“I’ve been bored recently so I’ve decided to take up fencing. The neighbors want it back”
There's a difference between "fencing" (a sport) and "fencing" (that goes around a house), but there are jokes. "I've been bored recently so I've decided to…
“I’ve been cutting carbs lately—with a pizza cutter”
People trying to lose weight often "cut carbs" (carbohydrates) from their diets, but this does not mean physically cutting them. "This is how I cut carbs (takes a pizza cutter to the…
“I’ve been exercising using dictionaries, and I’m finally starting to see some definition”
People work out to "see some definition," such as muscles coming out from what used to be fat. "Been bench pressing dictionaries, starting to see some definition in my arms..."…
“I’ve been hiding from exercise. I’m in the fitness protection program”
"I've been hiding from exercise. I'm in the fitness protection program" '' a pun on "witness protection program" -- is a jocular saying that has been printed…
“I’ve been hitting ‘remind me tomorrow’ on a computer update for the last 68 years”
Many people are reminded about software updates, but keep putting it off. Some people don't have the time, while others don't want the updates. "I've been hitting 'reboot…
“I’ve been keeping an eye on my spending and from what I can see I’m pretty good at it”
Some people ty to watch their spending, but watching it doesn't help reduce it. "I've been keeping an eye on my spending.. From what I can see I'm very, very good at it"…
“I’ve been keeping an eye on my spending. From what I can see I’m very, very good at it”
Some people ty to watch their spending, but watching it doesn't help reduce it. "I've been keeping an eye on my spending.. From what I can see I'm very, very good at it"…
“I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is fourteen days”
New York City-born comedian Joe E. Lewis (1902-1971) told syndicated entertainment columnist Earl Wilson in June 1957 that he had sworn off drinking and heavy eating. "In 14 days," Lewis…
“I’ve been on hold so long that I can’t remember who I’ve called”
Many people have been on hold for a long time on their phone calls. "I've been on hold so long that I can't remember who I've called..." was posted on Twitter by…
“I’ve been out of work for a while but have just got a job at a factory making periscopes. Things are looking up”
"Things are looking up" means that conditions are getting better. This usually doesn't involve actually looking up, but there are jokes. "I have had some good news today.I have…
“I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor; rich is better”
"I've been rich and I've been poor. Rich is better." This insightful bit of personal financial wisdom has been credited to entertainer Sophie Tucker, comedian Joe E. Lewis,…
“I’ve been social distancing for years…mostly because of restraining orders”
The 2020 coronavirus pandemic resulted in many social distancing requirements. Social distancing was compared to a restraining order. "I do my social distancing the old-fashioned way, usually…
“I’ve been standing under citrus trees all day. I feel sublime!”
"Sublime" doesn't describe a lime, but there are jokes. "What it was, under the citrus tree -- 'SUB-LIME'" was the "Jumble puzzle syndicated in many…
“I’ve been staying in a four-star hotel. It was ****”
"I've been staying in a four-star hotel. It was ****" was posted on Sickipedia on August 5, 2023. The joke is that a four-star hotel is a very good hotel, but "****"…
“I’ve been studying the metric system lately. It’s in tenths”
"In tenths" can sound like "intense." "unless you go with a group of 10 then its in tenths" was posted on Twitter by RandaddyPurpsGrapes on March 18, 2013. "My…
“I’ve been thrown out of better places than this!”
"I've been thrown out of better places/joints/bars/restaurants/hotels than this!" is a humorous saying by someone getting removed from a location. Ferenc Molnár's popular…
“I’ve been trying to leave Rome for weeks, but all their roads have this weird design flaw”
"All roads lead to Rome" is an idiom that means that all paths have the same goal. In some jokes, however, the phrase is taken literally. "I've been trying to leave Rome for…
“I’ve been waiting all winter to complain about the summer heat”
"I've been waiting all winter to complain about the summer heat" (or "I've been waiting all winter to start complaining about the summer heat") is a spring saying that…
“I’ve been waiting all winter to start complaining about the summer heat”
"I've been waiting all winter to complain about the summer heat" (or "I've been waiting all winter to start complaining about the summer heat") is a spring saying that…
“I’ve been watching my weight. It’s still there”
"I've been watching my weight. It's still there" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The expression "watch your weight" usually means to watch…