“I can’t drink responsibly because responsibilities are why I drink”
"Drink responsibly" is a popular saying. "They say 'Drink Responsibly' but my Responsibilities are why I drink" was posted on Twitter by Jerry Albitre on September 14,…
Big Nipple (Los Angeles nickname)
“I can’t even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory”
Some jobs provide temptations. Who can resist popping a bubble wrap? "Hardest job ever: Working in a bubble wrap factory. Imagine the self-control needed" and "I can’t even imagine…
“I can’t resist coffee. But then again, why would I?”
"I can't resist coffee. But then again, why would I?" is a coffee saying that was posted by Fire Dept. Coffee on both X/Twitter and on Facebook on August 14, 2023. X/Twitter Fire…
“I can’t see an end, I have no control… Time for a new keyboard”
"I can’t see an end. I have no control and I don’t think there’s any escape - I don’t even have a home anymore. Time for a new keyboard" is a computer keyboard joke that was…
“I can’t stand bodybuilders who smoke weed. They always act so high and mighty”
The term "high and mighty" doesn't necessarily refer to a bodybuilder on weed, but there are jokes. "Most of my peeps smoke weed after they hit the gym, thinking they all high…
“I cannot be friends with money anymore. We both leaving the house same time but is only me coming back home”
"I cannot be friends with money anymore. We both leaving the house same time but is only me coming back home" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I cannot be…
“I cannot tell time because clocks have no ears”
When you "tell time" you're not speaking to time, but there are jokes. "How do I tell time when clocks have no ears?" was posted on Reddit -- Shittyaskscience on March 7,…
“I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy”
"I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy" is a pro-gun slogan that has been printed on many gift items, such as bumper stickers, T-shirts and posters. The saying has been cited in print…
“I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy”
"I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy" is a gun rights saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was printed in The Spokesman-Review (Spokane, WA) on August 9, 2007 and…
“I celebrate 4/20 on 1/5 because I know how to reduce fractions”
"I celebrate 4/20 on 1/5 because I know how to reduce fractions" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. April 20th (4/20) is "420 Day," a celebration of…
“I celebrate Cinco de Mayo so I get can drunk enough to forget yesterday’s ‘May the 4th’ jokes”
"I only celebrate Cinco de Mayo so I get can drunk enough to forget yesterday's non-stop 'May the Fourth' jokes" is a jocular saying that has been printed on an ecard.…
“I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way” (joke)
American comedian Jon Stewart said on The Jon Stewart Show: "I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and…
“I changed my password to ‘incorrect.’ When I forget, it will tell me, ‘Your password is incorrect’”
"I changed my password to 'incorrect.' So that whenever I forget, it will tell me, 'Your password is incorrect'" is a jocular computer saying that has been printed on…
“I changed the name of my hard drive to ‘that thang’” (joke)
A computer joke was posted on Twitter on October 13, 2010: "I changed the name of my hard drive to 'that thang', so once a month, my computer asks me if i wanna back that that thang…
“I childproofed the house, but they still get in”
To "waterproof" a house is to make sure that no water gets inside. To "childproof" a house, however, means that the house is a safe environment for children. A popular joke is:…
“I chipped a tooth earlier. No idea how it got on to the golf course”
A "chip" golf stroke is not the same as a "chipped" tooth, but there are jokes. "I chipped a tooth earlier. I don't whose it was or why it was on the golf course"…
“I choked on a carrot, and all I could think was ‘I bet a donut wouldn’t have done this’”
“I choked on a carrot this afternoon, and all I could think was 'I bet a donut wouldn’t have done this to me'" is a jocular food saying that has been printed on many images.…
“I choked on a carrot. All I could think was ‘I bet a cupcake wouldn’t have done this’”
“I choked on a carrot this afternoon, and all I could think was 'I bet a donut wouldn’t have done this to me'" is a jocular food saying that has been printed on many images.…
“I cleaned the attic with my wife. Now I can’t get the cobwebs out of her hair”
There are two jokes about "cleaning the attic with my/the wife." The first version was posted to the newsgroup alt.quotations on November 26, 1993 and has been credited to British…
“I come at the beginning of end and at the end of time. What am I?” (riddle)
The letter "e" has several riddles. This was printed in The Lady's Magazine in December 1787: "THE beginning of eternity,The end of time and space,The beginning of every end,And…