“Actor: What’s my motivation? / Director: Your salary”
A classic acting joke, told both on Broadway and in Hollywood, has an actor reading a line and asking the director, "What's my motivation?" The director snaps back with a terse…
“Actors have to dream to order”
"Acting is the ability to dream on cue" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is credited to English actor Ralph Richardson (1902-1983), although Richardson usually…
“After playing guitar for years, I thought I could learn to play the piano…”
"@td644: 'A piano is the easiest instrument to pick up.' @ProtomanX97: 'BRB, going to pick up a piano'" was posted on Twitter by QuoteableClusterduck on August 28,…
“Ain’t no fuckin way that whole Siberian Orchestra is trans”
Trans-Siberian Orchestra (TSO) is an American rock band. "Trans-Siberian" usually means "across Siberia," but there are jokes where "trans" means…
“All Cows Eat Grass” (ACEG music mnemonic)
Entry in progress -- B.P. EGBDF mnemonics include “Every Good Boy Deserve Favor/Favour,” "Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge," "Every Good Boy Does Fine," "Every Girl Bakes…
“All music is folk music. I ain’t never heard a horse sing a song”
American blues singer Big Bill Broonzy (1903-1958) explained in a 1953 performance (and probably earlier): "Some people call these folk songs. All the songs I've heard in my life was folk…
“Although Jesus was known as a Carpenter, he never actually sang on any of the albums”
Jesus was a carpenter, but he was not a member of the American vocal and instrumental duo The Carpenters. "RT @Satans_Thong: They say Jesus was a carpenter. I can't recall him singing on…
“Always jingle all the way! Nobody likes a half-assed jingler”
"Always jingle all the way! Nobody likes a half-assed jingler" -- a joke on the "jingle all the way" line in the Christmas song "Jingle Bells" -- is a saying that has…
“America the Beautiful” (1902 revisions)
The words to the poem "America the Beautiful" were composed by Wellesley College professor Katharine Lee Bates (1859-1928) in 1893, after a visit to Pike's Peak in 1893. The poem,…
“An actor without a playwright is like a hole without a doughnut”
American drama critic and author George Jean Nathan (1882-1958) wrote in Encyclopædia of the Theatre (1940): "An actor without a playwright is like a hole without a doughnut." In other…
“An ill wind that nobody blows good” (musical instrument joke)
"It's an ill wind that blows nobody any good" is a proverb from the 16th century. In the 1920s, the proverb was expanded to jokingly describe musical instruments. "It's an…
“An odd day. Found a hat full of money, then got chased by a guy with a guitar”
Many musicians play in the streets and the subway, and leave a hat out for donations. "Found a hat full of money on the sidewalk. But for some reason some angry man started chasing me with a…
“An onion will make you cry, but they never have invented a vegetable that will make you laugh”
What's harder -- to make an audience laugh or to make them cry? The classic answer is that comedy is harder because even an onion can make someone cry, but there is no vegetable that can make…
“An ounce of behavior is worth a pound of words” (acting adage)
"An ounce of behavior is worth a pound of words" is an acting adage that has been printed on many images. The saying is credited to acting teacher Sanford Meisner (1905-1997). "An…
“And crown thy good Red Riding Hood” (“America the Beautiful” mondegreen)
"And crown thy good Red Riding Hood" is a mondegreen of "And crown thy good with brotherhood," a line in the patriotic hymn "America the Beautiful." The misheard lyric…
“And crown thy good with Robin Hood” (“America the Beautiful” mondegreen)
"And crown thy good with Robin Hood" is a mondegreen of "And crown thy good with brotherhood," a line in the patriotic hymn "America the Beautiful." The misheard lyric…
“Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except for abortion jokes. There is no delivery”
It's often said that comedy depends on the delivery. "Anything can be funny if there is a right delivery, except abortion jokes as they have no delivery" is a dark joke that was…
“Apparently, mime on mime violence is a real problem. You just don’t hear about it”
"Mime extremists are responsible for a lot of violence. You just don't hear about it" is a mime joke that was posted on Twitter by Baron Spider on March 23, 2014. "Apparently…
“Apple” lyric in the Michael Jackson song “Human Nature” (1982)
"Human Nature" is a song on the Michael Jackson album Thriller (1982). The song was written by Steve Porcaro (of the rock band Toto), but the lyrics were revised by the lyricist John…
“Are you ready to rock…paper, scissors?”
Rock music has nothing to do with the game of "rock-paper-scissors," but there are jokes. "Are You Ready To Rock…Paper, Scissors?" was posted on the blog sink or schwim. on…