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April 16, 2025
Government/Law/Military/Religion /HealthWork/Businesses

“If going to space for 3 minutes makes you an astronaut, then I’m a urologist”

Blue Origin NS-31 was a sub-orbital spaceflight on April 14, 2025. It lasted only about 15 minutes, but the crew members were called "astronauts." This was posted on X/Twitter by Jeremy…

April 20, 2020
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If government can suspend your rights anytime it deems something a crisis, you don’t have rights”

The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in, essentially, medical martial law. Many people were locked down in their homes. by order of state governors. "If the government can suspend your…

February 10, 2024
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If government can’t fix potholes, how can it fix the planet?”

"Statism is the belief that a group of people who can't fix potholes can fix an entire planet" is an anti-government saying that has been pritned on several images. "STATISM IS…

October 27, 2020
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If government is the answer, it was a stupid question”

"If government is the answer, it was a stupid question" is an anti-government saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "If more government is the answer,…

May 27, 2020
Education/Schools

“If graduation can’t be done at a gym or a football field, perhaps grads could walk thru Walmart”

Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: 2019-20 coronavirus outbreakThe 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic is an ongoing global pandemic of coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19), caused by severe acute…

May 27, 2022
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If guns cause crime, do cameras cause child porn?”

"If guns cause crime, do cameras cause child porn?" is a saying that has been printed on an image. "If guns cause crime then video cameras cause pornography" was posted on the…

May 27, 2022
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If guns cause crime, then cameras cause pornography”

"If guns cause crime, do cameras cause child porn?" is a saying that has been printed on an image. "If guns cause crime then video cameras cause pornography" was posted on the…

June 14, 2022
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson”

"If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson" is a pro-gun saying that has been printed on many images. "Do guns cause murder? Do matches cause arson?" was printed in the The…

June 4, 2022
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If guns kill people, do pencils misspell words?”

"If guns kill people, do pencils misspell words?" and "If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars drive drunk and spoons make people fat" are pro-gun sayings that…

July 21, 2014
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If guns kill people, how does anyone get out of a gun show alive?”

"Guns don't kill people -- people kill people" is a famous pro-gun (pro-Second Amendment) saying. "If guns kill people, how does anyone get out of a gun show alive?" is a…

June 4, 2022
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars drive drunk and spoons make people fat”

"If guns kill people, do pencils misspell words?" and "If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars drive drunk and spoons make people fat" are pro-gun sayings that…

February 24, 2013
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“If gymnastics were easy, it would be called football”

"If gymnastics were easy, it would be called football" is a saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts, posters and bumper stickers. "If gymnastics were easy,…

November 1, 2022
Holidays/Events/Parades

“If Halloween’s her favorite holiday, she’s probably mentally unstable”

"If Halloween’s her favorite holiday, she’s probably mentally unstable" is a Halloween saying that has been printed on many images. "If Halloween's her favorite holiday…

September 23, 2019
Food/DrinkPets (Dogs, Cats, Horses)

“If having dogs has taught me anything, it’s how to eat cookies VERY quietly”

"If having dogs has taught me anything, it's how to eat cookies VERY quietly" is a cookie saying that has been printed on many images. "If having dogs has taught me anything,…

January 4, 2021
Time/Weather

“If heat rises, why is the North Pole so cold?”

"If heat rises to the top why is the north pole the coldest place on earth?" was posted on Twitter by Tiffany Janay. "If heat rises, why is the North Pole so cold?" was posted…

September 17, 2020
Food/Drink

“If heaven had a flavor, it would be coffee”

"If heaven had a flavor, it would be coffee" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "says if heaven had a flavor……… it would be coffee!" was posted on…

September 17, 2020
Food/Drink

“If heaven had a flavour, it would be coffee”

"If heaven had a flavor, it would be coffee" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "says if heaven had a flavor……… it would be coffee!" was posted on…

May 12, 2017
Food/Drink

“If history has taught us anything, it’s that reheated french fries are gross”

Reheated french fries are never good, but some people still reheat fries, anyway. "Reheated french fries are always gross. Just thought I would share that" was posted on Twitter on…

September 11, 2009
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“If Hitler’s still alive, I hope he’s out of town with a musical” (Larry Gelbart)

Larry Gelbart (1928-2009) wrote the book for the successful Broadway musical A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum and achieved great success writing for the television show M*A*S*H, but…

July 5, 2017
Education/Schools

“If homework is to read something, there is no homework”

If students are assigned to read something for homework, they often don't read it. "If the homework is to revise or read something then there is no homework" was posted on…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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