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March 29, 2020
Work/Businesses

“I think my coworkers are gay. Every time I walk by they mumble, ‘What an ass!’”

"RT @Gotham3: I believe my colleagues are gay. Whenever I walk past them, I can overhear them saying 'What an Ass'" was posted on Twitter by Nkululeko Lee-Brinn Suikerbossie on…

February 15, 2018
Work/Businesses

“I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work”

"I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I'm still at work" is a jocular line that has been printed on many images. "I keep pushing the 'home'…

March 11, 2017
Education/Schools

“I think my math teacher works for the CIA. He always wants to put radicals in isolation”

A math joke about "radicals" is: "I think my math teacher works for the CIA. He always wants to put radicals in isolation." The joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on March 11,…

July 21, 2017
Food/Drink

“I think my patience is at the bottom of this coffee cup. Hang on while I find it”

"I think my patience is at the bottom of this coffee cup. Hang on while I find it" is a jocular coffee saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on…

June 8, 2023
Work/Businesses

“I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas”

"I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter by Boldomatic on June 20, 2013.…

February 16, 2018
Education/Schools

“I think my smart phone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at school”

"I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I'm still at work" is a jocular line that has been printed on many images. "I keep pushing the 'home'…

February 16, 2018
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“I think my smartphone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at work”

"I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I'm still at work" is a jocular line that has been printed on many images. "I keep pushing the 'home'…

January 5, 2018
Food/Drink

“I think my soulmate might be carbs”

"I think my soulmate might be carbs" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter by Katie Kaleidoscope‏ on December 5, 2013,…

October 12, 2015
Names/Phrases

“I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York”

"I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York" is a jocular line that is similar to other lines used about other "new" places, including "New…

October 4, 2021
Time/Weather

“I think of Wednesday as the middle finger of the work week”

"Wednesday is like the middle finger of the week" is a Wednesday saying that has been printed on many images. "RT: @JeremyLeeAsh: Wednesday is kinda like the middle finger of the…

July 14, 2024
Time/Weather

“I think outside is low on Freon”

"I think outside is low on Freon" -- that is, it's hot -- is a saying that has been printed on many images. "It must be 'Low on Freon' outside? #Hot!…

September 1, 2021
Time/Weather

“I think people who use the wrong word should have the humidity to admit it”

"Humidity" shouldn't be confused with "humility." A joke was posted on Twitter by Nick on August 7, 2013: "People who use the wrong words sometimes should have the…

May 5, 2025
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“I think someone needs to sage the internet. The whole fucking place”

"I think someone needs to sage the internet. The whole fucking place" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on X/Twitter by Kalen Dion on February 27,…

February 23, 2021
Food/Drink

“I think someone’s been watering down my whiskey, but I don’t have the proof”

A joke about alcohol proof was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners on February 24, 2021: "I think someone's been Watering down my Whiskey but I don't have the Proof." Wikipedia:…

July 3, 2017
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“I think that a butt-dial is a polite form of booty-call”

"Butt dial" and "booty call" are not the same thing, but the terms have been combined on several images. "If you butt dial someone is that considered a booty call?"…

October 14, 2017
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I think the girl at the grocery store likes me. She was totally checking me out”

Someone checking you out doesn't necessarily like you -- it could be a cashier. "Wife says the teenage cashier girl was totally 'checking me out' when we were at the store.…

June 21, 2017
Holidays/Events/Parades

“I think the holidays are a wonderful time for drinking”

Two related drinking sayings have been printed on many images: "I think Christmas is a wonderful time for drinking. And also after and before Christmas plus all the other days.""I…

June 16, 2020
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I think the real reason this generation is so angry is because their music sucks”

Many people -- especially older people -- believe that the music of the 1960s and 1970s is superior to the music of the 2000s. "Maybe the reason that this generation of young people is so…

September 25, 2024
Pets (Dogs, Cats, Horses)

“I think the reason we’re born with two hands is so that we can pet two dogs at once”

"God gave us two hands so we can pet two dogs at once" is a saying that has been printed on many images. An older "two hands" saying, "God has given us two hands, one to…

June 8, 2026
Education/Schools

“I think the universe knew I would be too powerful if I could do math”

Not everyone is good at math. A joke was posted on X/Twitter by gina on July 23, 2018, and this received over 134,000 likes: "god knew i would be too powerful if i could do math." "I…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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