“When you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall”
"When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall" (a pun on "seen them all") is the classic mall joke. "When you've seen one downtown renovation…
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs
“When you’re about to get run out of town on a rail, get out in front and call it a parade”
"When you’re about to get run out of town on a rail, get out in front and call it a parade" is an old saying of how to turn around a bad situation. The saying has been cited in print…
“When you’re late for work, just walk in fast and fake mad. ‘Whatta fucking morning’”
If you're late for work, don't walk in with a smile on your face. Look angry or mad, as if the traffic, or a delayed bus or train, or something else held you back from that wonderful work…
“When you’re so short that the sun visor in the car is absolutely no help”
A car's sun visors, perhaps, aren't fit for all drivers. "You know what sucks? Being so short that the sun visor in your car doesn't even fulfill its purpose" is a saying…
“When you’re too emotional to talk, you sing. When you’re too emotional to sing, you dance”
There's an adage in the musical theater about when it's time for a song and when it's time for a dance. Authorship of the saying is unknown. "When you don't have the words…
“When your ‘bonus’ at work is a pizza party” (“Am I a joke to you?” worker meme)
Many managers see employees working hard and reward them with pizza. The employees, however, really want bonuses. A pizza meme was posted on Facebook by Drew Kamin on October 15, 2019. "When…
“When your advertising interrupts my video, it just makes me hate your product”
"When your advertising interrupts my video, it just makes me hate your product" is a saying that has been printed on a meme. "When your advertising interrupts my video… it just…
“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you”
"When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. A dog is…
“When your ear buds suddenly break and no longer work, do they become your ear enemies?”
"Earbuds" have nothing to do with "buds" or "buddies," but there are jokes. "I hate earbuds. They never stay in my ears. Punks! More like earenemies." was…
“When your girl starts to workout out of nowhere, you about to be single”
"If your girl starts to workout out of nowhere, you're about to be single" is a saying that has been printed on many images. It means that she wants to look good to find another man…
“When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey…she’s a keeper”
"He's/She's a keeper" means that he/she is relationship and/or marriage material. Or, he/she could just be a beekeeper. "If he comes home wearing an enormous white suit and…
“When your husband comes home with cockleburrs in his pants, don’t ask his score” (golf saying)
American professional golfer Sam Snead (1912-2002) gave this advice to golf widows in September 1974: "When your husband comes home with cockleburrs in the cuffs of his pants, don't ask…
“When your kids are learning how to drive, don’t stand in their way”
"Don't stand in their way" usually means don't oppose, but a joke takes this literally. "Our friend, E. J. Canada, over in Luther, says that if your wife wants to learn to…
“When your legs get tired, run with your heart”
"When your legs are/get tired, run with your heart" is a popular saying that has been printed on many posters. "When your legs burn, run with your heart" was cited on Twitter in…
“When your opponent is drowning, throw the son of a bitch an anvil”
Political consultant James Carville explained a favored phrase in his book All's Fair (1995): "When your opponent is drowning, throw the son of a bitch an anvil. — the CEO of a large…
“When your work speaks for itself, don’t interrupt”
"When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt" is a popular work saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was printed in an April 11, 1947 Richmond (VA)…
“When YouTube plays an unskippable ad but you look away so they don’t win”
"When YouTube plays an unskippable ad but you look away so they don't win" (shown with a picture of a person looking away from a screen) has been printed on many images. this image…
“Whenever a waiter asks me how I want my steak, I always say ‘free’”
Waiters ask how a diner would like a steak to be cooked, such as "rare" or "medium" or "well done." A joke on this was published by John Wagner’s Maxine comic…
“Whenever I drive into a parking garage with a low ceiling, I duck my head down in my car”
"I tend to duck my head a little when I pull into the airport-parking garage so I don't hit my head" was printed in the book Women Fly (2001) by Martha Dreskin. "Today, I…
“Whenever I get asked to do something I don’t want to do I just answer ‘in a pandemic?’”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in many cancellations. Many people quarantined at home. "Whenever I get asked to do something I don’t want to do I just answer 'in a…