“I’ve grown to hate low ceilings”
"I've grown to hate low ceilings" is a jocular one-line saying that takes the expression "grown to hate" with literal physical growth. "I've grown to hate low…
Texas (Lone Star State Dictionary)
“I’VE HAD IT WITH CAPITALISM. i think i’ll give lowercaseism a try”
Sometimes "capitalism" just means capital letters. "lowercaseism: antonym of capitalism....the practice of not using any capital letters" was posted on Twitter by Jim Gleeson on…
“I’ve heard all of the bowling jokes there are, so please spare me”
Several bowling puns use the expression "spare me." "Want to hear a joke about bowling? Spare me" was posted on Facebook by Jim Abbas on February 28, 2012. "Please, spare…
“I’ve joined the local Dyslexia Brass Band. I play the Toblerone”
"Trombone" (a musical instrument in the brass family) shouldn't be confused with "Toblerone" (a Swiss chocolate brand), but there are jokes. "I am so proud of my…
“I’ve just been offered 8 legs of venison for $100. Is that two deer?”
"Too dear" (too expensive) sounds like "two deer." Of course, there's a venison joke. "Silly question. Like the chap who was offered eight legs of venison and asked,…
“I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again”
"I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again" is a joke that has been printed on many images. ""I've just been on a…
“I’ve just been on Trip Advisor. There’s no information about a twisted ankle and a skinned knee”
Trip Advisor is a website that offers online hotel reservations and transportation bookings. Trip Advisor does not advise about trips and falls, but there are jokes. "I've just been on…
“I’ve just blocked my toilet. I don’t know why I added it as a friend on Facebook in the first place”
Blocking on social media is not like other blocking, but there are jokes. "RT @davidjewood: I've just blocked my toilet. I don't know why I added it on Skype in the first place"…
“I’ve just blocked my toilet. I don’t know why I added it on Skype in the first place”
Blocking on social media is not like other blocking, but there are jokes. "RT @davidjewood: I've just blocked my toilet. I don't know why I added it on Skype in the first place"…
“I’ve just blocked my toilet. I don’t know why I followed it on twitter in the first place”
Blocking on social media is not like other blocking, but there are jokes. "RT @davidjewood: I've just blocked my toilet. I don't know why I added it on Skype in the first place"…
“I’ve just booked a table for Valentine’s Day. I hope she likes pool”
Valentine's Day tables -- at restaurants -- usually have to be booked in advance. A Valentines Day joke about "booking a table" has been printed on several images. "Ive booked a…
“I’ve just checked my home insurance policy and apparently if my blanket is stolen I’m not covered”
A "blanket" insurance policy provides complete coverage -- or doesn't it? "I've just checked my home insurance policy and apparently if my blanket is stolen in the middle…
“I’ve just fallen through the roof of a French bakery. I’m in a world of pain”
"Pain" is the French word for "bread." "If i was to open a french bakery, i'd call it 'world of pain'" was posted on Twitter by Jamie Scott on October…
“I’ve just found out that my Indian name is Chugalottajava”
"I've just found out that my Indian name is Chugalottajava" (or "I just found out my Indian name is...chugalottajava") is a jocular coffee saying that has been printed on…
“I’ve just got a voucher for some gingerbread cake traditionally made with oatmeal and black treacle. It’s a Parkin ticket”
"Parkin" (a gingerbread cake traditionally made with oatmeal and black treacle) has nothing to do with "parking," but there are jokes. "The traffic warden slapped a treacle…
“I’ve just lost my job as an ice cream tester. I couldn’t do sundaes”
"Sundae" sounds like "Sunday," and there are several jokes. "Just been sacked as an ice cream tester. I refused to do Sundaes" was posted on Twitter by 𝕸𝖆𝖙…
“I’ve just opened a can of worms. They just sit there, the worms. Hardly the chaos”
To "open a can of worms" is to release chaos, like opening Pandora's box. If one opens a can of worms (for fishing), it is very difficult to close the can. "Commissioner Ed…
“I’ve just opened a shop selling telescopes. Business is looking up”
"'My business is looking up,' as the man with the 'Penny a peep' telescope told the policeman" was printed under "SAM WELLERISMS“ in Judy: The London…
“I’ve just released my own fragrance. But no one in this elevator seems to like it”
"I’ve just released my own fragrance, Nobody in the bus/car/elevator/train seemed to like it" i a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. That is, the speaker just let out…
“I’ve just released my own fragrance. But no one on this bus seems to like it”
"I’ve just released my own fragrance, Nobody in the bus/car/elevator/train seemed to like it" i a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. That is, the speaker just let out…