“If fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?”
Manhattan-born comedian George Carlin (1937-2008) wrote in Napalm & Silly Putty (2002): "The contra killers were known as 'freedom fighters.' Well, if crime fighters fight crime…
“If found drunk or unconscious, please return to anyone but my wife”
"If found drunk, please return to (my) wife" is a jocular T-shirt saying that has been printed on many images. "If found drunk or unconscious, please return to anyone but (my)…
“If found drunk or unconscious, please return to anyone but wife”
"If found drunk, please return to (my) wife" is a jocular T-shirt saying that has been printed on many images. "If found drunk or unconscious, please return to anyone but (my)…
“If found drunk, please return to wife”
"If found drunk, please return to (my) wife" is a jocular T-shirt saying that has been printed on many images. "If found drunk or unconscious, please return to anyone but (my)…
“If found, please return to pub”
"If found, please return to (the) pub" is a jocular T-shirt saying that has been printed on many images. "If found, please return to the pub" was posted on the newsgroup…
“If found, please return to the pub”
"If found, please return to (the) pub" is a jocular T-shirt saying that has been printed on many images. "If found, please return to the pub" was posted on the newsgroup…
“If free speech is a threat to your government, then your government is a threat to your country”
"If free speech is a threat to your government, (then) your government is a threat to your country" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If free speech is a threat to…
“If free speech is a threat to your government… your government is a threat to your country”
"If free speech is a threat to your government, (then) your government is a threat to your country" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If free speech is a threat to…
“If freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to slaughter”
"If the freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter" is a George Washington (1732-1799) quotation that became frequently used in the…
“If Friday had a face, I would kiss it”
"If Friday had a face, I would kiss it" is a Friday (often the end of the work week) saying that has been printed on many images. "Yay it's Friday! If Friday had a face I would…
“If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does turkey come from?”/“A poul-tree.”
"Poultry" is often given in pun form as "poul-tree," as in the Brooklyn (NY) Daily Eagle on December 13, 1867: "Holly is the most popular tree at Christmas time; but on…
“If gay and lesbian people are given civil rights, then everyone will want them”
"If gay and lesbian people are given civil rights, then everyone/everybody will want them" is a saying that's been cited in print since at least June 1994. The origin of the saying…
“If gay marriage is wrong, then why did we have four fathers?”
"Forefathers" shouldn't be confused with "four fathers," but there are jokes. "If gay marriage is wrong, then why did we have four fathers?" was posted on Twitter…
“If genitals don’t define gender, how does removing them affirm it?”
"If genitals don't define gender, how does removing them affirm it?" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Imagine thinking genitalia doesn't indicate…
“If Gladstone should fall into the Thames, that would be a misfortune…” (political joke)
A joke about the difference between an accident (or mishap or misfortune) and a calamity (or catastrophe or misfortune) appears to have been first told in France and was published in the the Leeds…
“If God didn’t make it, don’t take it”
"If nature didn't make it, don't take it" is a health saying that has beenprinted on many images. The saying is usually attributed to Alfredo Darrington Bowman (1933-2016), also…
“If God dwells inside us, I hope He likes enchiladas, because that’s what He’s getting”
"If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas because that's what He's getting" was written by Jack Handey in Deeper Thoughts (1993), a sequel…
“If God wanted us to bend over, He’d have put diamonds on the floor”
Brooklyn-born comedian Joan Rivers (1933-2014) -- no fan of exercise -- said in 1988: "I don't work out. If God wanted us to bend over, He'd put diamonds on the floor." The…
“If God wanted us to fly, he would have given us tickets”
"If God had intended us to fly, He would have given us wings" is a popular anonymous proverb. The jet age of the 1960s added a different ending: "If God wanted us to fly, he would…
“If going to space for 3 minutes makes you an astronaut, then I’m a gynecologist”
Blue Origin NS-31 was a sub-orbital spaceflight on April 14, 2025. It lasted only about 15 minutes, but the crew members were called "astronauts." This was posted on X/Twitter by Jeremy…