“Do regular dogs see police dogs and think ‘oh shit it’s a cop’?”
"Do regular dogs see police dogs and think 'oh no/shit it's the cops'?" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Do regular dogs see police dogs and…
“Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, ’Oh shoot, it’s the cops’?”
"Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, ’Oh crap/no/shit/shoot, it’s the cops/police’?" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Do you think regular dogs…
“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikiquote: Theodore RooseveltTheodore Roosevelt, Jr. (1858-10-27 – 1919-01-06), also known as T.R. or Teddy, was the 26th President of the United States…
“Do you have a golden lawyer?” (lawyer joke)
The joke about the "golden rat" has been told since at least 1994. The punchline usually involves a lawyer, but some versions substitute "liberal" or "Republican."…
“Do you have Coronavirus? Because I can’t stop looking ah-choo” (pickup line)
"Ah-choo!" or "Achoo!" or "Atchoo!" (a sneeze) sounds like "at you." A jocular pickup line was used during the 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic. “Do you have…
“Do you serve lawyers here?” (bar/lawyer joke)
There is a combination bar joke and lawyer joke. The "Do you serve lawyers here?" joke has been cited in print since at least 1994 and is of unknown authorship. Google Groups:…
“Do you think when firefighters blow out their birthday candles it’s just like more work to them?”
When firefighters have a brithday and have to blow out the fire (the candles on a birthday cake), do they like this or not? "I bet firefighters are really good at blowing out the candles on…
“Doctor told me my sugar level is too high… So I move the sugar container to a lower shelf!”
A joke about "blood sugar level" mistakes that term for the shelf that sugar is stored on. "Doctor told my Friend her sugar is too high she move her sugar container to a lower…
“Doctor: Have you had any unexplained weight gain over the past year? Me: No, there are explanations.”
Doctors often ask about any "explained weight gain," but a patient usually knows where the fat came from. This joke was posted on X/Twitter by Just Me…Dee🐟 on December 17, 2023:…
“Doctor: This may hurt. Me: June doesn’t look much better”
"doctor: this may hurt / me: tbh june was worse imo" is a joke that was posted on X/Twitter by the notorious ana on July 4, 2022. "doctor: this may hurt/ me: june doesn't look…
“Doctor’s offices be like, ‘Show up 15 minutes early so the doctor can see you 45 minutes late’”
"Why doctors offices be like get there 15 minutes early why you're not even about to get seen until 45 minutes after your appointment time? 😡" was posted on X/Twitter by treena on…
“Does anyone have any spare conspiracy theories? Mine are all coming true…”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic and plans for a "Great Reset" seemed to confirm the "conspiracy theories" of many people. "Does anyone have any spare conspiracy…
“Does anyone know if we can start taking showers yet? Or are we still just washing our hands?”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in many messages to wash hands, but what about taking showers? "Does anyone know if we can take a shower now, or we should keep just washing our…
“Does social distancing tack on six additional feet to each active restraining order?”
The 2020 coronavirus pandemic resulted in many social distancing requirements. Social distancing was compared to a restraining order. "I do my social distancing the old-fashioned way, usually…
“Doing my taxes and shaking my head the whole time so everyone knows I disagree with it”
Paying taxes is not pleasant, and many people shake their heads -- as if that somehow improves matters, or at least registers a disagreement. "Doing my taxes and shaking my head the whole time…
“Doing your taxes on April Fools’ Day seems like a legitimate way to defraud the government”
"Doing your taxes on April Fools' Day seems like a perfectly legitimate way to defraud the government" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on an ecard. The saying was…
“Don’t agonize, organize”
"Don't agonize, organize" was a 1970s slogan of the women's movement, specifically the older women's movement for civil rights. Both Florynce Kennedy (1916-2000) and Tish…
“Don’t ask why I need an AR-15. Ask why an IRS agent needs one”
“Why does anyone need an AR-15 rifle?” is a popular meme. It's sometimes explained that "need" doesn't have to be known because of the Second Amendment in the Bill of Rights…
“Don’t back no losers” (“Don’t make no waves, don’t back no losers”)
Milton L. Rakove's book, Don't make no waves; Don't back no losers: An insider's analysis of the Daley machine (1975), included these classic Chicago political rules: "I…
“Don’t be a pandemitard. Walk away from the fake pandemic conversation. Not every cluster is the next apocalypse. Know the facts. Touch grass. Move on”
"Pandemitard" is a portmanteau of the words "pandemic" and "retard." A pandemitard overreacts to pandemic information in the news, and overprepares and panics. The…