“I live for dried grapes. They’re my raisin d’être”
"Raison d'être" ( French for "reason for being") has nothing to do with raisins, but there are jokes. "I absolutely live for small dried fruits. They're my…
“I live for my alarm clock collection. It’s what gets me up in the morning”
"I live for my alarm clock collection. It's what gets me up in the morning" is a jocular saying that was posted on Twitter on February 10, 2011. The saying was posted on Twitter by…
“I live for small dried fruits. They’re my raisin d’être”
"Raison d'être" ( French for "reason for being") has nothing to do with raisins, but there are jokes. "I absolutely live for small dried fruits. They're my…
“I live in a free country. I have all the licenses and permits to prove it”
"'I am a free citizen and I have all the licenses and permits to prove it.' http://bit.ly/uBYlt via @addthis" was posted on Twitter by Stephen on June 12, 2009. The point of…
“I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children’s zoo. Last week, four kids escaped”
Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004) was a self-deprecating comic. He told a joke about his neighborhood (cited in print since at least 2003 and in his 2004 book): "I live in a tough neighborhood.…
“I live in a two-story house” (marriage/divorce joke)
A "story" is a floor of a building, but there are several puns on another meaning of the word. A marriage joke was published on the newsgroup rec.humor on APril 10, 1993: A man is…
“I live on a cul-de-sac, which is French for ‘Everybody here is white’”
A "dead end" is sometimes called a cul-de-sac (a French term). When cul-de-sac is used, a different group of people can be expected to be living there. This was posted on Twitter by…
“I loaned a blind guy some money” (joke)
A joke has been printed on many images: "I let some blind guy borrow money the other day. He said he was gonna pay me back next time he saw me...Wait..." The joke was cited on Twitter on…
“I long for the day when we have to run bake sales to raise money for bombs”
"It will be a great day when our schools get all the money they need and the air force has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber" has been a popular bumper sticker. The origin of the saying…
“I look fat. Please say something nice.”/“You have perfect eyesight.”
A fat joke is: WIFE (looking in the mirror): I look fat. Please give me a compliment.HUSBAND: You have perfect eyesight. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2003 and has been printed on…
“I look forward to paying off all of my debt, and finally getting back to just being broke”
"I look forward to paying off al of my debt, and finally getting back to just being broke" is a jocular line that began as an e-card and first appeared on Twitter on August 12, 2011. The…
“I look normal, but I talk to dogs like they’ll reply to me”
Facebook im not right in the head.com March 27, 2026 at 3:10 PM · Shared by the abnormal Kenneth Wright (The following text is shown on an image. -- ed.) I LOOK NORMAL BUT I TALK TO DOGS LIKE…
“I looked for the key to success and then found it’s a combination lock”
People often seek the key (or keys) to success. The "key" is a metaphor, but another metaphor is often added -- that success is a "combination lock." Business author Jonathan…
“I lost it in the sun” (baseball infielder after fumbling a ground ball)
Baseball outfielders often lose a fly ball in the sun. A popular joke when an infielder muffs a ground ball is that he "lost it in the sun." The Brooklyn Dodgers were leading the New York…
“I lost my job as a yes man because I no too much”
A joke about a "yes man" was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners on November 23, 2017: "I lost my job as a yes man because I no too much." The one-liner is a pun on "know too…
“I lost my job at the zoo recently…” (joke)
Zoo signs such as "Do not feed the animals" are for the public and not for zoo staff, but there are jokes. "I was always one to follow the rules...at the zoo the sign said don't…
“I lost my job making stencils. They said I wasn’t cut out for it”
"I lost my job making stencils. They said I wasn't cut out for it. #repundancy" is a jocular work saying that was posted on Twitter by Wobin on May 24, 2011. "Got sacked from my…
“I lost my Tic Tacs today. Now, I’m looking for replacemints”
"Lost my Tic-Tacs yesterday... Now Im looking for some replace mints" was posted on Twitter by David Easaw on January 8, 2013. "I lost my Tic Tacs today.... Now, I'm looking for…
“I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because I’m still looking for ideas”
"I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because I'm still looking for ideas" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown.…
“I love Basmati rice. I could eat it Tilda cows come home”
Tilda (a brand name since 1970) makes basmati rice that is the top-selling rice in the United Kingdom. "Tilda" sounds like "till the," and there are jokes about this "till…