“If I wanted the government in my womb, I’d fuck a Senator”
"If I wanted the government in my womb, I'd fuck a Senator" is a women's rights saying that has been printed on many images. "If I wanted the government in my womb,…
“If I wanted to bag my own groceries, I would have pursued a career in the Grocery Arts”
Many grocery shoppers do not like to bag their own groceries. "If I wanted to bag my own groceries I would have went to college to be a bag boy. Smh" was posted on Twitter by Young Basil…
“If I were a judge, I’d change my surname to Mental”
Is there a judgmental judge named Judge Mental? "Or I'll change my last name to 'Mental' so when I get my own show they'll say; 'all rise for Judge Mental'"…
“If I were a trumpet player I would constantly borrow other people’s trumpets…” (joke)
"Toot one's own horn" (to promote one's self) is an idiomatic expression. It has little to do with actually playing horns, but there are jokes. "I don't like to toot…
“If I won the lottery, I would stay at my job and act like an asshole until they fired me”
"If I won the lottery, I would stay at my job and act like an asshole until they fired me" is a work saying that has been printed on several images. There are several slight variations.…
“If I won the lottery, I wouldn’t quit my job. I’d just act like an asshole until they fired me”
"If I won the lottery, I would stay at my job and act like an asshole until they fired me" is a work saying that has been printed on several images. There are several slight variations.…
“If I won the lottery, I’d still keep my job so that I could act like a complete asshole until I’m fired”
"If I won the lottery, I would stay at my job and act like an asshole until they fired me" is a work saying that has been printed on several images. There are several slight variations.…
“If I won the lottery, I’d still keep my job so that I could be insufferably obnoxious until I’m fired”
"If I won the lottery, I would stay at my job and act like an asshole until they fired me" is a work saying that has been printed on several images. There are several slight variations.…
“If I won the lotto, I’d still keep my job so that I could act like a complete asshole until I’m fired”
"If I won the lottery, I would stay at my job and act like an asshole until they fired me" is a work saying that has been printed on several images. There are several slight variations.…
“If I won the Powerball, I’d still keep my job so that I could act like a complete asshole until I’m fired”
"If I won the lottery, I would stay at my job and act like an asshole until they fired me" is a work saying that has been printed on several images. There are several slight variations.…
“If I’m not home accepting what I can’t change, I’m probably out changing what I can’t accept”
The Serenity Prayer is: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." "If I'm not…
“If I’m up at midnight on New Year’s Eve, it’s because I have to pee”
Not everyone wants to stay up at midnight on New Year's Eve -- especially older people. This was posted on X/Twitter by Just Bill on December 30, 2018: "If I'm up at midnight on New…
“If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly did not think you could read”
"If I've offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly did not think you could read" is a jocular social media apology that has been printed on many images. "If…
“If in doubt, do half” (investment adage)
"If in doubt, do half" is an investment adage that urges reducing risk. "Whilst on the subject of Cottle, one of his catch phrases is 'If in doubt, do half' i.e. close or…
“If insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results—then what is voting?”
“Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result” is an old saying. Some people have used that definition to explain voting. "If insanity is doing the same thing again…
“If it ain’t burnt, momma didn’t cook it”
'If it ain't burnt, momma didn't cook it" (or, "If it ain't burnt, momma didn't make it") is a saying that's been on signs since at least 2003. The…
“If it ain’t on the page, it ain’t on the stage” (theatre adage)
"If it ain't on the page, it ain't on the stage" (or, "If it's not on the page, it's not on the stage") is a popular drama adage, used both on Broadway and…
“If it ain’t raining, it ain’t training” (“If it ain’t raining, we ain’t training”)
"It it ain't raining, we ain't training" is a saying that began in the United States military, showing that troops are ready to go in even the worst conditions. "The Camp…
“If it bleeds, it leads”
"If it bleeds, it leads" means that tabloid newspapers and radio/television news lead their news reports with sensationalist stories, such as violence. The saying "if it bleeds, it…
“If it burns, it earns”
"If it burns, it earns” means that tabloid newspapers and radio/television news lead their news reports with sensationalist stories, such as violence. The Crisis Papers published "If It…