“My financial status: I just rinsed off a paper plate”
"My financial status: I just rinsed off a paper plate" is a joke that has been printed on many images. Paper plates are usually thrown away after use. "You don't know poor until…
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs
“My fine feathered friend” (usually said of a chicken)
"Fine feathered friend" is said of birds (often chickens). "Fine feathered "friends'" was printed in the Lancaster (Lancashire, UK) Gazette on June 28, 1873.…
“My first date with an Emergency department nurse was a casual tea”
"Casual tea" is a pun on the word "casualty." "Count of casualty? Or cup of casual tea?" was posted on Twitter by Laura Briggs on April 27, 2009. "What does a…
“My first job was posing like a mannequin in the window of a clothing store. I held that position for a long time”
An employee might say that he or she "held a position for a long time." This doesn't mean a physical position, but there are jokes. "My first job was posing like a mannequin in…
“My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience, The second time let me down”
An elevator joke that has been printed on many images is: "My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience, The second time let me down." "The first time I used an…
“My fitness goal is just making sure my boobs stick out further than my stomach”
"My fitness goal is just making sure my boobs stick out further than my stomach" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "My workout goal is to get my chest to…
“My fitness goal is just making sure my tits stick out further than my stomach”
"My fitness goal is just making sure my boobs stick out further than my stomach" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "My workout goal is to get my chest to…
“My food is grown and harvested, not born and killed”
"My food is grown and harvested, not born and killed" is a vegan saying that has been printed on many images. "My food is grown and harvested, not born and killed" was posted on…
“My food is grown, not born”
"My food is grown, not born" is a vegan saying that has been printed on many images. "Make a statement with this 100% cotton canvas tote bag! 'My food is Grown not born' -…
“My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil”
"My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Origin is uncertain. "How to get rich farming -- rise early, work…
“My freedom doesn’t end where your fear begins”
"My/Our rights don't end where your fear begins" (or "My/Our rights don't end where your fears begin") is a saying that has been printed on many images. "My/Our…
“My freedom is more important than your good idea”
"My freedom is more important than your good idea" has been a bumper sticker saying since at least 2001. The saying means that government often has "good ideas" with its…
“My French teacher has retired. Adios, amigo”
"My french teacher died. Adios, buddy" was posted on Reddit -- Sixwordstories on June 21, 2016. "After a long and effective career, my French teacher finally retired. Adios,…
“My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana…” (joke)
Not everyone understands the concept of a frozen banana (a dessert on a stick). American stand-up comedian Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005) told this joke in his act by at least 1999: "My friend…
“My friend bullied and pressured me to go spelunking, so I caved”
"Caving" is also known as "spelunking" in the United States. "Cave" also means to cease to resist (to submit). "RT @YUCKYBOT: My friends convinced me to go…
“My friend can’t afford to pay his water bill anymore. So I sent him a card, “Get well soon’”
A "get-well card" is usually a card to encourage someone to "get well" after an illness. It's not a card encouraging someone to get a water well, but there are jokes.…
“My friend cuts up his Indian bread to look like coins. It’s naan cents”
"Naan" (flatbread) has resulted in some "naan cents" (nonsense) jokes. "I can't believe the Indian restaurant would not accept my jar of change as payment. That's…
“My friend David had his ID stolen the other day. Now we just call him Dav”
"My friend David had his ID stolen yesterday. We just call him Dav now" is an ID joke that was posted on Twitter by Sickipedia_Feed on April 13, 2011. The joke originated on the…
“My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in”
Muesli has its own popular joke: ""My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in." The joke has been cited in print since at least 2000 and has been…
“My friend got fired from his cow milking job. He was a danger to himself and udders”
"Udders" can sound like "others," and, of course, there are jokes. "Psychotic calves are a danger to themselves and udders" was posted on Twitter by ribbles on March…