“Groom dogs, not kids”
"Groom dogs, not kids" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Media Matters for AmericaOn Fox News, a “concerned uncle” says “groom dogs, not kids” on behalf of “Gays…
“Growing up, we didn’t have a lot of money. I had to use a hand-me-down calculator with no multiplication symbol…”
The saying "times were hard" usually has nothing to do with multiplication, but there are jokes. "I was never privileged at school, I had to use a second-hand calculator which had…
“He may not be in a class by himself, but it doesn’t take long to call the roll”
Houston Oilers Coach Bum Phillips (1923-2013) said of his star running back Earl Campbell in November 1979: "Earl may not be in a class by himself, but whatever class he's in, it…
“He wears glasses during math because it improves division”
A popular math pun on the word "division" is: "He wears glasses during math because it improves division." The joke has been cited in print since at least 2001. Google Groups:…
“He who opens a school door, closes a prison gate”
"He who opens a school, closes a prison" has been credited to French author Victor Hugo (1802-1885) since at least 1890. In the 2000s, the variation "He who opens a school door,…
“He’s so dumb, he stayed up all night studying for a urine test”
It's an old joke that a person is so dumb, "he/she stayed up all night studying for a urine test." The joke has been cited in print since at least 1968, when it was a Polish joke.…
“Heads, shoulders, knees and toes” (exercise song)
"Head(s), shoulders, knees and toes" is an exercise song that is common in primary schools. Children touch the parts of their bodies that are mentioned in the song. "Eyes and ears…
“Here’s an exhaustive list of the things schools have authority to keep from parents: #1: NOTHING”
"Here’s an exhaustive list of the things schools have authority to keep from parents: #1: NOTHING" was posted on Facebook by Erin for Parental Rights on August 28, 2023. The saying…
“Here’s my take on high school reunions. If I haven’t contacted you in the last 20 years…”
"Here's my take on high school reunions: If I haven't contacted you in 20 years, there's probably a reason" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The quotation…
“Hey girl, are you a school?” (NSFW joke)
There have been many school shootings in the United States. A NSFW joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on November 4, 2016: "Hey girl are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids inside…
“High school bands go to football games, but football players don’t attend band concerts”
A high school band plays at football games, but football players usually don't go to band concerts. "I have a dream...that one day, the football players will attend the band concerts and…
“High school is like a free trial on education” (college joke)
High school is usually free (paid by government taxes); college is usually very expensive. "High school is like a free trial. It's cool and all but most of the fun stuff is locked unless…
“Higher education helps your earning capacity. Ask any college professor.”
"Higher education helps your earning capacity. Ask any college professor" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many websites. The saying has been cited in print since at least…
“Highlighter pens are the future. Mark my words”
"Mark my words" is an expression meaning that one should remember what the speak is saying. "Mark my words" usually does not involve literally marking words, but there are…
“Hipster ghosts are too ghoul for school”
"Too cool for school" is an old saying. "Too ghoul for school" is a popular Halloween saying from at least the 2000s. "Hipster ghosts are too ghoul for school" was…
“Hit the books” (to study)
To "hit the books" means to study them. There are many other "hit" sayings; "hit the sack" and "hit the hay" both mean to go to bed, and "hit the…
“Home schooled kids still have school” (snow/virus school closure joke)
When public school is closed (for a snow day, or for a virus, or for other reasons), students who are home schooled still have school. "One bad thing about being home schooled is that i school…
“Home Sweet Homeroom” (“Home Sweet Classroom”)
"Home Sweet Homeroom" (or "Home Sweet Classroom") is a saying that has been printed on wall hangings that are frequently seen in school classrooms. The saying is a variation…
“Homeschool Day One: Wondering how to get this kid transferred out of my class”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in many school closings. Many parents were forced to home school their children for the first time. "Day 2 of homeschool: Wondering how I can get…
“Homeschooled kids miss out on being a gay communist”
Does public education now teach children to be gay communists? "Study Shows Kids Who Are Homeschooled Could Miss Out On Opportunity To Be A Gay Communist" was a headline story in the…