "Wine+dinner= Winner!" was posted on Twitter by Monica Brady on August 28, 2010. "And while…

September 25, 2013
Sports/Games

“If you could beat me, I would know you” (chess saying)

A popular chess story involves chess champion José Raúl Capablanca (1888-1943). A player asked Capablanca to play a game, and Capablance was about to give him queen odds. "Hey! You…

September 15, 2018
Food/Drink

“If you could just rehydrate those raisins, that would be grapes”

A boss saying "If you could be here around nine, that would be great" is a line from the American film comedy Office Space (1999) that became a much-parodied meme. "Yeah, if you…

May 6, 2022
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If you could reason with a Democrat, there would be no Democrats”

"If you could reason with a Democrat, there would be no Democrats" (also given as "If you could reason with Democrats, there would be no Democrats" and "If you could reason…

May 6, 2022
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If you could reason with a Democrat, there wouldn’t be any Democrats”

"If you could reason with a Democrat, there would be no Democrats" (also given as "If you could reason with Democrats, there would be no Democrats" and "If you could reason…

May 6, 2022
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If you could reason with Democrats, there would be no Democrats”

"If you could reason with a Democrat, there would be no Democrats" (also given as "If you could reason with Democrats, there would be no Democrats" and "If you could reason…

May 25, 2023
Banking/Finance/Insurance

“If you count your money when it comes out of the ATM machine, you officially don’t trust a thing”

ATMs (automated teller machines) usually dispense cash very accurately, but many people still count their cash anyway. "You have very thick trust issues if you still count your money when it…

May 25, 2023
Banking/Finance/Insurance

“If you count your money when it comes out of the ATM machine, you officially don’t trust anything”

ATMs (automated teller machines) usually dispense cash very accurately, but many people still count their cash anyway. "You have very thick trust issues if you still count your money when it…

May 25, 2023
Banking/Finance/Insurance

“If you count your money when it comes out of the ATM, you have trust issues”

ATMs (automated teller machines) usually dispense cash very accurately, but many people still count their cash anyway. "You have very thick trust issues if you still count your money when it…

May 26, 2022
Food/Drink

“If you crush up garlic, does it create an allicin wonderland?”

Allicin is an organosulfur compound obtained from garlic. "Allicin Wonderland" is an obvious pun on Alice in Wonderland. "The body is, in fact, a veritable allicin wonderland"…

March 7, 2020
Food/Drink

“If you cut a minute steak into 60 pieces then everyone can have seconds”

"Minute steak" has been the subject of several puns. This was posted on Twitter by Ayn Randy on December 7, 2018: "If you cut a minute steak into 60 pieces then everyone can have…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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