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July 4, 2022
Transportation

“If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I’m a size window seat in plane tickets”

"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I'm a size window seat in plane tickets" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is uncertain. "If anyone…

July 5, 2022
Transportation

“If anyone is shopping for me, I’m a size window seat in plane tickets”

"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I'm a size window seat in plane tickets" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is uncertain. "If anyone…

September 26, 2025
Food/Drink

“If anyone is wondering why the pizza box reads, ‘Remove cardboard before baking,’ feel free to ask my 17yo son”

A frozen pizza box often states, "Remove cardboard before baking." This message might seem obvious to everyone, but it isn't. "I think we've evolved enough to not need…

September 26, 2025
Food/Drink

“If anyone is wondering why the pizza box says, ‘Remove cardboard before baking,’ I found out why so you don’t have to”

A frozen pizza box often states, "Remove cardboard before baking." This message might seem obvious to everyone, but it isn't. "I think we've evolved enough to not need…

August 24, 2020
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If anyone needs copies of Osteopath Monthly, I have back issues”

There have been several magazine puns on the term “back issues.” "I've been getting the periodical Osteopath weekly for years. I have a lot of back issues" was posted on Twitter…

March 26, 2018
Work/Businesses

“If anyone tells you your dreams are silly, there’s a millionaire who invented the pool noodle”

"If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle" is a jocular line that has been printed on several…

March 17, 2021
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“If anyone wants to sponsor me, I’m doing a 0.0000005K run to raise awareness for laziness”

"I'm running in a 0.0000005K run to raise awareness for laziness" was posted on Twitter by thotrey hepurn on February 16, 2017. That is, the lazy person is barely moving at all, just…

April 9, 2024
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If anything I post offends you, blame your parents for raising a little bitch”

"If anything I post offends you, blame your parents for raising a little bitch" and "If anything I post on my page offends you, blame your parents for raising a pussy" are…

April 9, 2024
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If anything I post on my page offends you, blame your parents for raising a pussy”

"If anything I post offends you, blame your parents for raising a little bitch" and "If anything I post on my page offends you, blame your parents for raising a pussy" are…

April 9, 2024
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If anything on the internet offends you, blame your parents for raising a pussy”

"If anything I post offends you, blame your parents for raising a little bitch" and "If anything I post on my page offends you, blame your parents for raising a pussy" are…

November 18, 2015
Time/Weather

“If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?” (joke)

"April showers bring May flowers" is a proverb that dates to the 16th century. A popular Thanksgiving joke is: Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?A:…

October 31, 2022
Art/SculptureEducation/Schools

“If artists wear Sketchers, do linguists wear Converse?”

Converse shoes have nothing to do with conversations or conversing, but there are jokes. "What kind of shoes do linguists wear? converse" was posted on Reddit -- Funny on October 10,…

September 10, 2016
Work/Businesses

“If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport”

"If assholes/idiots could fly, this place would be an airport" is a saying that has been printed on many images The saying reflects many workers' opinions of their workplaces.…

September 10, 2016
Transportation

“If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport”

"If assholes/idiots could fly, this place would be an airport" is a saying that has been printed on many images The saying reflects many workers' opinions of their workplaces.…

August 5, 2023
Time/Weather

“If astrology isn’t real, then why is every girl born between January and December evil”

"If astrology isn’t real, then why is every man born between January and December evil" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. The speaker is using astrology for…

August 5, 2023
Time/Weather

“If astrology isn’t real, then why is every man born between January and December evil”

"If astrology isn’t real, then why is every man born between January and December evil" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. The speaker is using astrology for…

August 5, 2023
Time/Weather

“If astrology isn’t real, then why is every woman born between January and December evil”

"If astrology isn’t real, then why is every man born between January and December evil" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. The speaker is using astrology for…

August 6, 2024
Work/Businesses

“If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished”

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" is a popular American poem verse from the 1830s. The verse has many joke endings that replace "try, try again." "If at…

June 18, 2023
Work/Businesses

“If at first you don’t succeed, call dad”

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" is a popular American poem verse from the 1830s. The verse has many joke endings that replace "try, try again." "If at…

May 31, 2018
Work/Businesses

“If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0”

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" is a popular American poem verse from the 1830s. The verse has many joke endings that replace "try, try again." "If at…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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