“I made a killing in the stock market today—I shot my broker”
The term "to make a killing in the (stock) market" means "to make a lot of money" and dates to at least 1913. A joke with the term "market" surfaced by 1956:…
“I must have money because I still have checks left”
"I must have money because I still have checks left" is a humorous line about someone who can't budget money. "How could I be overdrawn? -- I still have checks left"…
“I need to find hobbies that don’t include my bank card”
"I need to find hobbies that don't include my bank/credit/debit card" is a saying that has been printed on many images "I need to find hobbies that don’t include my debit…
“I need to find hobbies that don’t include my credit card”
"I need to find hobbies that don't include my bank/credit/debit card" is a saying that has been printed on many images "I need to find hobbies that don’t include my debit…
“I need to find hobbies that don’t include my debit card”
"I need to find hobbies that don't include my bank/credit/debit card" is a saying that has been printed on many images "I need to find hobbies that don’t include my debit…
“I never realized how short a month is until I started paying bills”
"I never realized how short a month is until I started paying bills" -- that is, there's not enough money to pay monthly expenses -- is a one-line saying that has been printed on…
“I never realized how short a month was until I started paying bills”
"I never realized how short a month is until I started paying bills" -- that is, there's not enough money to pay monthly expenses -- is a one-line saying that has been printed on…
“I only accept apologies in cash”
"I accept apologies in cash" was posted on Twitter by Luke Sparke on June 3, 2009. "I accept apologies in cash, cheesecake or chocolate" was posted on Twitter by Abhi Gupta on…
“I only carry rare coins. I have no common cents”
The term "rare coins" is often paired with "common cents" (a pun on "common sense"). "Thieves arrested after stealing nearly $69,000 in rare coins. So much for…
“I only practice safe sex in bank vaults”
"Safe sex" is sometimes joked to be sex in a bank vault (a safe). "A woman that thinks safe sex is making love in a bank vault and that ironing is bench pressing 300 lbs." was…
“I owe, I owe, so off to work I go”
"I owe, I owe, so/it's off to work I go" is a popular saying on bumper stickers and other gift items. The saying is sung to the tune of "Heigh-Ho" (the Dwarfs'…
“I pay too many bills to be paying attention to people that don’t pay my bills”
"I pay too many bills to be paying attention to shit that don’t pay my bills 😩" was posted on X/Twitter by 𝒦𝒜ℒℐ𝒯𝒜 . on July 17, 2021. Many people only have time for…
“I pay too many bills to be paying attention to shit that don’t pay my bills”
"I pay too many bills to be paying attention to shit that don’t pay my bills 😩" was posted on X/Twitter by 𝒦𝒜ℒℐ𝒯𝒜 . on July 17, 2021. Many people only have time for…
“I recently bought 51% of a vampire hunting company. I’m now the main stake holder”
A joke on the term "stakeholder" is: "I recently bought 51% of a vampire hunting company. I'm now the main stake holder." The joke was posted on Sickipedia and Twitter on…
“I recently came into a large sum of money” (joke)
"I recently came into a large sum of money" is the first line of a Not-Sate-For-Work joke. "I came into some money recently...............fussy bloody shopkeeper wouldn't take…
“I remember when I was broke. I’m still broke that’s why I remember so well”
"I remember when I was broke. I’m still broke that’s why I remember so well" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I remember when I was broke .. I’m still…
“I remember when I was poor. I’m still poor that’s why I remember so well”
Many people who are successful often tell about their poor beginnings. "I remember when I was poor. I’m still poor that’s why I remember so well" is a joke that was posted on Twitter…
“I saw a bank that said ‘24 Hour Banking,’ but I don’t have that much time”
"24-hour banking" usually implies that there is an ATM at the bank that allows transactions all day (24 hours). It doesn't mean that a bank customer has to spend 24 hours at the…
“I saw a sign in a shop window that read ‘Pay No Interest.’ So I carried on walking”
"Pay no interest" can have a double meaning. This joke was posted on Sickipedia on August 19, 2022: "I saw a sign in a shop window that read ‘Pay No Interest.’ So I carried on…
“I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left”
"I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. American comedian Berl Williams (1918-1978) said in a "My…